Unintended
by grayribbon
Summary: 7 years after being abducted, Caspian was washed ashore on the beaches of Cair Paravel. The search for a mistress soon began. She was amongst they who were invited, but only she knew and saved him from suicide. He was damaged, she was ambitious. They develop feelings, but it's never that simple in Narnia. Terrorism, ambition, and in the end; love.
1. A Letter of Summon

**HEY GUYS! I know I know it's been absolutely so so long since I updated on ffn. But now I am back! Sadly I've decided to delete Come What May, just because I don't know where it's heading. But now I've got a new story that's up and running, and I'm so excited to write this one! This is in Narnia, 9 years after Prince Caspian, and AU. For you who've read Before I Lose You, get ready to see some familiar names. I should clarify though that this story doesn't have anything to do with BILY, so any similarity to names doesn't have anything to do with their characters in Before I Lose You. Please tell me what you think or if you have any feedbacks for me :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

* * *

"When were you planning to tell me?"

Susan Pevensie quickly turned her head at the sound of his voice.  
"You scared me," she remarked. Willan didn't reply.

There he sat, in the dead of night, the darkness of their living room surrounding him. He sat on an arm chair in front of the unlit fire place. The night was cruel and dark. Their conversation after this looked like it was going to be too. Susan didn't answer what she knew Willan wanted to know. The truth scared her. And right now, she knew it scared Willan too. They say that the truth isn't always pretty. And the truth was this:

A few days ago a letter of summon came from the castle, summoning one Susan Pevensie to the castle in favor of the king. Normally one wouldn't be as devastated to receive the seemingly good invitation. But they both knew what was going on.

The king of Narnia just came back two months ago after being gone (and thought dead) for seven years. Somewhere in the ending of Miraz's reign and the rightful prince assuming the throne, war broke between the Calormen and Narnia. Everyone understood how Miraz was in favor of Calormen and vice versa, but no one really knew what happened. The King, then a mere boy of 19, was with a diplomatic trustee in a journey for peace to Calormen when they attacked him. He didn't come back. They began sending search parties and corresponding with Calormen in conventions and treaties, but not even the Tisroc had him. Aadesh Tisroc was on the way to Narnia to make peace himself. As it turned out, one division of the Calormen troops were misinformed and attacked the king's party. Narnia never saw their king for the next seven years. Aadesh Tisroc had all of the troops in that division executed. And their commandant tortured for seven days as a result of his ignorance that led to the misinformation of Calormen's wish for peace. That's about everything anyone knew. Two months ago suddenly he came back. And no further information ever since.

What everyone knew was that every time that letter of summon comes for a girl in the favor of a king, it was a summon to be his handmaid. A handmaid's job is to make contact with the king and provide him with an heir to his throne. It didn't say anything in the letter, but deep in their hearts, they both knew. Susan's great aunt was a handmaid to the king's great-grandfather. Maybe that's why they called on her.

"We don't know why they're calling for me," said she.  
"Bullshit," Willan said to her, "bullshit Susan. I know you know,"  
"I don't know Will," she replied, "that letter came to me two days ago,"  
"Don't go," he blurted out. Willan didn't regret what he just said. Any normal fiancé must be in their right mind to want what Willan asked of her just now. Because they knew what would happen.

"Willan—"  
"They will throw you out after you have his child, Susan," Willan said to her, unafraid.  
"I can't refuse this," she said, "you know I can't," she placed her hand on his cheek. Willan leaned into her and kissed her lips. He did know that she couldn't refuse. It was an order from the palace. No one can refuse. No one is allowed to.

"I am to leave tomorrow," she said to him.  
"You'll come back?" he asked her even though he already knew the answer.  
"Of course," she answered, "and if we're lucky it's only going to be 9 months you know," she joked.  
"Not helping," Willan said to her, but still a smile formed on his lips. Humor is the only thing they have left to see some good in this situation. They will be apart, and Susan will have the king's baby, but then they'll both be together again. Her great aunt did exactly that. And so she will do exactly the same.

Right?


	2. Arrival at the Castle

**Hello everyone! How's everyone doing?  
I'm glad to say that I'm excited about this story as it progresses! In this chapter there's going to be a few familiars and a few unfamiliar characters :) I also want to thank everyone who're reviewed, thank you so so much for all the feedback, they all mean so much! Read and review, don't hesitate to tell me what you think of this, or even inputs to where you'd like to see this story go. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

* * *

Breakfast was silent.  
Nobody said a word about what they both knew was going to happen. He drank from his own glass and ate from his plate like usual, but didn't find it in himself to talk. She washed the plates afterwards with his help, and they both just sat in their dining table after all the usual morning routine had come to a stop.

"What did they told you to bring?" he asked her as he played idly with the lip of the flower vase on the center of the table.  
"Nothing," she answered, "they didn't told me to bring anything,"

And then back to the silence that occupied them two seconds ago. Willan still played with the vase, and Susan was fidgeting. She knew that the carriage for her would come any second. It was a matter of seconds.  
"Tell me about your great aunt," Willan suddenly said, and he stopped playing with the vase to look at his fiancée, "what happened to her? Did she have any relations with the royal family beforehand?"  
"No," Susan answered, "no,"  
"Then what?" Willan pressed her, "what made them call for _her_?"

Susan didn't know the answer to Willan's question.  
"She received a letter," Susan spoke. "Everyone was thrilled, of course,"  
"Being the king's mistress isn't an honor,"  
"Yes, to you it isn't," Susan replied, "but to all of Narnia, you know what it means,"  
"Riches and honor isn't worth all of this, Susan," Willan said, "you know it isn't,"  
"I do," Susan answered him, "but my knowledge of that isn't enabling me to refuse this," she remarked, "and it also isn't going to change the public opinion of the king's mistress. It is a high honor to everyone, even you,"  
"Don't you dare say that,"  
"Before this happened to us," Susan said to him, and leaned forward to touch his hand, "before I was called, we do think that Will, you know we did,"

Willan silenced at that. What she said was true. Nothing was going to make it acceptable for her to refuse.

"And then what happened to your great aunt?" Willan asked again.  
"She went away after the letter arrived, to the palace. After 10 months she came back with a husband, a lord. Like they all do," she replied, "it's the same as always Will. Like what we've heard of all these years. A girl is chosen, picked up to the castle, and provide the king with an heir, and then they can go home if they'd done that,"  
"And what if they don't?"

That's what's been scaring both of them. Being called under the favor of the king is a polite way of requesting their presence to be the king's mistress, and that goes without saying that she is expected to provide the kingdom with an heir, a son. What if she fails to have a son?

"We don't know what would happen should I fail to give the king a boy,"  
"There's a reason to our not knowing," Willan said.

"Many mistresses in the past have given daughters. They won't be murdered, their daughters shall be bastards,"  
"And I'll be a father to that bastard," Willan said, "I swear,"  
Susan smiled reassuringly.

"Your brothers," he suddenly said, "that's why they called you. They know your family are dominantly males than females, they're looking for a woman who can produce that,"  
"In 10 months I'll be back here,"  
"You know it's not as easy as that,"  
"Hey, hey," Susan said to him, "what happened to your positive self last night? I need that Willan to see me off,"  
"I don't want to see my fiancée walk into her death," Willan said, "I will not. Susan believe me I will not,"  
"I won't be dead,"  
"You know that's not half true,"

Suddenly the carriage arrived in front of their house. A knock was heard on their door.

"Open in the name of the King!" the army said, somewhat merrily. To Willan it sounded like a nightmare. But he still opened it for her. How can he not?  
"Lady Susan Pevensie?" the same army asked to make sure.  
"I am her," Susan replied.  
"I am assigned to escort you back to Cair Paravel under the favor of the King,"

Susan nodded kindly to the guard. He had a soft look upon his eyes after the formalities, like he understood that happiness might not be what the pair is feeling right now. He looked upon the both of them with remorse, a kind of sorry for the two lovers now fated to part, but that might be only a suggestion on Susan's part. They all knew what being the king's mistress meant. An honor, nothing more.

"Write to me," Willan said as he pulled her to him.  
"I will," Susan replied, and then she looked into his eyes, trying so desperately to calm him down. He was afraid. He was scared for her. And this goodbye felt like a last one. Then again, she thought, that might be only a suggestion on her part.

For now they are parted. Both of them had an idea in their heads, because from what they've seen over the years, people who go through what they're going through right now will be left alone after this castle summon is over. 10 months would be the longest. Like Susan's great aunt, everything was going to return back to normal. Willan was angered at this, just because he didn't want his fiancee to be had by another. He was always a rebel. When everyone thought of being the king's mistress as an honor, Willan didn't.

So they parted. And in 10 months they'll be reunited.

"Will you still be in love with me after I have a child?" Susan asked.  
"Silly question," he smirked.  
"I'll be fat," she remarked.  
"I'll be fatter," Willan answered, and they both laughed. Their goodbye wasn't full of heartache, only anger that had subsided because Willan realized that he couldn't change anything, as much as he hated the circumstances. So as the carriage brought Susan inside it away from him, Willan waved from the front of their house until it completely disappeared.

* * *

Her arrival in the palace was welcomed extravagantly. Being the king's mistress is an honor to Telmarines and Narnians, and so they are welcomed with luxurious welcoming parties. Susan still didn't understand why she was the one who was called forth. She had expected nothing much, according to stories she overheard from her mother and aunt about her great aunt. A girl, when called, is to come to the palace and do things she would be told of, and that is to provide the kingdom with an heir. The King had only come back two months ago. That was the real sensation. Her being called as a mistress to the king was nothing but of little surprise; many girls were called for the king before this one. Their king now has never taken a mistress. He was gone for 7 whole years, ever since he was only nineteen years of age. He was now 26 years old, and nothing was ever heard from him nor the castle about him ever since his return. The people were worried, but most of all, supportive. It was him that rescued all of Narnia from Miraz's cruel reign, after all. It was him who brought Telmarines and Narnians together. Their nation now, a great one, wouldn't be peaceful and great were it not for him. His vanishing was even because of his efforts for peace with Calormen. That is something that the people appreciate.

Still nothing was heard of the king's conditions. No one knows where he was held these 7 years. No news from the castle. They had held a big celebration for all of Narnia when he first returned two months ago, but he didn't show. Still the ball was answered by the people with great enthusiasm; everyone came and had a jolly great time. And they all understood if he was not up for partying, so they wished him to get better and showed their supports to him by writing letters and such.

The whole of the castle seemed welcoming, but weirdly busier than usual. That led Susan to wonder what was going on. It wasn't long until she understood exactly what was it that made the servants hustle.

"Miss Pevensie, I believe?"  
Susan turned around to look at the man who had called her.  
"I am Gyrron, uncle to the King,"

Gyrron was one of the lords, dressed in such clothing. He was a tall, dark-haired man, but his had silver streaks on them; a mark of his age. He had a kind face, Susan thought, and something about him radiated warmth that made Susan thought of her own uncle. His skin was tan and his features muscular, his voice deep. He didn't look like Miraz at all, Susan remembered Narnia's past king, and he looks kinder.

"My lord," Susan lowered her body in respect, "I'm told I'm here under the favor of the King,"  
"You are quite right," Gyrron said, "unfortunately you are late,"  
"Late, my lord?" Susan didn't understand.  
"Yes you're quite tardy, but it isn't your fault. The guard sent to fetch you was too long in his journey. Come walk with me," Gyrron said, and Susan followed him.

"I'm sorry for my tardiness," Susan said, "I hope it won't upset the king,"  
"The king? Oh no of course not," Gyrron said, "if your tardiness would upset someone, that someone would be you,"  
"Me?" Susan asked him as they both walked rather hurriedly, "may I ask why?"  
"Yes," Gyrron said, "gives you less edge to the competition than the others," he replied her.  
"The others?"

That was when the two of them stopped before a big door, and Gyrron turned his head to look at her and said; "yes, the others,"  
After that, the guards opened the door and Susan didn't believe what she saw.

Inside, the room was filled with women, middle-class women like herself, with no grandeur in their clothing. They were chatting and some were laughing, but all of them were enjoying themselves. No one looked tired or worn out. Susan didn't understand what this meant. Were they all the king's mistresses? Why were there so many of them? At the opening of the door, they all looked at Gyrron and turned their bodies to look at him before curtsying.

"Honorable misses," Gyrron spoke, a smile on his face, "the last one to our party has arrived. This is Susan Pevensie of Lantern Waste, and I'm happy to announce that we won't be waiting for anyone anymore. You are all here under the favor of the King, and I on behalf of His Majesty, sends to you all his gratitude and eagerness to meet,"  
All of them clapped gleefully.  
"Since we are all here, the welcoming ball will be held tonight. For now, you all are free to do as you please. I do hope your stay here will be wonderful," Gyrron said with a smile, and then he bowed to them and left. Susan still didn't understand.

"Susan Pevensie, was it?"  
She turned her head to look at the owner of the voice. A blonde girl, pale complexion and pink lips.  
"Yes," Susan replied with a smile.  
"I'm Rose Julianne of the Dancing Creek," she greeted her, "come have some tea with me and the other girls,"  
Rose took Susan's hand and entangled it with hers.

"I trust your journey has been a good one?" she asked her.  
"It was lengthy, nevertheless a safe one," Susan answered with a smile, "and you've been here for how long?"  
"Two weeks," Rose answered.  
"I'm two weeks late then?" Susan asked her.  
"Oh no, not at all," she replied, "all the other girls have been here three days,"

Susan scanned the room and saw the others continuing their activities.

"How many are there here?" Susan asked, curious.  
"Not more than four and twenty, I believe,"  
"And all are here under the favor of the king?"  
"Yes, all are chosen," Rose said, "what an honor it is, isn't it Miss Susan, to serve the king and country this way?"  
"I suppose it is," Susan answered, "but are you not saddened by the quantity of girls here?"  
"I don't think about that," Rose answered her, "we are lucky because we are chosen,"  
"I was under the impression that there would only be 1,"  
"I think there would," said Rose, "only 1 gets to be his official mistress. The others would go home I suppose, after some time,"

Susan was relieved by that idea. Now all she had to do was find a way to blend into the crowd so the king won't notice her and would send her back home.  
"You've seen the king?" Susan asked her.  
"No," answered her, "no one here has seen the king. Except for Lady Liliandil,"  
"Lady Liliandil?"  
"She had been here for a month and is the king's current favorite,"  
"Favorite you mean..she's carrying the king's heir?"  
"Possible heir," Rose said, "if it's a boy then an heir. If it's a girl, a bastard. And we don't know if she's really pregnant or not. Either way, she's a kind woman," Rose explained, "listen Susan," she said to her, "I do hope we can become friends, regardless of what happens,"  
"Of course Rose," Susan answered, "but nothing bad will happen to us,"

Rose didn't answer for a while.  
Suddenly a guard entered and went up right to where they were talking.  
"Miss Pevensie?" he called, "your room is ready for you,"

Susan looked at him and back at Rose as she stood up, "see you at the ball then," she said.  
"Okay," Rose smiled back.

Susan walked out with the guard as he escorted her to her chambers.

The two of them walked quite far, but she didn't know what to measure that distance with. When they finally reached a sleeping chambers quarter, the guard spoke to her.

"Lord Gyrron asked me to inform you of his apologies that the castle has given you the quieter wing for your chamber, Miss Pevensie, we are unable to give you the place near the ballroom,"  
"No, it's fine. I don't like sleeping near crowded spaces," she answered, "that's why this is so far, right?"  
"Yes miss,"  
"Then it's perfect. Thank you," she said. The guard left, and she entered her room.

It had a big bed with four posts, a big fireplace of white marble and gold linings, enormous story-long windows with red velvet drapes opened to let the sun shine in. White sheets and velvet blankets decorated the bed. An extensive book shelf filled with an extensive reading list also was there, and of course her very own bath chamber.

This was really going to happen. Now that she knew that she wasn't alone, she was relieved. That meant the King had to choose, and she was certain it wasn't going to be her. The odds were like, what, 1:25? She had nothing to distinct her from the rest of the other prettier girls. She was going to go home, untouched, unscarred, undisturbed. It was going to be as if nothing has ever happened in the first place. But for now she was going to get ready for the ball. The sooner it was all over, the better.

* * *

She picked her only party dress to wear to the ball tonight; a deep green one she had received from Willan when they first met three years ago, when she was 21 years of age. Willan was a farmer. His occupation couldn't exactly afford a monstrously expensive dress, but to her it was not out of the ordinary. Susan's life was never exposed to riches and excessiveness. That was why she never tired of watching the castle ceilings and columns and architecture. It was all too beautiful, more beautiful than she could ever grasp. She was fully aware that that dress wasn't even a bit fit for a ball at the castle, but it fitted her purpose perfectly. She didn't want to stand out. She wanted to just blend into the walls so the King can't see her and eventually pick her to be his. The sooner that happened, the better.  
She put on some perfume and coiled her hair into a low bun on the nape of her neck. She didn't put on necklaces or earrings, only an engagement ring on her finger from Willan, reminding her of home.

When she came out of her room, the ball was on full swing. She entered the ballroom and suddenly the atmosphere lit up from the dark corridors to the bright hall, decorated with everything in gold, and food and wine and merry people of all sorts, including Narnians and animals. Dancing occupied most of the space, and everywhere she looked, not a smile was absent from anyone's face. It led her to be merry too.

"Susan!" Rose called her, and Susan turned to look at her new-found friend. Rose's dress was soft pink in color and she wore a necklace with an engraving of RJ on the pendant. She must come from a well-educated family, Susan thought. She was right.

"Have you heard?" Rose asked.  
"Of what?" Susan asked back.  
"The king!" Rose answered eagerly, "the king is said to finally show himself to us! Imagine Susan, after 7 years!" she continued, "oh I am so curious. I want to see what he looks like now. The last time I saw him, I was only 15 years old, 7 years ago,"  
"Rose, you talk as if he has been hiding from society, hiding from us," Susan teased.  
"And he has! I believe he has. I've been here a full two weeks and I've never even seen him once,"  
"Well I am also curious," Susan grinned, "I imagine in 7 years a man must change a great deal,"  
"Yes in his looks,"  
"And in his thoughts," Susan said again, "not that I knew him before the past 7 years. But enough with this talk, Rose. We should be having fun. Let's eat,"  
"That's a good idea," Rose agreed with her, "let's go,"

"Rose!" suddenly a voice called her, and there stood a group of ladies smiling and dressed in their best attire, a part of the 'under the favor of the king' party.

"Hey!" Rose greeted them with her usual merry tone, "I believe you all haven't been introduced,"  
"Yes, I think so too," Susan answered, smiling.  
"I meant to walk up to you earlier and introduce myself but the guard called you," one of them said, "I'm Anne Aubert," she lowered her body in a curtsey.  
"Hello Anne, I am Susan Pevensie," she introduced herself. Anne was a feisty-looking girl of bright red hair and brown eyes. Her figure was slender, and she wore a bright yellow dress with diamond pins in her hair. A rich girl, then. She wasn't as tall as Susan, and her smile, Susan was sure, could win over many hearts of men in that room alone. Maybe she would be the king's choice.  
"Susan this is Jane Ansgott," Rose turned over to Anne's side, and Susan smiled at her.  
"How do you do," said Susan. Jane was calmer than Anne with strawberry blonde hair and subtle chocolate eyes, a small figure in a deep blue dress.  
"Hello Susan," Jane greeted her with a smile.  
"This is Mary Bertrand," Rose introduced.  
"How are you Miss Susan," Mary greeted her, "I understand that you've been given the room in the west wing of the castle?" she asked.  
"Oh is it true? I wish my room was there,"  
"Yes, it is true," Susan answered, "I quite like it there,"  
"I should think that anyone would," Anne answered, "after we are all brought here, all we need is some peace and quiet. You're lucky Susan, most of us were given a room near here,"  
"Yes, hustle and bustle are too busy, gives us an uneasy feeling," Jane replied.

"Have you met the other girls?" Anne asked again.  
"No, but I should like to," Susan answered her question.  
"Oh, they are all positively ghastly," said Anne, and the others, including Susan, laughed aloud.  
"Anne you silly little thing, they wouldn't be brought here under the favor of the king if they are ugly," Mary laughed.  
"No I meant not their looks, silly girl," Anne said, "I meant their behavior. Jane, you've made acquaintances with Elizabeth Caunter, right?"  
"Yes I have. Now don't you talk badly of her Anne, she is a sweet girl,"  
"You're quite right but wrong. She is a nasty girl, but a sweet one when compared to Catherine de Perronet," said Mary, "but enough of talks about them. Have you seen Lady Liliandil?"

"No but now I want to," Rose said, "what is it now? New jewelry?"  
"Mmmhmm," Anne said, "a new diamond choker, and ladies, I heard it was the late queen's,"  
"No!"  
"You jest!" Rose exclaimed, "no way would they give any possession of the queen's to a mistress,"  
"Oh but she isn't just a mistress Rose," Jane replied, "a future queen, I daresay,"  
"No!" Rose repeated.

"Well if she is the future queen, why are we all here then?"  
"I don't know, but I want to know," Anne grinned.  
"But she is a fitting lady to be queen," Jane replied, "and the king is clearly in love with her,"  
"He is?" Susan asked.  
"Why yes," Jane answered her, "I heard he's quite infatuated with her,"  
"Hence the jewelries,"  
"Hence his not showing until today," Anne replied, "I think we'll all go home in the end,"  
"Yes I think so too," Mary replied, "goodbye riches,"  
"Goodbye land,"  
"Goodbye handsome king," Rose said somewhat sadly.  
"You all are glad to be going home?" Susan asked them.  
Anne only looked at her and all of them laughed.

"Something funny?" Susan asked in a silly grin.  
"Of course we are glad, silly! I mean, not that it isn't prestigious, but most of us here have responsibilities at home that we can't leave for 10 months, lands and riches or no lands and riches," said Anne.  
"But for the little part of us that doesn't have anything at home like Catherine de Perronet there-"  
"Or Lady Liliandil,"  
"of course they want to be chosen,"  
"Right," Susan said, "my great aunt was a mistress,"  
"She was?" Rose asked in surprise, "we are all called here for random reasons. Maybe that's why they called you? Other than your beauty?" Rose teased.  
"Or the fact that I have 5 brothers, but my beauty works too," Susan replied, and the gang laughed.  
"I got called because my grandmother was a mistress," Jane said.  
"I have 8 brothers," said Anne in a grin, "try living with that and survive," and they laughed.  
"I guess they all must have a reason then," Susan remarked, "they want a boy,"  
"An heir," Mary said, "so I guess the king won't be marrying then,"  
"We don't know what the king will do," said Jane as she held up her glass, ready to take a sip, "he's not shown his face to the public,"  
"You don't agree with his doing so?" Susan asked.  
"I understand his reason for it, but I don't necessarily agree with it," Jane answered.

"He's gone for 7 years," Susan said to her.  
"And no word has even come out from the castle. Can you believe it? Meanwhile outside the palace, people like you all and myself are anxious to know if he is alright,"  
"And not to mention if he's healthy or is there any damage that the people can help with,"  
"He was missing for 7 years after an attack when he was trying for peace for all of us. Maybe he's a little tired," Rose said.  
"What do you think went on in that 7 years?" Susan suddenly asked.

The rest of the party took a moment to think.  
"Do you think he was held captive?"  
"There is no other alternative. He had to be, or else we don't know the answer. None of us do,"  
"The important thing is that he is alright now,"

And they all seemed to agree on that.  
"Well at least we think so. I'm just afraid that some people are going to grow unsure of the king's abilities to rule anymore, after this kind of shock in his life,"  
"Narnia is at peace now," Susan said, "his ruling in the past two months have not shown to us any flaws,"  
"Yes for us it is that way, because it is. But there are people out there who are not as faithful and loyal and clear-headed like we are," Anne said, "they will not hesitate to say things that aren't true to point out imperfections in his reign after this,"  
"I think he will be able to bounce back from any steps backwards, if there are any," Susan answered, "he's the king after all. With a council that's mostly his family. They will support him,"  
"Family?" Rose suddenly asked, "you forget that Miraz was his only family by blood after the late king died,"

Everyone definitely agreed on this one. Suddenly it dawned on Susan that this mistress job might be more important than any of them were ready for.

"So what is it Susan? Anything at home?"  
"Or anyone?" Anne smirked.  
"What makes you think that?" Susan asked as she smiled cheekily.  
"The first day's always the hardest. I've been here 3 days," Anne said, "and I couldn't stop thinking about my husband,"  
"You have a husband?" Susan asked her, half not believing that a girl like Anne Aubert, a feisty red head with appetite for gossip had a husband. But Susan knew she was a kind girl. It was just that her exterior didn't show that she had a wifely character to her. So much a free girl at spirit.  
"Yes, 3 years now," Anne said, "hard to believe?" she was grinning.  
"And I a daughter," said Mary, "a 3 year-old,"

Susan looked around the gang and realized that look that was on their faces.  
"You're all married?" she asked them.  
"Yes," Rose answered, "aren't you?"

Susan didn't answer at that. She was still thinking that maybe her problem wasn't the same after all. They wanted to go home because they had to take care of their families, not exactly because they wanted to be with them. She could be wrong.

"Uh-oh," Anne said, "I'm getting the feeling someone's homesick,"  
"Well tell us Susan," Jane pressed, "a husband?"  
"A lover?" Mary asked as she grinned mischievously and the other girls laughed.  
"Silly Mary," Susan said, "a fiancé,"  
"Oh my my,"  
"A budding romance when compared to our marriage. Not that that's a bad thing," Jane said to her, "most of us crave that kind of excitement,"  
"I've been with him for three years. I don't think there any excitement left for me in the world anymore,"  
"What are you blabbering about?" said Anne, "you've not more than four and twenty years in you silly girl! You've a long way for romance,"  
"No I don't," Susan laughed, "me and him have planned the wedding. It was going to be this summer, but now that this is happening, I don't know when it'll be held. After we all get sent home I think everything will be as planned,"  
"Yes that is what's usually happens," Rose said, "well don't be too homesick Susan. We all know that everything's going to be in place after we are all sent back. Even if one of us is chosen, after 10 months we'll be back home,"  
"Yes but now that we're here might as well enjoy what they're offering us," Mary said in a smile. Susan agreed.

"Now how about that something to eat?" Rose asked, and all of them agreed.

* * *

The ball was long over. They had danced their heart's content and ate good quality food, drank expensive wine and enjoyed lively music. So that was how the castle celebrates, Susan thought to herself, they didn't hold back much. And this was to welcome mistresses. Susan couldn't imagine how they welcomed diplomats and persons in matters of state.

Everyone had fallen asleep in the ballroom. That was how Narnian celebrations usually end up. The next morning, people would wake up feeling groggy and parts to wash up, then breakfast together at the great hall. Anne, Jane, Mary and Rose themselves had also fallen asleep inside the ballroom. But Susan didn't want to sleep there. So when the party fire seemed at its embers, she said goodbye to the girls (who was now her friends) and slipped out of the ballroom and into her far, west-wing bedchamber.

This was when she was happiest that she got the far room. No sound bothered her in the last hour the party went on. Now, the party had subdued and everyone was asleep, and her room wasn't affected at all by the silence or by the noise.

The king had been a no show. Pity that, for Susan wanted to see how he has changed. She didn't even remember how he looked. The last time she looked at her king, it was seven years ago. Seven whole years ago she was 17 years old. Some changes were due to be affecting the king, but it wasn't his looks she was worried about. In Susan's mind, no one could ever be normal after 7 years of whatever's-happened. She, like everyone in the whole kingdom, had been worried. Two months ago, suddenly the King was washed ashore on the beaches of Cair Paravel, and a guard found who found him thought he was an intruder, an illegal person, a criminal. When he turned his body around, he realized that it was their king, and then the whole castle was in hectic mode. Everyone in the kingdom was thrilled for his return, but worried for his well-being. Those seven years he had been away, no one knew what happened. For all Susan knew, anything could have happened. Being held captive, slavery, all those inhumane things were legal in Calormen.

In Susan's head ran a million questions no other girls seemed to be thinking. They were all worried about the king's health and so on, but she didn't hear a single inquiry about those seven years. Susan had thought about this for nights, wondering what had happened that caused him unable to run away, to flee? Was it possible that what happened to him was something good? But if it is, why was he unconscious in the shores of Cair Paravel? Why was he found in such a state? Had it all been a conspiracy from his part to get away from his responsibilities as king?

Right there was when she would stop.  
There was no way that the king would do that. He had been only 17 years of age when he fought against his own uncle, a usurper of his throne, to protect Narnians and Telmarines at the same time. He was no more than a boy when he brought this nation together to peace. He faced death and dangers for Narnia, it made no sense for him to abandon her. So she concludes that what happened in those seven years must have been bad.

Yet the castle has showed no sign of the king's need for recovery. If those seven years had been gruesome, surely he must need something? They even held this, a selection for mistresses. No king in a less-than-normal condition would agree on this, right? So that must mean that he is alright after all? Susan is confused at this, but she believed what others believed just because she knew nothing otherwise. Everything seemed normal, and everyone believed that. She saw no reason not to, so she did.

He was the king of Narnia. A great man with great responsibilities and a great vigor to survive. He was a good king and a strong man for surviving that seven years, and in her heart Susan convinced herself that he would be nothing but at his best.

She combed her hair, ready to sleep as she thought about this and looked blankly into the vanity. _No use thinking about this, _Susan thought to herself, _your thoughts wouldn't matter unless it's the truth._ What she thought was right. So she combed her hair one final stroke before she stood placed the comb on the roots of her hair and was about to pull down the golden comb when she suddenly heard a loud thud outside her door.  
She sharply turned her head at the wooden barrier. What was that?

For a moment she stayed silent, sharpening her hearing. All she heard was the dead of night, and nothing more, so she eased for a bit.  
Suddenly Susan heard a loud scream, and that was when she quickly stood up and ran to open her door. What she saw next was an image she might not be able to forget for her entire life.

Outside her wooden door of the bedchamber in the west-wing of the castle, where no other occupants were there, a man lied on the floor, writhing in agony, wrists slit and blood came out of his wounds. Tears dropped from his closed eyes as he screamed in pain. No one was there. No one was going to hear him. Susan looked at his wrists and saw the flashing red of the blood that bled out from his wide gash.

It was when he turned over that she could finally see who it was.

Caspian, King of Narnia, was committing suicide.


	3. The King in Her Bed

**Author's Note: Hey guys! A slight M this chapter for language. And thanks so much to all of you who's reviewed! I always always appreciate feedback from you guys, so don't hesitate to review and tell me what you think :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

* * *

"_Do not fucking tell anyone! You hear me?!"_

Susan didn't know anything about what just happened a few hours ago. She had found the king of Narnia slitting his own wrists in front of her bedroom chamber in his castle. What was happening? Why did it have to be outside her door? And then a few hours back, it dawned on her exactly why he had chosen so. Her room was the furthest away, wasn't it? That was why he was there in the first place. He had wanted to be undiscovered. He had wanted to die.

Turns out he wasn't alright like everyone thought he was, after all. And his no-show wasn't for no reason, either. Something was happening, something the public didn't know about. Something that not even the lords knew about, Susan thought to herself. No one in the castle seemed to be anxious over the king's unknown condition. If anyone knew, it'd be the lords, right? Why were they all as if nothing troubling was going on? Was the king keeping it all a secret? Were they pretending not to know? What was so depressing that caused the King of Narnia to go over the edge like this? What really happened in those 7 years?

Susan squeezed the cold water off the towel she was soaking it in. The man was lying down in her bed now, wrists tightly bandaged and had been changed four times in the last 4 hours. She had been panicked but wasn't a stranger to all of this. She had quickly got some water that has grown cold from her bathtub and soaked some towels before wrapping it tightly on his wrists. He had been unconscious by the time Susan managed to get him to her bed. Now he was still unconscious, and Susan thought about what he had said.

He didn't want her to get anyone for help. He was committing suicide, that she was sure of. But why?  
Susan sat back after a long night of panicking and stressful decisions on how to treat him. He was pale, but now colour seemed to come back to his cheeks. Susan didn't think about what would happen if he didn't survive the night. Evidences would lead to her being the suspect. That would lead to treason. She could be executed, for all she knew. Those things didn't even come to her mind. She sat back on an arm chair that she has pulled close to the bed to watch over him, waiting in stress for him to awake. What if he doesn't? What if his plan succeeded after all? What would happen to this whole nation?

Why did he try something like that? Was he not aware of what that would do?  
_Stupid fucking question,_ Susan scolded herself, _of course he was fucking aware. So his ignorance isn't the problem. Something must be pressing him, something so big that his responsibilities weren't being an object of consideration anymore. He must be depressed. But what was causing his depression? Was it this whole mistress search? Would that be possible? Was it those seven years? What the fuck happened in those years?_ Everyone seemed to think that what happened in those years he was gone wasn't a big deal. But now Susan proved herself to be right. What had happened had to be bad, had to be severe. That's why the castle didn't give out any information of the king's well being; maybe because he wasn't well at all. Maybe the castle didn't even know of what went on. Maybe that's why they haven't said anything regarding this situation; because they weren't able to, because they didn't know.

She looked at his unconscious face long and hard. Something was bothering him. Something was driving him insane, so bad that he had resorted to a plan to escape from it all. The problem was she had no idea what it was. She wasn't sure she was entitled to know. He's the King of Narnia. And who was she?

His face has changed. The last time she saw him was when he was parading as a winner of the war from Miraz. He was coming back home from war, as a king. A rightful king, who fought the evil forces and drove them out of Narnia. They both were just youths, he had been 17 and she had been 15. Now, 9 whole years later, something was bound to change. And he has. Amidst all the panic and stressful thoughts and worrying, Susan found his face even more depressed. He was not peaceful. His face was troubled, even in his sleep.

Suddenly he moved and Susan was shocked to her death, but relieved. She quickly got up and knelt beside him, held his hand and called for him to wake up.

"Your Majesty," she called.  
He turned his head and slowly his eyes opened. Susan breathed out a sigh of utter relief when she saw him conscious.  
"Thank Aslan," she said, out of breath.

"Who are you?" he asked her, his eyebrows furrowed and his tone interrogatively suspicious. Susan looked at him, intimidated and afraid. Here was the King of Narnia, questioning her. The fact that she had just saved his life was out the window now. It wasn't as if he owed her a life.  
"Well," he demanded, "answer me,"  
"Susan Pevensie, Your Majesty," she answered, lowering her head, "I..I was summoned to the castle,"  
"For what?" he asked again, abruptly moving to stand up.  
"No, Your Majesty you're not well to move," she quickly urged. He seemed to agree with that.

"You were summoned here?" he asked again.  
"Yes," Susan answered him.  
"Under what circumstances?"  
Susan paused for a moment before she realized that he had no idea about this at all.  
"Th-The..The favor of the King, Your Majesty," she replied. At that, Caspian didn't say anything for a moment. Then he looked down to the bandages.

"What is this?" he tried to lift up his hands.  
"Bandages for your wounds, Sire," she answered, "I had them soaked with cold water to—"  
"Why?"  
"I'm sorry?" she didn't understand his question.  
"Why did you save me?"

Susan didn't know what to answer.

"Why did you save me?" he asked again.  
"I..I—"  
"Did you tell anyone about this?"  
"No, I didn't," she answered quickly.  
"Good. That is how it shall remain for the rest of your life, if you pity it," he said, "did I make myself clear?"

She looked at him, half not believing what she just heard.

"I..I understand, Your Majesty," she answered. He took a look at her face for a second before finally nodding, a sign to let her go of his inquiries. Susan took the signal quickly and walked away to get him some water.

He didn't look hurt at all. His wrists didn't even look sore or anything. He just looked pissed off. Not at her per se, but troubled, nonetheless. And Susan realized that her actions on saving his life wasn't making him happy. _Stupid,_ she scolded herself once again silently, _you just ruined his attempt at suicide, of course he's unhappy. _She realized that an attempt's still an attempt. And she made his unsuccessful. _Well he should be happy, shouldn't he? I saved his life,_ she thought again. He clearly didn't look like so.

"I'm sorry I took your bed," he suddenly said.  
Susan quickly turned around, not believing how his tone suddenly changed. It was less commanding, less authority.  
"I didn't ask to be here," he said again, bitterness clear in his voice.  
Susan couldn't answer that. But she was beginning to feel awkward when she felt him gazing intently on her face.  
"Where are you from, Lady Susan?"  
"Lantern Waste Your Majesty," answered her, "and I am hardly any lady,"  
"Oh? A Madam then?"  
"A commoner, my king," said Susan, "nothing more,"

He looked at her features, trying to decipher her. Susan sat down beside him and changed his bandage a fifth time.  
"A husband at home?"  
"A fiancé, my lord," she answered as she opened the old cloth, pinkish with faint hues of blood.  
"A noble rank?"  
"A farmer," she replied, "and very good at his job, Your Majesty,"  
"I'm sure he is," he answered her. He felt the stinging pain in his wrists, and looked at the damage that he had caused himself. The cuts were still red but the blood is now dried. Susan dried the remains of wetness from the cloth on his hand and replaced it with a dry bandage with gauze.

For a moment, none of them said a word. Susan still didn't understand why he would want to kill himself, but she decided that maybe it was none of her business. It wasn't her place. He clearly didn't think it was. And he clearly was over it. Or it seemed like it. When she lifted her head up after changing his bandage, the King was asleep. So she sat on her armchair and not long after that, fell asleep too. Two hours later when the sun rose, Susan Pevensie woke up to find her bed empty. Just like he had come into her life yester night, he was gone just as quick.

* * *

"Good morning Susan!" Anne greeted her when she saw her on her way to the great hall for breakfast.  
"Hello Anne," Susan smiled widely, "where's Rose and the others?"  
"Already inside I think. We're the latest ones. I had a hair emergency, that's my excuse. What's yours?" she asked casually. Susan turned her head to look at her. She didn't know anything.  
"Stomach ache," she answered her new friend, "and a bad one,"  
"Oh no, I'm so sorry," she answered, "you hardly ate anything last night at the party,"  
"Yes that must be why," Susan replied her as they both walked into the hall. Jane and Rose saved a seat for Anne and Susan. Breakfast was on full swing, a buffet was opened especially for the girls. Everybody mostly had omelets and sausages in their plates, or toasts and famous Telmarine breakfast sandwiches. Drinks were varied, from water to mulled wine; everything was available for their reach.

"They're really spoiling us rotten," Susan remarked to Rose, "wine for breakfast?"  
"I know," Rose answered, "isn't it fabulous?"  
Susan grinned at her friend. "It won't be so fabulous when they send us home fat,"  
"Silly girl," Rose replied laughing.  
"Hey Susan pity you didn't stay longer last night," Jane remarked, "Mary here shared a dance with a handsome stranger,"  
Mary instantly grinned and blushed. "And he shall remain a stranger for as long as I live. I am married, ladies," she said.  
"Yes and we all were asked to dance," Jane said again, "sadly we are all in a position like Mary's. All taken,"  
"Well the only one hopeful is you, unmarried girl," said Anne to Susan, "a real pity you didn't stay,"  
"I was feeling tired," Susan answered her, lying. She blocked out the memories of last night's events, but she didn't succeed. Why did he leave? _You didn't expect him to stay, did you?_ Susan asked herself. No of course not. But that would be a lie too. Maybe she did. _Crazy,_ she said to herself, _you are one crazy person._  
But however she tried to talk herself out of it, she knew. Susan knew exactly what she felt. Here was the King of Narnia, a great hero who had just returned from seven years of being thought dead, in her bed because _she _saved his life. He was there right in the flesh, the mysterious man everyone was talking about, the mysterious man she had just wondered about. She was in awe, that's what she was. She was shocked, flabbergasted, basked in his glorious presence and powerful charisma, and pulled into it without her consent. Any woman, any human would suddenly shrink before the king. That was what she felt happened to her last night.

"I heard the king didn't return to his chamber last night," Susan heard the girls talk to each other.  
"With Lady Liliandil, I presume?"  
"Yes that's what I think happened too,"  
"Maybe he will tire of her quickly. Maybe that's why we are called here?"  
"I don't know, but I sure am anxious to go home but be here at the same time, with all this glory and riches," Anne said, and the girls laughed.

"Where do you think he did it with her, you know, if not in his chamber?" Anne asked again.  
"Anne you cheeky little nugget," Rose laughed aloud.  
"Nugget? Rose, come on," Anne teased and the laughter got louder.  
"What? It's a term of endearment,"  
"Yes to a type of chicken meat dish," she said, "but seriously. You're all thinking it, why shouldn't I say it out loud?"  
"Because someone might hear you, silly chicken," Jane said while laughing, "and it won't please the king to know one of his mistress-to-be is cheeky and nosy,"  
"I'm sure anyone in this room would like to know about that as much as I do. Susan, wouldn't you?" Anne asked as she lifted her fork full of scrambled eggs.  
"I'm sure Susan wasn't thinking about this at all, aren't you Sue?" Mary nudged her shoulders.  
"Yes, probably thinking about handsome fiancé back at home," Jane teased, and the others laughed cheekier than usual.  
"Silly girls," Susan joined in their laughter with a smile. Her smile was bitter as it came with the realization that she hadn't been thinking about Willan at all last night.

"Miss Susan," suddenly a guard was on her side, and the gang quieted. Susan turned her head to look at the guard sent before her.  
"I was sent by His Majesty the King to give this to you,"

And then she could feel the whole room was silenced. She looked at the box that the guard gave to her; encrusted with gold and pearls. It was tied with a red velvet ribbon, and a seal with the King's initials; CX.  
Susan then looked at the rest of the room. They all looked at her, some with excited smiles and some with bitter, envious jealousy flaming. She looked at the guard once again without moving her hands at all. He was smiling at her.

No. No she couldn't accept this gift from him. What did it mean? She swore that she would be sent home, that she would blend in to the crowd so that he won't notice her and eventually pick her. Suddenly today, her second day, she was given a gift personally from the King. Of course she couldn't accept it. Not when she knew what it meant.

"I thank you, sir," Susan said quietly, "but I cannot accept it,"  
"Uhh err I think what she meant, kind sir," Anne interrupted, "is that she is honored by it immensely,"  
"And wishes to send her gratitude to His Highness the King," Jane said quickly, "here Susan," she took the box and placed it inside Susan's grasp.  
"I will tell him immediately of your happiness upon receiving it, Miss Susan," the guard said, and then he left.

Susan couldn't think. She didn't even know what was going on in that room as she looked at box and just stared at it for some time.  
"Susan," Mary said, "one does not reject gifts from the King,"  
She snapped out of her daydream.  
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said.

While she was slowly starting to feel her demise, the others were excited.  
"Well open the godforsaken box Susan!" Anne said.  
"Susan come on open the box and see what's inside!" Rose exclaimed excitedly. Then Susan slowly looked at her friends and the only words that came out from her mouth were:

"Not here,"

And then she got out of her chair and walked quickly to her room. Rose, Jane, Anne and Mary quickly followed suit.

* * *

"Oh my God," were the three words that came out of Anne's mouth. That, and followed by giggles and laughter from the others. Susan found it hard to breathe as she saw what was inside the box she had just been given.  
Inside, sitting on a bed of blue velvet, a diamond choker with Susan's initials on them. SP.

"It's huge!" Rose exclaimed, "and it has got your initials on them,"  
"That means he had it made for you," Jane remarked happily.  
"Well put it on you silly girl," Mary said, and Susan picked the choker up, placed it around her neck and tied the clasp on its back.

"It's glorious on you," Anne said.  
"Yes, and highly inappropriate," Susan answered.  
"What do you mean inappropriate?" Jane asked, "Susan, that is a gift from the king!"  
"That must mean he chose you!" said Mary excitedly, "now I just wonder when he met you?"  
"We all know what happened last night then after you slip out from the ballroom, right ladies?" Anne teased and the others laughed aloud.

"So what is it Susan? What happened last night? You know you're not allowed to spare any details,"  
"And don't discount the dialogues too, we want to hear the whole thing!" Rose said with a big grin.

"Nothing happened, okay?" Susan said as she took off the choker and placed it inside the box.  
"You mean you and him didn't meet yester night?" Jane inquired.  
"What did you two talk about?"  
"Nothing. We talked of nothing,"  
"Now Susan don't play the snooty girl here now that you're the king's chosen!" Anne said, pretending to be sad, "we'll all part ways not long after this,"  
At that, Susan turned her head. "Part ways?" she asked, panicked.  
"Of course silly," said Rose, "he must've chosen you now, that means we don't have any business left here,"  
"Wait, wait a minute," Susan said, "you all can't think that he's picked me to be his mistress, can you?"

The girls all quieted down.  
"You know, it's like you're not even here for the last 10 minutes," Anne said ironically.  
"That's exactly what we are thinking," Jane said, "and it's the truth! Did you see Catherine de Perronet's face? Priceless,"  
"Now come on Susan, tell us what happened,"  
"Nothing happened," Susan answered.  
"Now do kiss and tell please!" Anne laughed.  
"I didn't kiss him!" Susan answered, overwhelmed. "We only talked. Now before you ladies start to ask about other things that are highly inappropriate, you should remind yourselves to not be so nosy," she teased. The others groaned in protest.  
"No, no I am not sharing details!" Susan laughed again, teasing all of them. They continued to nag in protest. Soon they kept busy to themselves, thinking aloud about what might have happened last night between Susan and the king, Susan was left to her thoughts alone.

Now that she had a chance to think, she didn't know what would happen after this. What did it even mean? A brand new jewelry? A diamond choker, in fact. Surely he gave this to her only because she had saved his life yester night? It had to be, right? After all, what is the actual price for a life? Was a diamond choker his way of thanking her? Or had it mean something else? Susan was afraid to think further into the possibility of the latter.

"Well tell us one thing then!" Anne said, "go on,"  
"What?" Susan didn't understand.  
"Simpleton, how does he look?" Anne asked eagerly.  
"Is he handsome at all?"  
"Is he scarred or fat?"

Susan blanked out as she remembered his face. Troubled, stressed, but under all of that she could see the purity and the same face that possessed the good character of a man who had once saved Narnia. He was not peaceful, but nonetheless flawless.

"Well?" Anne pressed her, "what was he like?!" she nearly screamed in excitement.  
"He's.." Susan answered, "he's intimidating,"  
"And?"  
"And..very stern," she said again.  
"Well what does he look like now?" they all pressed her. And between keeping his secret and telling her thoughts, only one thing remained that Susan knew to be completely true.

"He's perfect,"


	4. Only His Gift is to be Worn by Her

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

**Enjoy guys! Thanks a bunch to all of you lovelies who've reviewed! Don't forget to tell me what you think about this chapter and the story so far, where would you like to see it go? **

* * *

"She's not his mistress,"  
"She's not?"

The girls were having tea together, enjoying the cool afternoon. Rose and Mary had just given a newly-obtained information.  
"She's not," Rose said, "they're acquaintances, merely friends, no more," she explained.  
"And get this," Mary said, lowering her voice, "they are to be married,"  
"What?!"  
"No!"  
"You jest!"  
"No, ladies, I'm quite serious," Mary said again, "they're to be married. We're to have a new queen by spring,"

"Liliandil?" Anne asked, half unsure what she heard was right.  
"Yes, Liliandil," Mary answered, "the lords said that,"  
"That's why the ball is held tomorrow night?" Anne asked again.  
"Yes, a farewell ball to all of us possible-mistresses, because the King has chosen, not a mistress, but a queen,"  
"A bride?" Anne was surprised, "so soon!"  
"Yes, but a good choice," and they all agreed.  
"Liliandil," Rose said.  
"Liliandil," Jane agreed.

"They were friends?" Susan asked.  
"Yes, long before the war even broke," Rose explained, "from what I've heard, they met in Ramandu's Island when he was on the Dawn Treader."

They all were sitting in the parlor drinking tea. And as they all stayed silent for a minute, Mary sipped her tea and said;  
"Well no surprise there, then. He should pick the one he knows, right? I think this calls for a celebration ladies. We're all finally going home,"  
"I agree. It's been a week, I miss home,"  
"Me too," Anne agreed, "but we all know four of us miss home. What about that one?" she asked to the whole room, a cheeky grin on her face.

"What?" Susan asked back as soon as she realized that she was the elephant in the room.  
"Oh come on Susan," Rose said, excitedly, "surely you must feel disappointed, or something?"  
"Look he gave you a diamond choker," Jane said, "that must've lead you to being…lead on,"  
"I am not lead on," Susan answered, laughing.  
"You didn't expect anything from him?"  
"How did you feel when you heard that he chose Liliandil?"

That question from Mary was a question she asked herself.  
"I feel like you all do. Excited to be home," she said, "and, excited to welcome our new queen. It's about time,"  
And then all of them laughed.  
"You jest with us," Anne said, "but it is quite alright if you feel sad you know. I would, if I were you,"  
"Yes and I," Mary said, and they all agreed. "A diamond choker's as good as any to make you hopeful,"  
"I wasn't hopeful," Susan answered, "now can we please stop teasing me and just enjoy tea?" she laughed.

"Fine," Jane answered, "let's talk about the ball tomorrow. Oh Anne, can I borrow your green ribbon for tomorrow? I didn't bring anything else slightly worthy for a ball,"  
"Sure," Anne answered, "oh and Susan, the four of us planned to stay over at my house for a while before returning to their homes, would you like to come?"  
"Sure," Susan replied, "I'd be happy to,"  
"Yes and maybe you can introduce her to one of your brothers, Anne," Mary teased.  
Susan laughed, "I have a fiancé you know,"  
"Ah yes, a fiancé," Jane said, "all the more reason to have a fling,"  
"Naughty naughty," Susan said amidst the laughter that went on.

"But do tell us of this mystery man, Susan," Anne said, "for one, what's his name?"  
"Juan Willan,"  
"Juan Willan?" Mary repeated, "what a brooding name,"  
"What do you mean brooding name?" Susan laughed.  
"What does he do?" Rose asked.  
"He's a farmer," Susan answered, "mostly cotton,"  
"A cotton farmer?" Anne asked, "You must be in it for the money then," she teased, and all of them burst into laughter, including Susan.

"No, no ladies, if I wanted money, I'd have the king,"  
"Oh no you didn't," Anne said amidst her laugh, "intrigue!"

"I take it his father was a farmer then?"  
"No," Susan answered, "he started on his own. He was a high knight in Miraz's reign,"

At that, the room went silent.  
"Well you're shittin' me," Anne said.  
"He was a high knight in the old rule?" Rose asked again.  
"Yes," she answered, "but he got out when he should. Enough of this interrogation, aren't we supposed to get ready for dinner?"  
"Your fiancé is a retired high knight?"  
"Yes," Susan said, "he is,"  
"You realize what this means?"  
"What?" Susan asked, half afraid at Jane's tone.  
"He must have a body for ages,"

And then they all, once again, burst into laughter.  
"Yeah, that and farming too,"  
"We pictured him as fat and greasy,"  
"Hey not fair!" Susan said, "I'm a catch you know,"  
"Aye, given by the king a diamond choker,"  
" Not that again, please,"

* * *

An entire week had passed by since that whole thing with The King happened. No word from him at all. The next morning a week ago, she had been given a diamond choker with her initials on them. Truth be told, Susan was expecting something coming her way. But no, nothing happened. She wasn't called, wasn't told anything, and neither were the rest of the women under the favor of the king. Nothing happened.

They played bridge and rode horses, had formal fancy dinners and parties, but the King had been a no show. No one's even seen what he looked like now, after 7 years being gone. And it looked like they won't know after all.

He had chosen Liliandil. That's what the lords all said.  
Susan didn't know how she should feel. She lied to her friends about her not being lead on. Truth is, she was. But how she reacted to that, she wasn't even sure. She had a loving fiancé waiting for her back home, and being the king's mistress was something they both didn't want for her. All the other girls like Anne for instance, even though in possession of a loving spouse, was still supported by that same husband and was excited were she chosen. Willan and Susan may be the only two people in the whole of Narnia to think the opposite. But now that something can happened between herself and the King, Susan didn't realize that she had to convince herself that she wanted that something to happen.

Liliandil?  
She couldn't blame him for picking her. She was a star, daughter of Ramandu of Ramandu's Island. A beautiful creature, fit for a queen. Fit to stand next to him. They would look good together, Susan thought. She is quite handsome. And a nice person. Susan hadn't had the opportunity to talk to her yet, but she heard from Rose that the star was really friendly to her in a conversation over dinner. People say that she had been the king's mistress, a current favorite of his. But that wasn't true at all. They had been acquaintances from years back before the war even broke.

Yes, Susan decided, the pair would make a good king and queen. From the way she brings herself, Susan knew she was a patient woman, a kind hearted soul. The right woman to stand by the King's side; a troubled man, filled with distresses Susan knew nothing about. He had tried to kill himself, for Aslan's sake, Aslan knows he was depressed. Yes she did save him. Even though he might not want to be saved, she did. And while it was Susan who saved him from death, it was Liliandil who would help him keep living.

Susan didn't know what to think. What was her role in all of this? Seeing that it all will end by tomorrow, Susan's expectations that she might have a bigger part in this phase of things slowly died. Maybe she wasn't supposed to have a part. And that is very fine to her. She has accepted it that it was the way it was. _After all, _she thought to herself as she looked at her reflection in the mirror, _how special do you think you are to have a life as exciting as that?_ She laughed at her previous thoughts, the thoughts that considered it remotely possible that she might be chosen. She didn't want to be. But yes, after saving the king's life, she thought something more would happen.

She put on her blue dress, combed her hair before going out to dinner tonight.  
The dinner was apparently a big deal. Everyone looked forward to it, because it was their last dine-in in the castle before they're bound to leave the morning after tomorrow. She was, as usual, just following the flow. Nothing was going to happen, as nothing did in the last week. Dinners that had passed just went by effortlessly, with spicy gossip and happy laughter, delicious food and tasty beverages.

She walked through the corridors from her far, west-wing-room, and saw that the sky was turning pink and orange, with streaks of majestic purple. How beautiful everything was, what opportunity she had right then, living in the castle. It was something to tell her children and grandkids, she supposed, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to live in the castle as esteemed guests.  
It was a fact well known that not very many of the girls invited were from a rich pedigree. Educated, many, but seldom were rich in specific. No one with a title, that's for sure, because mistresses were never sought from the titled. The titled were considered to be too demanding, in possession of rights, whereas commoners, the peasants, if chosen, were to be given a title by the king, and therefore, able to be taken away by the king immediately, with no official pedigree whatsoever. And Lady Liliandil was not to be taken a mistress; she was to be taken a queen.

_A peculiar world we live in,_ Susan thought to herself as she continued walking. And a peculiar King. _A misunderstood King, _she thought again, _and a misunderstood hero. _She felt bad for him, truly. Nobody knew that he was in so much pain, suffering so much. Susan herself knew nothing of it, but she had had to save him from suicide. A misunderstood King is what he is. And Susan was not the one who would try to understand him, obviously.

"Susan! Here," Jane exclaimed as she saw her enter the ballroom. She walked up to her eagerly and sat down beside her.  
"Everyone's dressed to impress Aslan knows what," Jane remarked, "look at that pompous Catherine de Perronet. I mean who is she trying to catch, really? All that fancy dresses and vulgar jewels," she said as she sipped a glass of wine, annoyed.  
"Now now Jane," Susan teased, "we mustn't expect all of them to be as poor as we are,"  
"True, that," Anne answered, "But look at lovely Lady Liliandil," and their eyes went to the star, "how lovely she is without any rouge or jewelry,"  
"She's a star, well beyond our level," Rose said.  
"And Catherine de Perronet, is not," Jane replied, and all the others agreed silently.

"Ladies, I saw the king just now," Mary said in a quick manner, "he's heading here I think!" she was excited.  
"He's heading here?" Anne said, also excited.  
"Yes! And I know I shouldn't say this, but I think you'll all be very sad he chose a bride already,"  
"Mmm!" Jane exclaimed, "I sure would like some action just thinking about it,"  
The others laughed, "Jane you dirty,"  
"You should all see him I assure you! We have a handsome king, my God, a most handsome king!"

Suddenly the door to the great hall opened loudly.  
"His Royal Majesty, Caspian, King of Narnia!"

All the heads turn to look at him, and everyone instantly stood up and bowed to him.  
His presence was intimidating. Everyone wasn't able to say a word at his unexpected presence. He had a fur coat, a silver tunic over his black shirt, grey breeches and black boots. His fingers, adorned with rings of titles and seals of the King. He was not smiling, nor was he frowning. He was just..there. No words, no remarks, no nothing from him. And atop his head; a golden crown, adorned with blue sapphires, sat on the head of the only person in Narnia entitled to wear it.

Susan didn't look at him. Part of her wanted to stay hidden, wanted to be unseen to him. She was afraid that he was searching for her, but could he be? Was it even possible? And so she stayed in her bow as the others did, and when they all returned to their standing positions, Susan felt herself becoming so little.

His eyes searched for something, for someone. He didn't care for the flirtatious smiles that some of them were giving him, didn't care for the passive aggressive attraction some of them emanated from their very beings. He didn't notice them all. Susan looked at him looking for someone, and after the split second that their eyes met, Susan felt her heart skipped a beat before instantly looking down at the floor, avoiding contact.

Time seemed to move so slow as she didn't know what he did next. But from her gaze, she could see the women around her moved away, walking away, making way. He was coming towards her. And when she saw his body stopping in front of her, Susan froze.

"Look at your King," he said, a friendly command.  
Susan lifted her head. "My Lord," she said to him.  
"Where is your necklace?" he asked her.  
"In my bed chamber, Your Majesty," she answered him, not daring to look into his eyes.

"Do you not like my gift?" he asked her.  
"I do, Your Majesty," Susan answered, "and I am grateful for it,"  
"Then you shall wear nothing else with it, tonight,"

Susan lifted her gaze to look directly into his eyes, wasn't sure that what she just heard was right, but could it be less than true?  
"My lord?" she asked, her eyes widened and her eyebrows furrowed. Her voice was a mere breath of uncertainty.

"Tonight," he repeated, and Susan opened her mouth, not sure what she was going to say, before she realized that she couldn't protest anything. He was the goddamn King of goddamn Narnia. He wasn't asking her to do it, he was commanding her. He was so sure of what he said, so sure of what he wanted. He looked into her eyes, nodding slightly before he turned around and left in a quick pace, not looking back, so sure of what he just said. In the background of her thoughts, Susan could hear the announcer announcing his leave, and then the girls asking her what he just said to her. They all didn't know. And she wasn't sure that she knew, either.


	5. An Easy Kill

**Hey everyone, thanks to all of you who've read and reviewed, you're all awesome. Warning for this chapter, you all know what's coming right? Don't forget to review and tell me what you think of it! :) Oh and I know it's a little late, but Happy Easter y'all! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

* * *

That diamond choker all of a sudden seemed very heavy.  
Putting it on felt like a confirmation of her being a whore, and Susan felt disgusted at herself. The entire castle was asleep. No one knew of what she was about to do. Maybe not even her. What was the real reason of him saying what he did to her? Did he want her? Did he want her like _that? _Apparently yes. And she wasn't sure that she liked this. Either way, it won't change the fact that whatever will happen will happen. No choice but to swallow it.

She sat on her vanity and fidgeted while putting on perfume behind her ears and atop her chest. She had just taken a cold shower until she felt clean, and that took a long time. No, she wasn't going to feel clean at all tonight. The choker that the King gave her was sitting on her neck now, a vulgar jewelry. She would throw it out after all of this is over, though. Or maybe sell it, yes that's a better idea, might as well get some money out of this.

_Maybe he just wants to talk, _she thought to herself, but she knew better. That idea was impossible. He had asked for her naked, hadn't he? No way had he only wanted to _talk. _Susan kept it only in her mind because she wasn't ready at the fact that he may want something more. What about Liliandil? What about all the rumors that she was picked as a bride to the king? What happened to all of those normal, agreeable things? All rumors, never true. The vast truth lied in front of Susan's eyes now, big fields that made her feel small.

She combed her hair and looked at her face; clean of rouge and of anything else. She was only her, with a diamond choker on her neck. He had asked for her to be naked, but she couldn't be. She couldn't bring herself to open her clothes herself for him. Maybe later, when she has to. But to take off her clothes herself, no. She couldn't.

She went outside her door and was escorted into the King's room by a guard sent by the King. The halls were already dark and the air was colder. She was told to go after midnight, and so the entire castle was asleep. Except for the King, of course. She stopped in front of the King's bedchamber and paused a little before getting in.

"Thank you," she said briefly to the guard that escorted her, smiling so nervously that it didn't seem genuine. And then, she entered.

A long, wide hall of dark stones was an entryway to the actual room. She could see furniture and glimpses of the King's furnishings at the end of the hall. At the sound of the door closing, nothing reacted, so she slowly walked in. Uncertainty was in her steps and clear in her eyes. Was he there? Was he not there? Should she walk forth? Or should she wait to be called? Should she even be questioning these questions? Should she be this afraid? She got to the end of the hall and bright lights by candles and the fireplace lit her vision. The room was much more grander than that of her room in the west wing, or any other room she's seen inside the castle. His was decorated with golden ornaments, smelled of jasmine and wine.

The fireplace was lit, making it warm inside the grand room. The walls were dark marbles. A big wardrobe stood to her right, and not far from there, another hall that leads to the King's study, with a telescope and books scattered everywhere. The windows filled the walls, big and tall, drawn with blue velvet curtains. And then she looked at what took up most of the space. The king's bed was big and wide, white pillows were everywhere at the head, and blankets of brown fur lay strewn on the bed. A sheer curtain hung from the top of the posters, down to the floor. In front of his bed on the wall was a floor length mirror. Susan grew more nervous at the sight of that.

She walked slowly, unsurely to the side of his bed and looked at his night stand, where a book lay bookmarked, a spectacle was folded neatly and lied on top of the book. She read the title carefully. '_Mere Faith'_?

"I thought you understand that I want you in your choker,"

And Susan breathed in sharply as she abruptly turned around.  
"And nothing else," he continued. Susan instantly lowered her body for a bow.  
"Forgive me Your Majesty," she said in a quick manner, timid.

The King didn't reply. He turned around and walked towards the table near his wardrobe. From the noise, Susan knew he was pouring a drink. It smelled like wine.  
He had on a dark grey robe with decorations of silver threads, the crown no longer on his head. Black satin breeches, barefoot. Under his robe, a white sleeping shirt. He looked so ordinary, at the same time still so distant. Truth be told Susan didn't know anything about him at all. That didn't matter when the King was only a king to her. Now he might be something more. But then again maybe not.

"You must stop apologizing," he said as he handed her the goblet in his left hand while holding his own in his right, "it's not attractive,"  
Susan looked at his face, not smiling at all. It was at times like these that she realizes that he was indeed the King, a man who gets what he wants when he wants it. And her job is to cater to what he wants.

"Thank you," she answered as she received the goblet. His wrist stretched out from the sleeve of his robe, and Susan could see the dried blood from the slits he inflicted. Both his wrists had them. More than one.

He realized that she was looking at his scars, and he quickly retracted them, "that's Your Majesty, to you," he said as he walked away.  
"Your Majesty," said Susan after a pause. She looked at his back, hidden by the grand robe that went down to the floor.  
"People are going to ask," He said, his back to her, "about my wrists."

He turned around, and looked at her standing in front of him, goblet in hand. He looked at her figure, revealingly hidden under the oversized night gown that hid most of her, the important parts of her. He could just make out her waist, the curve of her hips, the collarbone that stuck out, her long fingers holding the goblet with both hands, trying to cover herself up.

"There will be consequences," he said again, "should you decide to break your oath and tell a person. Do you understand?"  
"Yes Your Majesty," she replied quickly. He knew. He could hear her fear of him from her voice. Her eyes gave them away too. And the way she stood. Caspian nodded after he was sure that she did understand. From the looks of her, she wouldn't tell a soul. She feared him too much.  
He drank his wine and put the goblet aside before walking up to her slowly. She only stayed there, unsure of what to do. And he could clearly see it all. She was closing up the more he got closer, and he was forcing her open. She didn't dare look into his eyes.

"Sit down," he gestured his head to his bed. Susan turned around and walked up to the bed before sitting down on the edge of it. He went to his wardrobe and took off his robe before setting it aside. When he turned around, she was already sitting down, wine still in hand. But no, he wouldn't tell her to go and put it aside like the good girl she is. Let her have a few mouthfuls. Maybe even a second glass. She'll need it.

He went and sat down beside her, studying her face and features, not saying anything. She didn't turn her face to look at him. She only looks at the floor, or the fireplace, or his wardrobe, anywhere but at him. He smiled slightly at her innocence.

"Your fiancé," he started, "what's his name?"  
"Juan Willan, my lord," she answered him.  
"Willan?" he asked, "now where have I heard that name before?"  
"He was a knight in the old rule Your Majesty," she said, "but he quit after the war and moved to Lantern Waste,"  
"Why?" he asked her, still studying her features from the side.  
"A farmer life seemed more peaceful to him, my lord," Susan replied. She still didn't look at him, didn't dare to.  
"But not to you," he said after some silence, and she smiled nervously.

"He quit because he is afraid," he said again.  
"Matters of life and death are too complex, my lord,"  
"For him it is," he remarked, studying her expression, "but you crave it, complexity,"  
"I crave simplicity, Your Majesty," she answered.  
"Yes but you are lying," he replied her, "I can see it in your eyes even when you don't let me see them,"

Susan lifted her head to look at him.  
"You miss home," he remarked. She smiled.  
"But it's not him you miss from being home," he said again, and the smile was gone from her face. "So maybe you don't miss home at all, then. You're only not yet familiar with the surroundings here,"  
"What my lord says isn't true," she said, "I do miss my fiancé," smiling, once again looking at everything else other than him.  
"Yet you've never thought about him once since you've met me,"

That caught her attention. When she looked at him, he had been studying her long enough to know that that is true.  
"Correct me if I'm wrong," he said to her, challenging, "I doubt that I am,"  
Susan wanted to say to him that he was indeed wrong, but she realized that what he said was true. Willan hadn't even crossed her mind. Hadn't he? She tried to think. It was useless.

"You want a life bigger than being a cotton farmer's wife," he said, "you think you're destined for something greater, grander," she didn't deny. "The king's mistress?" he asked her, a smile on his face. Susan looked at him and how he smiled, his smile not touching his eyes. Not a kind smile towards her, a teasing smile, a bullying smile. And she suddenly felt naked in front of him, his eyes able to see the whole of her. She hadn't been talking about this for years now. Not even Willan knew of this. Her dreams were bigger than the whole of Narnia, but they are long buried. Suddenly he was able to figure that out in a split second. She felt undressed.

"When did my lord figure out such a thing?" she asked, half to herself.  
"When you didn't deny anything I said," he answered, "and when you didn't tell anyone of what I said to you earlier in the hall," he moved closer to her, "drink," he gestured his head at the goblet in her hands, and Susan took a generous sip and swallowed it down her throat.  
"More," he said to her. It was a command, and Susan wondered inside her head as she did what she was told; did he intended for it to be a command? Or was it his mere presence that is this way? Was his authority a face or a mask?  
"More, Susan," he said her name, and it rolled down his tongue so eloquently, it didn't feel like her name to her. It became quite clear what he wanted her to do, how he wanted her to be; drunk. Susan finished the wine, and she covered her lips as she swallowed the last gulp.

He got up from his bed and went to the table near his wardrobe, took the wine pitcher and brought it over to her, filling her cup to her brim with strong, red wine.

"Finish it," he said, once again a command. Susan drank it all without question. And once again when the glass was emptied, he fills it with the wine from the pitcher in his hands, not moving since he last filled her cup, expecting her to finish in the first place under the intention to fill it a third time. By the time her glass was empty again, Susan was already in a hazy state, just like he wanted her to be. He smiled, satisfied.

He took the goblet away from her hand and set it aside on the nightstand beside his bed, and she could feel her heart beat going faster. He turned around to look at her.  
"Stand up," he said, and she did. The room was slightly spinning to her. He also stood up and encircled her body, eyes looking at all of her. Now she really felt naked, undressed by his eyes. She didn't want to feel this..excited, but she was. Suddenly everything was distinct; she could feel everything going on in her body. She felt the tips of her breast stood far away from the rest of her bosom, the meeting of her thighs tight. She touched her other arm, trying to cover herself up. He was a good head taller than her, and he circled her like a predator, like she was a prey to be eaten alive, like animals. Once in a while he would appear in front of her, and when he did he never looked into her eyes, always her body. Susan didn't dare turn around to look at what he was doing behind her when he was there. Slowly she felt him closing in on her, his breath on her neck, his hands roamed her waist, carefully. He felt her twitch at his touch, and she felt it too.

"Don't fucking move," he said, and it was no longer a command. It was a threat. She felt her breath caught, and the longer his hands touched her, the harder it seemed for her to breathe. The air grew hotter to her, and his hands grew colder. He pressed his own body to her from her behind, his hands pulling up the nightgown that hang to the floor, now exposing the skin of her thighs, dangerously close to her waist. She shivered under his touch, but she was able to remain still.

He pulled the nightgown farther and farther up, hands on her bare abdomen, stopping underneath her breasts. There everything seemed to stop. Susan closed her eyes, trying as hard as she could not to move. In her mind, she begged for him to stop. She didn't want this. She didn't want any of this. That's what she keeps reminding herself of, saying it in her head over and over again in the split second his hands paused. But no, he's not going to stop.

She could feel his hand going down, and his other hand up. She shivered when his hand traced her lower abdomen, and she instinctively held on to his arms for support.  
He threw her on her stomach, bent over the edge of the bed and pried her legs wide open. From then on he was like a mad man.

He held her hands in front of her so hard and so roughly, she wasn't able to move at all. The louder her cries became, the faster he went.

In the end of it all, he left her body there lying on her stomach, bewildered at what just happened, unable to lift herself up to move. He walked up to the table near his wardrobe and took his goblet, filled it with wine and drank it down. He looked at her as he swallowed his final drop of wine.

"Get up," he said, walking to her, and Susan didn't realize that she was indeed doing as she was told. Everything was a blur, a series of events that she had absolutely no participation in. Her mind was far too frazzled to realize what went on, to realize what she was doing. He stood in front of her, their bodies up against one another, but Susan didn't realize that.

"From now on," he said to her, "you will come to me every night,"  
She realized that she heard what he just said.  
"Do you understand?" it didn't seem like a question.  
She nodded, "yes my lord," she answered him. He pulled back, and she saw the exact same smile spreading his lips like the one she saw before.

"Good," he said, "that'll be all. For now,"  
His smile was unkind. A cruel smile, a bullying smile. And his eyes stared her down with an intensity that scared her, as if he had things coming for her, things she hadn't even think about before, and he knew it. His teeth suddenly seemed whiter, sharper. His eyes darker, thirstier. And there he stood, the King of Narnia, a savage, an animal. That was when Susan realized what she was for him. Like a weak deer with a broken leg.

An easy kill.


	6. Accepted Immorality

**Hey everyone!  
Once again thank you so much for all of you who's reviewed! Some of you even gave inputs to me and I just want to say I appreciate them so much. Thanks for following this story through yet another writer's block haha I know I'm not being a good writer. In this story though I'm trying to give Susan's character a little bit more depth, and I'm aware that her characteristics are not exactly a crowd pleaser. You'll know what I'm talking about after reading this chapter, so RnR, and don't hesitate to tell me what you think, especially about Susan. :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

* * *

"Susan,"

Jane greeted her, dressed in her red dress of taffeta; she walked with a big grin on her face alongside her friend who had just arrived at the ball.  
"Jane," Susan smiled, delighted to see her friend.  
"So," she immediately opened a conversation.

"What?" Susan asked after a pause.  
"Oh don't play games with me silly," Jane answered, "might as well tell me before the rest of Narnia knows,"  
"Be quiet," Susan answered, "He hasn't chosen you know,"  
"He hasn't chosen you say?" Jane smirked, "well tell me then, Miss Susan Pevensie, of what you did in the king's bed last night exactly?" she had a curiously happy grin.  
"Nothing," Susan answered, "we did nothing,"  
"A liar here, I see," Anne walked up to them along with Rose and Mary.  
"Come on Susan tell us now," Rose said.  
"Whatever happened last night," Susan said, "doesn't affect the king's choice of mistresses. He could choose all of us just because he can,"  
"_Whatever happened last night?_ Is that what we're calling sex now?"  
"Was it good?" Anne was laughing hard.  
"Was he good? Silly question of course he was,"  
"Did you two went straight up to it or, what?"  
"Aslan, don't make me remember it please,"

"What are you talking about?" Anne asked, disbelieved, "you don't want to remember your night with the king? Wasn't it pleasurable enough?"  
"Yes, Susan, he's not even shown himself properly to all of us and he's shown all of himself to you," the others laughed in agreement, but Susan was not exactly joyful about it. She wanted to leave.

"I heard though, that he's coming tonight,"  
"We hear that every night. He never comes,"  
"But tonight surely he must? It is our last night," Rose said.  
"We are of no importance Rose compared to matters of state," Anne answered, and Rose agreed.

"But please Susan, do tell us of what happened last night,"  
"Yes please share it to all of us," Anne said.  
"What good may come of it if not to brag about sleeping with the king?" Jane laughed aloud.  
"What happened last night?" Mary asked.

Susan didn't know what to answer. She knew exactly what happened last night. She was practically raped. And it was all confusing. What was the definition of rape? How nonconsensual should an intercourse be to be called rape? _Stupid ass girl_, she thought to herself, '_how nonconsensual should an intercourse'..shit. _She didn't want last night to happen. And he had forced himself on her. And he had made it clear that he wanted her from now on. So would that mean that she's the King's Mistress now? Her?

"What's all this?"  
His voice echoed throughout the entire great hall, and everything stopped. Music, dancing, eating, talking, everything stopped. Suddenly there was no noise, no movement. The King of Narnia was there.

He wore his crown atop his head, a big fur coat and golden tunic, with white shirt and white breeches, dark brown boots. Two guards were behind him, and he stood at the entrance, really questioning what was going on. Didn't he know?

"Forgive me Your Majesty," an advisor stepped forth, "these are the women from whom Your Grace are to take from as a mistress," he said, bowing.  
"I am aware of who they are," the King replied, "I wonder at why they are all still here,"

At that, everyone was suddenly tense. He didn't want them there. Susan hid. She hid herself behind her friends, trying to blend in to the crowd so that he wouldn't see her. Wait, what would he do if he did?

The advisor stuttered and was only able to reply, to beg for his forgiveness.  
"It's..quite alright," he answered, closing his eyes to endure the voice of the advisor that was clearly, painfully clearly was annoying the hell out of him.  
"You," he said as he opened his eyes and looked at the first girl he saw, "are you and all the others to leave tomorrow?"  
"Yes, Your Majesty," the girl answered. He stood silent for a moment, and then he suddenly smiled.

The intensity went down a notch when they saw his smile. As if that meant something delightful deserving of a human's smile. It was not.

"I want them gone. Tonight!" he shouted. And then everything was frantic. The women all tried to get out of the room immediately, and Gyrron was seen with the other lords trying to get to the King.  
"Be gone all of you!" the King shouted again in the midst of awry.

Susan was glad. More than ecstatic to be sent home. He didn't want a mistress? Aslan, that is a relief. He didn't even want a mistress! So everything he said last night about coming to him every night wouldn't be real. It wouldn't happen. He just sent everyone home. He didn't want a mistress.

"Susan Pevensie,"

She thought she heard wrong, but she didn't. Nobody heard wrong. Did he really just say her name?

"The Pevensie girl is with me now," he said, somewhat proud, a big grin on his face, "the rest of you be gone,"

* * *

The King was sure what he did was right. He couldn't have offended them, could he? What offense would he possibly inflict on them? He was the king, right? _You shouldn't be so cocky, bastard,_ he said to himself. _Just because you're fucking King doesn't mean you won't fucking offend them. _Never mind offense or no offense, this was about what was right or wrong. And he was sure what he did was right. The more people coming to the castle, the more danger they'll all be in. He thought the lords understood that. _Now we know what we're going to talk about at dinner tomorrow night,_ he thought once again to himself as he took off the towel from his waist and folded them, put on his pants and shirt.

How could they invite that many people? Why so many? He only needed one. He originally wanted to send all of them away, but he needed one. Only one, a person who will bear his child, a continuation of the throne. Because he'll be gone soon. Of course he will. If not he who'll kill himself, others will. That's clear.

He sat on his bed, resting his back on the pillows and hands folded on his stomach, thinking.

That's probably the best way. Is it? Did it all have to end this way? Was his way of escape extreme enough? He needed to be gone. He needed to disappear. And when he does, he needs an heir to the throne, one that will ensure Narnia is safe, at peace with every country, including Calormen. Because yes, this was all because of the Calormene rats, but the Tisroc and its people have nothing to do with this. His heir will be a good king. His heir will keep peace. And no one must know of what he went through. More importantly, no one must know of what he'll do.

A knock was heard on the door. He turned his head to look at it sharply.

"Enter," he said aloud, and the door opened. He looked at blankly at the velvet blanket under him. Seconds later, out came Susan Pevensie from the dark corridor that lead to his room. He lifted his face to look at her.

Her hair was chocolate brown, her face pale with blue eyes and pink plump lips. She was perfect for this job, really. No one will suspect anything. No one will even think that he's chosen her randomly. She's pretty enough to be his mistress, that was clear. So no one will know. No one will know that she's only a tool. Or maybe will that be a threat? To her? She's pretty enough to be his wife. But no, that's dangerous. Being his wife, or anyone close to him now for that matter, will bestow upon them the end of life. She's perfect for this job. A girl, wanting a life bigger than hers. If she dies, she dies for her country. To die a noble, that's a big life. Like the one she always wanted. Besides, he would never take her as a wife. Never.

He looked at the way she stood. Fingers nervously playing with her night gown, hair falling to her waist, face clear of any rouge. She was clear. Clean. Untouched, undamaged. All that's passed.

He gestured to the empty space beside him, and she walked up to the bed and climbed into it.

"Wine?" he asked as he get up.  
"Thank you, Your Majesty," she answered him. He smiled, but she didn't see it. He came back with a goblet and she received it. He climbed back to his side of the bed, and faced her. She was looking into her goblet, afraid.

"Let me look at you," he said as he grab a hold of her chin and turned her face to face him. He looked at her face, unsure, innocent. Like she hadn't done this before. He looked at her features; blue eyes, thick and black lashes attached to her eyelids, freckles on her skin and full lips.

"You are afraid of me," he remarked. She was surprised.  
"I am of you whatever you want me to, Your Majesty," she answered, and it wasn't mocking, nor was it a lie.  
"You're not the first woman to say that to me," he said to her, "but I'll accept it." Then he moved closer to her.  
"You're not drinking," he said to her. She finished her glass of wine. He took her glass and set it aside.

"Why so quiet?"  
"I was under the impression that you wanted me to be, Your Majesty,"  
"Yes, well," he muttered, "I don't want you to be this quiet. If you are going to bear my child, I at least want to know I can trust you," he said to her. "Tell me of your..principles,"  
"Principles?" she asked.  
"Yes, principles. What do you use to go by this life? What are your reasons to do the right things?

She stayed silent.  
"Too heavy a question," he muttered to himself. She seemed like a simpleton. "Tell me what you think of the whole tradition of mistresses," he gave this one a try.

She looked at him, didn't know what to say. Didn't know what he wanted her to say. Who could blame her? She was a commoner, in the face of the King, the most powerful man in all of Narnia. Who wouldn't be surprised, given a question as heavy as that?

"I'm not sure I'm allowed to have an opinion of it at all, Your Grace,"  
"You are afraid of me," he repeated.  
"Yes," she answered, "I am," she didn't look at him.

"That doesn't make you less opinionated," it was a remark. He was saying it as he watched her. It was true. "Nor should it make you so apathetic," he replied. She didn't reply. At that, he was beginning to feel..agitated. Annoyed with her. She was supposed to be a smart woman, or at least she looked like she was. Her face wasn't that of a simpleton, yet she is right now. Why was she so..stupid? Not an inch of grit nor guts is in her possession. Maybe he was the fool, trying to judge a person by her looks. She didn't own a single courage in her blood.

"No," he suddenly said, disgust was in his voice. He didn't intend for it to show so clearly, "don't tell me. I'm sure your thoughts will bore me anyway. Listen to me," he said as he pulled away, "She who will be the bearer of my child will not be a simpleton. So it is clear that this is not going to move forward at all. I suggest you leave,"

Susan was surprised at that remark.

A simpleton?  
Who was he calling a simpleton? Her? Did the King of Narnia just regard her as stupid? This wasn't what she had in mind at all. Susan hated being thought of stupid, merely for the reason that she wasn't, and she knew that perfectly well. She looked at his face that had no kindness at all for her, and she stood up from his bed. Yes she did hate being thought of as stupid, but this was the King of Narnia. All of this intimidated her. And, like how she always does, she blamed all of it on herself. Maybe she really was stupid. So stupid that even the King of Narnia is calling her that right in front of her face.  
She was getting ready to leave, but she couldn't help but to turn around one more time and looked at him. Did he really just say that? Moreover, was she really going to let him think about her like that?

"I think," she suddenly spoke, "this whole tradition of taking a mistress is only a way for kings and men to hide their lusts and sins behind mere ability to do so,"

Her voice wasn't brave. It was timid.  
She was daring, yet she wasn't challenging him at all. She was merely expressing what she thought.

He slowly smiled.  
"Whatever do you mean?" he asked.  
"Merely because you are a man and men are allowed to take a mistress, Your Majesty, especially the King, you hide behind this ability, this..accepted immorality to give in to your lust. Pardon me, My King. I have made my answer, you want me gone, I shall be," she turned around and hurriedly stride for the door.  
"Lust?" he asked again, and she stopped her steps. "You think we men exploit this chance of taking a mistress to hide our lust?"

Susan turned around and faced him once again.  
"Yes," she answered, "from the public eye. Or, moreover, to make them come true using a woman,"  
"Our lusts?"  
"Yes, My Lord," she said again.  
"You talk of only men doing this,"  
"We are not allowed to have other men," she said, "and women have lusts too. Only we handle them better,"

He looked at her and saw the slight smile she had on her face.

"What if the situation is reversed?" he asked.  
"My Lord?"  
"What if women are allowed to keep other men?" he was curious, "what then?"

Susan felt herself ease.

"Well I guess that'd make everything easier, would it?"  
"How so?" he asked her.  
"Men will be men. Allowed or not allowed, they will do what they do. If women tried this, they will be killed. If women are allowed rights as men are, the world will be a simpler place,"  
"If not a more dangerous place,"  
"You are afraid, Your Majesty, of women acting like men?"  
"Me, no. But you? I don't think so," he answered, "for example, if you have rights as I and are allowed another man, you wouldn't be so keen to leave me here and go back to your farmer,"

Susan wasn't able to answer then. She looked at him and he wasn't smiling when he said that, but after seconds of locking eyes, his lips spread into a grin.

"You still haven't thought about him at all, have you?" he asked her, "why? Too little for your thoughts?"  
"I think of home," she answered, "and him. Every day,"  
"You think of him?"

He got up from his bed and walked towards her.

"Yes," she answered.  
"And what do you do," he asked, "when you think of this..farmer of yours?"  
She didn't understand his question. Or at least, she thought she didn't understand.  
"Nothing, My Lord,"  
"Nothing?" he laughed, "to my understanding, he is your fiancé,"  
"He is,"  
"Sex with him," he asked, "what? Five, six times a week?"

She wasn't able to answer at all. He was so frank, so honest a question.

"Four?" he asked again when he heard her silence. She still didn't answer.  
"Three?"

Susan was a bit breathy by now.

"Now this is just plain pathetic,"  
"We have been together for more than 5 years, Your Grace,"

Both he and she wasn't sure if that was a self defense or a sense of pride. He believed in the latter. She started with believing in the latter.

"Yes, 5 years and lousy-2-times-a-week-sex," he said to her, "your problem or his?" he still had a grin on his face.

"No one's, Your Majesty,"  
"You talk of wanting to own rights as men, yet you aren't keeping your man right now," he remarked, "how very peculiar. What? He's tired of working on the field all day?"  
"He works from 5 am to midnight every day, My Lord,"  
"And he neglects the only thing he has worth keeping,"  
"The only thing everyone has worth keeping is themselves,"

He was taken aback by her words.  
"Themselves?" he asked, his smile gone now.

"Yes," she answered confidently, "I believe in myself. Nothing else works. Besides the mighty Aslan, of course, but we're all keeping our faith to Him. But love? No, I don't think it is for me. I believe in honesty, working honestly for what you earn. In the end, all we have is ourselves and what we've done in this land, in this phase of our lives before we enter the real eternity. Have I done something meaningful? Have I done something for the greater good? Have I been great? Have I been meaningful? That is the real question. And I strive to be. That is the only goal in life as I see it. So no, I don't think Willan's love should be for me, because first and foremost I want him to love himself, as I love and respect and rely on myself. That's why I don't want to be his worth keeping thing. Because he is not mine,"

For a moment there she seemed to lose herself.

"You don't love him," it came out of him as a fact.  
"I don't know love," she answered, "other than for me. I am the only one I know how to love, and I am all. So I daresay that if I am bestowed rights as men to take other men for me, I think I will be pretty happily unaffected,"  
"But you said it is a way for kings and men to hide their lusts behind the ability to do so? An accepted _immorality_?" he asked her, challenging her.  
She stayed silent for a moment, but smiled afterwards.  
"It is. And for me, exactly the same. Accepted immorality," she answered.  
"And how do you deal with being thought of immoral?" he asked, "I'm sure you're not the type of woman who doesn't care what people think of her, few are," he said.  
"Immorality," she said as she shook her head, "like the circumstances now, immorality when accepted, is it still what it was? Won't it be plain morality by then?"

He couldn't answer that. He didn't realize that a few seconds ago he thought of her as stupid. She smiled bitterly, "and I'm not a being of fine morals, either,"  
"Yes I can see that," he answered. He really did. No being of understandings as these would be. "And to repeat my question," he spoke, "you don't love him then?"

That bitter smile surfaced again on her lips.  
"I can only love him with as much love I have to offer, but that is all," she answered him, a weak smile.  
"And he knows this?"  
"I give to him everything I can," she said, "if that's still not enough, is he entitled to ask for more from me?"

He lost all hint of smile from his face. Millions of things ran through his mind, but in the end of it all, all he could say was one thing only. She was perfect for this job. Only her. He hadn't met any woman with a mind like what she just said. If it is true, if she is what she says she is, then he'd know he'd made the right choice.

"You are very egotistical," he remarked, "you know that, Miss Susan?"  
"I do," she answered. Nothing can be done about it. She knew that. He knew that. And that night, both of them were okay with it.

"Tomorrow is the banquet with the lords," he said again, standing in front of her, "they will ask about my wrists. All you can do is keep quiet about it. Do you understand?"  
"Yes My Lord," she answered, looking at the floor. He looked at her for a moment more and thought to himself. She had an ego the size of the whole of Narnia. And that was good. That was very good. A big ego means she'll understand what he was going to do. He was going to make an escape. And a person like this Susan Pevensie might understand.

"So you don't mind at all then," he said after he studied her face, "being the mistress of the King even with a fiancé?"  
"I am of no significance in this," she answered him, "but no, I don't,"

He slowly felt his lips spread into a smile.  
"Then you are," said he, "you are the mistress of the King of Narnia,"  
"I am," she answered.  
"With it comes great responsibilities,"  
"Oh?" she wasn't in knowledge of this.  
"A mistress never wears hot colors, such as reds or yellows,"  
"Why?"  
"A mistress is never to ask one word questions to the King,"  
"I'm sorry," she instantly said.  
"And you must stop apologizing this instant. It is not attractive on you, as I've said before,"  
"Yes, I'm sorry. I mean uhh—"  
"And a mistress is never out of words," he said, "anywhere, anytime, anyplace, always, always know what to say, when to say it and how to say it,"  
It seemed like a lot to take in. And she was being taken a mistress, for Aslan's sake, not for a queen.  
"You represent me now," he said, "in entertainment purposes, of course. But from now on you must understand your actions are being scrutinized by every woman in the country, do you understand?"  
"Yes, Your Majesty," she answered quickly.  
"And in public," he said, "always refer to me as His Royal Highness,"  
"Yes My Lord," she answered again. There was a slight pause after this, and she didn't dare move.

"And Susan," he said, "never ever, talk to me without looking into my eyes,"

Susan lifted her head instantly at that. That was when she realized that he was standing so close to her, right in front of her. His chest was pressed slightly against her body.

"A mistress always makes eye contact, without hesitation, without fear. Do you understand?"

As she struggled to look into his orbs, she managed to say yes. Susan was never a woman who had trouble with this. She was always daring, bold, want a life bigger than what she had. She wanted a life bigger than hers with Willan now, but she was in love with the farmer. Even though she didn't think she had plenty of love to give him, the truth was that she did have enough. Enough to make her stay with him through thick and thin. Her nature, from the very beginning was never one to back down.

She was looking for a way. Looking for something to obsess about, looking for something to make her crazy. She was looking for something to be passionate about. Her life as a farmer's fiancée didn't allow that to happen. Maybe now she finally had that chance; a life bigger than hers before. Yes she was never one to be afraid of a challenge, but it was his presence. His mere presence was difficult for her to bear. He intimidated her and he was a mystery to her; something she isn't able to crack. She rarely finds that in her life. That's why she is so timid now; because this was something she hadn't ever experienced before. He was a man who took what he wanted, without asking anyone. He was a selfish man, a man driven by goals, a proud and egotistical man who isn't afraid to admit it. He was like her.

She kept her stare on him as hard as she could. Once she had the courage to do it, it was second nature to her; to challenge someone. It wasn't at all reckless, just brave. And he knew that. He realized now that it will only take a little bit of push to make her jump. And she is jumping right now.

"Come lie with me," he said, and he led her by her hand to his bed. She followed this time, without hesitation, without restraint. Both of them didn't know whether that was good or bad. Accepted immorality. After it is accepted, is it still immoral? Neither of them knew. Neither of them cared.


	7. Susan Gets A Makeover

**Hey guys!  
Okay, I want to thank all of you who's been reading and of course, reviewing! Can't thank you guys enough for your support. And I'm so happy to read your thoughts on Susan's character. Don't hesitate to tell me more of what you think :)  
In this chapter we're gonna see Susan's character development on her relationship with the King. RnR guys! :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

* * *

"What are you doing in those?"

His tone was quite shocked to see her clothes as he looked at her from the top of her head to her toes.  
"My dress?" she asked, unknowingly as she walked to him to wait before the doors open.  
"This blue is alright but we must have you tailored right away for new dresses and a makeover, really. You're my mistress for Aslan's sake, you're supposed to be beautiful," he said to her as he readied himself for the opening of the door. She didn't know what to say about that. He was right, apparently.

The two of them stood behind a big and tall door that will open to the great hall. The banquet was tonight, now that he has finally chosen a mistress. Susan looked at him from the corner of her eyes and saw that he was used to all of this. He fit right in to the panic and the stress and the glamour. He didn't seem unsettled at all. She, on the other hand, was quite the opposite.

What was she supposed to say in events like these? She had a feeling this one won't be her last, either. What was she supposed to do? He hadn't given her any directions on how to behave, or how to do anything. She had expected at least something for her to go by, some kind of rules or regulations.

"Don't be nervous,"

He didn't look at her as he said those words. She had said it to herself far more often.  
"Don't slouch," he said to her, "remember that. And no reaching for anything. A mistress always acquire by being given, not reaching. Don't burp or anything of the disgusting sort, you're the mistress now. And don't try to engage in political conversations. Never empty your glass of wine, don't drink it all. Just try to blend in with all of us," he said to her. She nodded.  
"And Susan," he said again, now facing her, "do not give them your personal information. No addresses, age, origin, height, weight, nothing."  
This wasn't a suggestion. This was a command.

"Do you understand?" he was commanding her.  
"Yes Your Grace," she answered him.  
"Your Royal Highness," he reminded her, and at that, he once again looked straight to his front as the door opened. In the background, his title was called by the announcer and the wooden door in front of them was opened by two guards, revealing a glamorously decorated great hall, in the middle of which was a very long dining table filled with magnificent food and extravagant centerpieces. The lords were all there, and they all stood up as he entered the room. Susan saw the looks on their faces; a look of welcome. He sat on the end of the long table, and Susan sat beside him.

"Be seated," he said aloud, and the lords retook their seats. Minutes later, the dinner was on full swing. He was busy talking, discussing something or significant importance to the man on his other side.

"So you are from Lantern Waste, Mistress Susan?"  
"I am, yes," she replied. It wasn't a personal info anymore now.  
"And it is to my understanding you are engaged?" Gyrron asked as he lifted a spoon full of soup, "Juan Willan?"  
"Your fiancé is Juan Willan?" Lyrn asked her.  
"Yes," she answered him, "you know Willan, my Lord?"  
"He was a knight here, yes," Lyrn answered, "And a good one, I'm sure. Glozelle's favorite, I daresay,"

Everything was good. This was good. They weren't noticing his wrists.  
"He is a farmer now in Lantern Waste,"  
The king turned his face sharply at that. She noticed. Personal?  
"A farmer?" Lyrn was fascinated, "what? Cotton?"  
"Yes," Susan answered after she realized what she was doing. Seconds later, she noticed the eerie silence that surrounded them. That wasn't a good answer.

"Well I am sure that money won't be a problem to you anymore now that you are…err.."  
"Mistress to the King?"

Gyrron coughed as soon as he heard that. A part of the table silenced. Lyrn leaned in to her and whispered in her ears.  
"Mistress Susan," he said, "a mistress does not refer to His Majesty as 'the King', it must always be 'His Royal Highness'," he was serious. This was a serious matter.  
"Pardon me," she said, a bit stressed about how serious things were. From the corner of her eye, she could see him grinning. He leaned in to her and whispered, "told ya',"

"I think enough talk of Mistress Susan's living," the King spoke, "more wine,"

The servers moved instantly to give the king what he asked for.  
"Well now that she is the Mistress," Gyrron said, "have you thought of any titles to give her, nephew?"  
The King didn't pause at all. He continued eating as he casually said, "no I don't think I will give her any,"

That shocked the whole table.  
"Once she bears a child she will get a title she deserves," he said again. If he was telling the truth, he'd have a point.  
"I agree," Gyrron said in agreement. He didn't know his King was lying.  
"I am going to my Aunt Anne's in three days," he suddenly said.

"For Adelaide's marriage, Your Grace?" Gyrron asked as he took one more spoonful of soup.  
"Yes," he answered. "Glenstorm is to be in charge while I'm gone,"  
"Of course, Your Majesty," the lords replied him.  
"Adelaide is His Majesty's cousin in the outskirts of the north," Gyrron whispered to Susan.  
"Cousin?" she asked, "I was under the impression that His Royal Highness' family members are to live here?"  
"Things are more..complicated than that," Gyrron said to her, "Adelaide is cousins with the King by marriage, not by blood. Her mother is the late Queen Anna-Maria's sister in law's cousin. Too far a relation,"

Adelaide. Susan repeated that name inside her head. It seemed that he would be going there alone. Something told her that Adelaide and her family won't be like the ones he has in the castle now.

"Well now that the glasses are full," Gyrron said again as he stood up. He was about to make a toast. The whole room quieted.  
"Evening, gentlemen of the Narnian Council. Tonight we remember the 7 years we were in despair, and we honor our King who had overcome it with courage and guts! He was gone for 7 years without a trace, yet it is not us that are in real danger. He overcame difficulties we couldn't ever imagine would happen to our King, and Aslan gave him back to us two months ago. Tonight, he has chosen a mistress to be the bearer of his heir. We celebrate this joyful news together. To the King and His Mistress!"  
"To the king and His Mistress,"

Everyone raised their glass. And almost as soon as he did it, he realized what he had just did. He stretched his hands out for a toast, and then he pulled them back hurriedly, sharply. Not fast enough.

"Nephew, what happened to your wrists?" Gyrron asked him, quietly. Only their part of the table could hear, he was sure.  
"It looks like it had been..cut?" Lyrn remarked, panicked.  
"What happened?"  
"And not just one but maybe two?"  
"What happened?"  
"Nothing happened," he replied, and Gyrron and Lyrn silenced for a moment. He immediately regretted it again. Too hostile an answer to be the truth.

"Nephew," Gyrron suddenly called him, and that was when Susan knew something was going on, "I'm very sorry to ask this, but it can't be your doing….can it?"  
"I didn't do anything," he stated in self defense.

She could see him starting to panic. She could feel him getting hotter, flushed.  
"I'm afraid it is my fault, gentlemen," she suddenly spoke. All eyes turned to her, including the King's.

"Yours, Mistress Susan?" Gyrron asked.  
"What do you mean?" Lyrn asked too. It was a sensitive issue. It was clear that those cuts weren't the kind you'd get after a hike on the mountain. He looked at her, his eyes widened, not knowing what she was going to do at all.  
"What are you doing?" he whispered to her.

"Yes, it is my fault," she said again to the lords with a smile on her face, "two nights ago His Royal Highness was gracious enough to feed me late at night, because I was hungry, you see. Pardon my appetite, gentlemen," she smiled again, "and in the dark I made a sandwich for myself. Silly me, I'm afraid. The meat was cold and hard, so when I got to cut it, it was too dark and the knife slipped to my own wrists. My lords are aware of this I'm sure. When cold fat melts it can get quite slippery. Nothing serious, fortunately. And His Royal Highness was a gracious enough man that he wouldn't accept to see me in that much pain, so he cut his own, jokingly,"

Everyone was looking at her, not believing in the shit she had just said. What the hell was she saying?  
She knew no one believed her. And the truth was, no one did. Not only because her story was outrageous, but because they didn't know what to believe. And the King hadn't spoken about its truth either.  
She had hoped he would go with her on this one, but he froze in his seat.

"You cut your wrists, Mistress Susan?" Gyrron asked, unsure.  
"Not on purpose," she replied as she looked at the lord, "naturally,"  
"Naturally," Gyrron replied after he realized that he might have played with the risk of offending the king's favorite.  
"And..my nephew cut his wrists to accompany you in pain?" he asked again, still unsure.

"Yes, and well I think His Royal Highness is too gentle a man that he inflicted on himself far worse than I on me," she said again, "see?"

Suddenly she lifted both her hands and slightly raised the sleeves of her blue dress, and there it was.  
Two cuts, across both of her wrists, wounds of knife cuts, browned and dried.  
The lords looked at her disbelievingly. She was smiling.

"Oh my word!" Lyrn suddenly gasped as if he had only just awaken, "have the two of you gotten proper care for that?"  
"Stitches?"  
"No," she answered, "just a shallow cut, really, nothing serious. We both are fine, His Royal Highness and I. Best to keep sandwiches inside the room next time, isn't it? And it's really all my fault, I shouldn't have brought His Royal Highness down with me to the kitchen, but he insisted," she laughed.

That did it. She got them to think about something else. The lords laughed in agreement, and they bought her alibi. At first they didn't. Nobody did. But after they saw her wrists; that did it. After that, she knew she succeeded.

Suddenly the King got up and left the hall, and it was clear to her that he wasn't laughing at all. The lords all quickly stood up too, and when he disappeared out of the room, they all sat down once again.

"So a sandwich incident, then, Mistress Susan?" Gyrron asked her.  
"Yes, my Lord,"  
"Quite a dangerous one my dear," he said again, "it can cost you your life,"  
"Yes, I am aware. I am so sorry, I promise to be more careful,"  
"Yes you should!" Lyrn said, "you ought to my dear! Do you realize how important you are to us now? You are chosen to bear the King's child! No harm must come to you,"  
"But it is strange," Gyrron said again.  
"What is strange?" Susan asked, slightly panicked that her plan might not have worked as well as she wanted them to.  
"The whole scene of it," he said to her, "I picture it in my head that it all went..rather _lovingly_,"

Susan understood. He was saying that his nephew was in love. She laughed at herself for living this lie. The only reason Gyrron would ever think so was because he thought the scene in the kitchen was real. But it wasn't. So the King wasn't in love with her. Couldn't ever be.

"No it was rather sharply painful, actually," she answered him.  
"Well I guess you are right. No more sandwiches in the dark, Mistress Susan," he warned her, a smile on his lips.  
"I agree," she said.

* * *

He left.

Why did he left? Was she sharing her personal info? She didn't think so. _I stopped after I realized what I was doing, _Susan thought to herself. And yes, she knew exactly what she was doing when she thought of it the night before. She knew exactly what would happen, and she was right. Her alibi wouldn't have been believable were it not for what she chose to do, and that was to hurt herself. It was nothing, really, a shallow cut. She had cried when it happened because of the sharp pain, but the cold water immediately helped her. And it worked like magic. Everyone believed her after they saw the wounds.

Susan sat on the King's bed, alone. She didn't know where he was, probably busy going over treaties or another one of his kingly duties. He only told her to wait inside his room, nothing more. So Susan waited.

It had been an hour. Still no sign of the King.

He wasn't going to give her a title. Unless she bears him a child, she was going to be a whore only. A king's whore. She wasn't sure if she wanted that. A scandal like that would surely excites a life, but not in a way she'd like to be excited. A king's whore is entirely different than a mistress. And before, she didn't even want to be a part of this all. Now that she is, too late for that.

All her life Susan wanted something exciting. She wanted something that can make her go crazy, obsessed. She wanted something that would make her significant in this world; a part, a role. To be famous, to be successful, to be loved. Being a cotton farmer's wife won't exactly make any of that happen; she realized that in the last three days. Funny how this is changing her so much. And she's not feeling at all sorry. This was what she needed; a new start. A new identity. A new title, a new her. Now that she had experienced a life like this, she realized her boredom of her life before. That wasn't really something a good person would do, but then again she wasn't a good person, was she? Who is?

The door opened harshly and in came the owner of the bedchamber. He walked inside and she immediately stood up after hearing the door slammed shut. She immediately looked down to the floor.

"What the fuck did you do?"  
His question was honest, but it was clear now that he was angry. And he was waiting for an answer.

"I..I—"  
"Did you or did you not.. _cut _your own wrists?"

He was shaking. He stayed a few good meters away from her, not even believing his own question.

"Yes," she answered, not afraid this time. What she did was right, in her opinion. And it was, right?  
"Why?" he asked again, the anger and restraint in his voice clear.  
She wasn't so sure that he saw it from her point of view.  
"Because I knew you didn't want them to know about what really happened,"  
"You stupid fucking whore," he said again, "didn't you hear what I said about being quiet? That's the only thing you can do, Pevensie. The only thing you should do,"  
"They believed me, Your Grace!" she said, "they all believed me because I showed them these cuts. They believed my story! They won't be suspicious of your cuts now, I saved you from their questions,"  
"That is _not_ your duty!" he was yelling now. Susan suddenly saw something in his eyes. Hatred.

"Listen to what I fucking ask of you!" he shouted at her, walking up to her, "I don't fucking understand how someone like you could _think_ that you are saving the King of Narnia, but don't try to," he said.  
"I didn't know I couldn't," she said, this time afraid. She was made realize of how little she was right now. Maybe she couldn't save him. He was the King of Narnia. He glared at her for quite awhile before finally breathing out, letting go of his frustration. And then he walked away.  
He took off his tunic and threw it on his bed. And then he took off his shirt.

Susan wondered to herself why was he like this. What really happened in those seven years? The King she knew before, the King he was 7 years ago wasn't like this. He had been different from his uncle. Now he was close to the same.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice small. He looked at her.  
"I don't need your apology," he said to her as he sat on the edge of his bed. Susan kept her eyes off of him.

He then breathed out after once again glaring at her.  
"Come here," he said, his voice low and husky. She walked up to him and stood in front of him.  
She was suddenly so little. And she felt quite embarrassed. She cut herself to save him. Or at least, she thought she would be saving him. Turns out to him, she was worthless. Her efforts were worthless, and that made her belittle herself. _But however stupid I may be, what I did did save him from the questions,_ she said to herself. Even though what she said was true, Susan couldn't help but feel stupid. She realized now that her actions seemed desperate, as if she wanted his attention. That wasn't at all why she did that.

"Never ever do things like these again," he said to her, "do you understand?"  
"Yes Your Grace," she answered him.

He then pulled back.  
"I leave in two days' time to my Aunt's," he said, "you are coming with me,"

Susan was surprised.  
"I am, Your Grace?"  
"Yes," he answered, "but not before we fix you up. Tomorrow I have arranged for a team to..repair you,"  
"..Repair me?" she was unsure.  
"Fix you, repair you, beautify you, upgrade you," he said, "you must look like the part if you are going to be my date for my cousin's wedding,"

She blushed at the word.  
"Look it's been a long day," he said, "for all of us. I suggest you get a good night's sleep. Tomorrow you have a big day,"

She curtsied. That was her cue to leave his room. But even as she left his room she couldn't wrap her head around what he just said.

Date?

* * *

"Mistress Susan!"

She awoke so suddenly because of the loud knocking on her door.  
"Mistress Susan," the voice in front of her door said again, and she noticed how the sun hasn't risen yet. What time was it?

"Mistress Susan," it said again, knocking more vigorously. She quickly put on her shawl and answered the door. An elderly woman in her fifties stood in front of her bedroom. When she saw Susan opened it, she smiled widely. She had on a white apron over her gray dress, a white hat and a plump figure.

"Forgive my intrusion, Mistress Susan," the elderly woman said, "but your presence is requested immediately by the king,"  
"The king?" she asked.  
"Yes Miss," the woman answered, "you are to be in the throne room in fifteen minutes,"  
"Fifteen minutes?" Susan asked, surprised, "well uhm, thank you…uhm…"  
"Giany, Miss," the woman answered.  
"Thank you, Giany. I will be there," she said as she closed the door and smiled at the woman. She hurriedly took a bath and dressed herself in her best dress, a yellow attire. She put on butterfly-shaped pins in her hair and walked outside, to the throne room where she was requested. When she got there, the King was nowhere to be found.

The throne room was empty. And it was only five in the morning; the sky was still dark. The torches inside the room was lit, and the cold morning air pierced Susan's bones. What could he possibly need her to do in this hour?

Suddenly the door to the throne room opened and in came troops, a whole army of people. They carried fabrics and colorful floral patterned bags, more bags and more bags. Those bags seemed bigger as more of them came in the room. At least six women came in, and six men with them. Lastly, Gyrron came in with someone who looked like their leader, a stylist. He had on a pink tunic and a yellow shirt, red pantaloons and yellow shoes. Now she understood what this was. A makeover.

"Ah this is the King's Mistress, I see!" the man in the pink tunic said as he walked over to her and kissed her hand, "My Lady," he said again as he bowed, "I am honored to save your life!"  
"Ah, Mistress Susan," Gyrron said as he grinned, "this is Stefano, Narnia's finest,"  
"And Narnia's best!" Stefano exclaimed with a wide smile, "and I shall save you from this..whoo! Ghastly, ghastly attire, pardon my language,"  
"Pleased to make your acquaintance," Susan said as she smiled embarrassedly.  
"Well I will leave you to get to it, Stefano," Gyrron said, "happy work day!"  
"Thank you Lord Gyrron!" Stefano bid him goodbye, and as soon as Gyrron stepped out of the room, he got to work immediately.  
"Mistress Susan, you are a beautiful lady, beautiful!" Stefano said, "but ooh I'm not a big fan of how you..erm..of this whole thing," he gestured to all of her, "this dress, erm..not quite, not quite,"  
"This is my best dress," she said to him.

"Well soon it will be your worst!" he laughed flamboyantly, "I get it darling, empire waists these days, so free so motion-supporting, but ooh it's ghastly, darling, purely ghastly! No, no we shall have to get something that will make you tatas go up! And your waist go in!" he laughed. "Tailors here now!" and four men and women went immediately to Susan as they took notes, and two of them measured her. "I want three, pinks cinched and bell sleeves. Four, forest green with v sleeves and black laces, think deep blue and golden brocades, three whites, Sabrina neckline and sweethearts. Six cool yellows with sun, the fabric I bought yesterday, and white cotton laces. Six purples, deep and violets of course, chiffon draping and petticoats. Twelve corsets, ten daytime petticoats, four browns for casual, five silvers and five golds for balls. No hot colors, ladies and gentlemen, remember!" he said as he circled around her. "Face!" three more women took notes, "eyebrows darker, lips, pink, no? And maroon, obviously. Don't forget cream, it will compliment her face, do you think so, Cathy?"  
"Yes, and a pale pink, I think," Cathy, one of the women, answered.

"And so you shall make them for her," Stefano was moving fast, "Hair," two men immediately took notes, "I want it darker. I'm thinking dark chocolate, waves, and maybe a cut, no?"  
"A curl I think will make it,"  
"Hmm yes, a curl, and cream, yes to lift if to life," the men agreed, "Now jewels! I think diamonds, yes?" the other three who just came nodded in agreement, "Necklaces, three whites and two sapphires, two blacks and I think one of..gold and two of pearls, yes? Alright shoes! Now this is my favorite," he said to Susan, "Think taffeta! And diamonds, of course. Pearls for the front, diamond patterns in navy. Four pairs in black, two pinks, three greens you know, Lizzy? With the little diamond crusted forest green I bought last week?" the Lizzy girl quickly got it. "Make the black five. Can't have too many black shoes. Four pairs of dark blue, how about it? With the white pearls we got? Okay. Oh and the special one of course. Dark grey, black pearls and the diamond crusted taffeta?"

The workers all were excited.

"And of course, on top of that, the usual, you know for casuals. Boots, riding boots, five brown leathers. Now, milady, you are to go with His Majesty to an outing, tomorrow?"  
"Yes," she answered, "I am,"  
"Well then, best of luck to the tailors. Ten casuals, vests and cottons! Let's go! All must be finished today, people! Face," Stefano pointed to Cathy and her team, "with me. Nails, with face, let's go!" he said, and the whole team picked up their stuff before following Stefano.  
"My Lady, your quarters?" he said with a courteous smile. Susan smiled back, excited and afraid at the same time as she led the way.


	8. Arrival at Aunt Anne's

**Hey guys, so in this chapter we get a glimpse of a serious conversation between Susan and the King. There's more of it in the next few chapters though, so keep an eye open :) Thanks to all of you who's reviewed! I do need inputs on what activities would his family be doing for these wedding-get-togethers, what do your families usually do? Let me know in the comment box or PMs guys!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

* * *

She didn't know what she looked like. Everything in the last five hours had been done without her looking into the mirror. All she knew was that her hair was cut, her eyebrows shaped, her skin cleared, her nails polished, and everything else she couldn't keep track of. Her dress was..extravagant, but she didn't know how it looked on her. A headpiece was on her head, and again she didn't know what it looked like.

Stefano had spent the last five hours saying how beautiful she was and how he was going to make her the most exquisite mistress in the history of Narnia. He was now leading the way to the throne room, where the King had been waiting, so they told her.

On the way there, eyes stared and heads turned at the sight of the new mistress. From their smiles, she had a right to hope that she looked beautiful. She definitely looked aristocratic, if that's what they wanted. The tailors and shoemakers had been gone since this morning to get on with their work. Now she was paraded by four workers of Stefano's and the man himself to the throne room for the reveal.

The two guards at the door opened the heavy ceramic door, and they went in without ever stopping their steps. The guards both smiled at Susan and they received a smile back. Inside, Stefano walked forward confidently, and in front of the throne, there stood the king, waiting.

He was facing the throne, talking with Glenstorm, the centaur.

"—yes and no audiences until next month, please. No balls when I come back and—"  
He turned around at the sound of the door opening. Stefano had the biggest grin on his face as he bowed rather flamboyantly.

"Your Majesty!" he exclaimed.  
"Stefano, welcome," the King replied.  
"Thank you for having me, Your Handsomeness, err I mean err Your Highness!" Susan stifled a silent laugh. "My you are growing handsomer by the second, My King!"  
"Your compliment shall be received if only it is true," the King smiled at the gushing style extraordinaire who was clearly in love with him, head over heels in love.

"Oh dear King Caspian you know what I say comes from my heart!" he said with a pout, "but lately Your Grace doesn't need my assistance in the castle so I wait for the chance to meet you with eagerness," he said, smiling now.  
"And your help is needed very much right now," he replied.  
"Yes! It is," Stefano answered, "and here she is, behind me. Prepare to be astonished, my King, for you are about to see something like nothing you have ever seen before!" he said to him, and then he stepped away, allowing the King to look at what he's done.

Susan stood there, hands in front of her waist, eyes timidly looking into his, searching for approval. He didn't say anything, but as soon as he looked at her, she saw him smile.  
She was in a golden dress, decorated with golden linings and white flowers, beads and diamonds hung from her bodice. Her waist was cinched in with the corset that shaped her body so gloriously. A full skirt hung from her waist down, also in gold. Her hair was freed all the way to her waist, dark chocolate curls ornamented with diamond pins all over her hair. Her lips were maroon red. She knew he couldn't stop staring at those.

"A fine job, Stefano," he said as he clapped his hands.  
"Only the best for my King," the stylist answered.

The king then walked up to her, still with a smile on his face.  
"You look the part," he said.  
"I am glad, Your Grace," she answered him.  
"You should be. Tonight," he said again, and he walked away from her.  
"Stefano, I thank you for your amazing work. I must be off now, your pay is taken care of,"  
Stefano bowed down to him. "You must stay for lunch. I have arranged it all for you and your team,"  
"Why, thank you Your Majesty!" Stefano replied with a big grin as the King walked away.

"Isn't he just delicious?" Stefano said again to Susan with a mischievous smile on his lips.  
"Yes, I suppose he is," Susan laughed, "thank you for what you did, Stefano, I really am grateful,"  
"Well darling it goes without saying that I do the best for the best," he said, "now before we part. Good luck!" he said to her as he held her hands, "I know it isn't easy, but think about all the girls just _dying _to be in your place right now. I know I am," and then he laughed aloud.  
"Yes, I know," Susan laughed with him, "thank you,"  
"You're welcome darling," he said again, and then not long after that, Stefano left. Susan walked to her room and looked into the mirror.

_Well, _she thought, _not bad, Su. Not bad at all._

* * *

"Any dreams in particular?"  
"My dreams?" she asked him, "what do you mean?"  
"You certainly have made it clear that you wanted something more out of your life than being a cotton farmer's wife," he told her, "what do you want to be, then?"  
She smiled timidly, "it doesn't matter what I want to be," she said.  
"You are the king's mistress," he said, "I can give you anything you want,"

She didn't answer.

"I invited your fiancé today," he said to her. Susan turned her head sharply. "Here, to the palace," he continued.  
"Willan was here?"  
"Yes," he said, "he was. And I sent him away,"

"You sent him away?" her tone was sharp.  
"I need a fine man like him on an _expedition,_" he said to her, "for a plant I'm looking for. A poisonous plant. Aconitum," he said, and Susan widened her eyes. "Yes. Aconitum. Also called Wolf's Bane. The most dangerous plant in all of Narnia. One drop of its sap and you're a dead man. Well I'm obviously kept busy here, so I sent him. Who better to get it than Narnia's finest cotton farmer?"  
"I wanted to see him,"

"You aren't allowed to," he said to her.  
"Not _allowed_ to?" she asked, "he is my fiancé,"  
"And you are _my_ mistress," the King's tone was sharp, "I suggest you start planting that into your mind from now on," he gritted his teeth.  
"My Lord," she said, almost begging, "please send someone else for the Aconitum,"  
"As long as he is here, you won't be able to take your mind off of him,"

Susan realized what this is about.  
"You are separating me from him," she said, "my Lord, please, spare him his life,"  
"He isn't in any danger," he answered. She didn't.

"You are afraid of being separated from him," he realized that.  
"He is all I have,"  
"I don't understand you," he laughs, "first you don't want to be the mistress. Then you decided you wanted to be given a life bigger than the poor wife of the cotton farmer, and then when I send that man away, you accuse me of tearing you and him apart. Even though that last part is true, you shouldn't mind. You're not allowed to mind,"  
"What could you possibly get from the Aconitum?" Susan asked, "you sent Willan to his death to separate us,"  
"And isn't that what you want?" he leaned in to her, his eyes wide and sharp. Susan didn't believe what he had just said. "You wanted this. _You_ wanted a life bigger than your previous one. You won't leave him; I know for sure, because you don't have the guts. You are afraid, but you don't realize of what. You think you're afraid of losing your poor, pathetic fiancé? No you aren't. You're afraid of this, the glamour and riches fading away. You want him safe so you can return home to something you recognize, but keeping all the memories of hot and steamy sex," he paused, "with me,"

A slap landed on his cheek.

"I..I..I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm..I'm sorry, I'm sorry Your Majesty, I.."  
"Hurt me all you want and it won't make what I said less true," he said. She didn't answer. "Go on, hit me if you think it will make you right,"

She didn't answer. She couldn't. Susan didn't know what she was thinking.  
He pulled back slightly, bitter satisfaction on his face, "I thought so," he said to her again.

"I don't want him dead," she said.

"He won't be killed," the King suddenly said. She didn't move. "I am going to make sure of that. Don't worry," he said again, "I won't hurt you or any part of your life,"

It was a promise made by the King. He wouldn't offend his own words, would he?

* * *

"You've got your things?" he checked.  
"Yes, Your Majesty," Susan answered as they both stopped before going in to the carriage.  
"Good. Now you are going to be in the second, and I the first,"  
"Not in the same one, My Lord?" she asked him.  
He shrugged, "I'm not allowed to be in the same carriage with anyone," he answered, "why, you want to be with me?"

She was surprised at the rhetorical question. She didn't know how to answer, and so she laughed nervously. Why was he so..casual today?

"Listen, Pevensie," he said, "My family that we're about to see, they've nothing to do with the castle. Or the life in it. So we can't be too distant, because they uhh, they uphold some things that the castle doesn't, and vice versa,"  
"Like mistresses?" she asked.  
"No, they understand that this is mandatory for the King, but they don't want us to act that way. My Aunt Anne doesn't see me as the King, nor do any of the family members, so no need for titles when we're in public,"  
"Yes My Lord," she answered him.  
"And I'm sorry to ask this of you, but we both have to go along with every family activities,"

Susan was yet surprised again.  
"Oh," she said, "yes, Your Grace,"  
"Well then," said the King, "we'd better go,"

He went inside the first carriage and Susan into the seconds, behind his.

They rode inside the carriage for a full two days. The King's aunt lives in the outskirts of the north, far away from the town and therefore, more carefree and unaffected by the stiffness of city life. She wondered at what he said about them being different. He said that they didn't see him as the King. Could anyone see him as other than that? She couldn't even imagine in her head to see him as anything else. His presence was demanding, powerful. How could he be otherwise?

Two days went by with boredom and a lot of thinking on her part. How was this all going to go? How was she supposed to act? He was definitely more laid back in his approach. She wondered if maybe that was his aunt's effect on him. But she didn't know. She'd have to find out for herself.

Susan didn't know what to expect at all. In her mind, she couldn't see anything other than a big house, full of aristocrats and riches, treating the King like just a normal boy, and that they'd have to do glamorous things like parties and poker and things like that. He did say that they were different, but she didn't know how different.

'_We can't be too distant,'_ he had said to her. What does that mean? How close are they exactly supposed to be for his aunt? She didn't know. Family activities were never a joy for Susan Pevensie. She loved being surrounded with the togetherness and the loving crowd, but her own family wasn't loving. She liked to be in the middle of a lot of people just chatting and playing games, but she didn't like her family, so that's that.

It wasn't like she never spent time with them or anything like that, but it just so happens that every time she and her family does, it never ends without a fight. Strong egos and loud voices run thickly in her family's blood, and it made her naturally avoid feuds and quarrels, not that she isn't any good breaking them up. Her nature was timid but bold because of her family.

In her mind, wedding get-togethers are fun as long as the old generation's not around. They're usually the ones who are fighting. Those get-togethers were usually filled with games and picnics, sporting activities and such. _What would this one be like?_ She wondered to herself. Guess she'd have to see for herself.

She heard a knock on her carriage door and she awoken. It was clear that he'd been knocking for quite some time.

"Rise and shine, we're here," his voice said. Susan quickly opened the door and he helped her down.

Before she could say anything he pulled her close to him and said, "just go with me on this,"

And then the whole family went out to see him. So it shall begin.


	9. I Have A Name, You Know

**Hello hello good people of the world!**

**I'd like to dedicate this note to a loyal reviewer who's stuck with me (and left me) and returning. She's been there since Before I Lose You, and I've always appreciated her thoughtful reviews. Hey Girl on Fire, how are you doing? :) You're a guest, so I can't contact you via PM even though after your last review, I'd love to talk to you a bit more about your thoughts and comments and mine as well, but I can't, so here goes. **

**1\. I didn't even realize that the way I ended BILY was that deeply saddening to you. From the moment I wrote the prologue of BILY, I knew I didn't want a happy ending for them. I don't know, I just don't see it maybe. And unfortunately (spoiler alert) the same goes with this story, I'm sorry. But I knew how I wanted BILY and this one to end, so I can tell you right now that a happy ending isn't likely. But: **

**I am so happy to know that my stories are affecting at least someone this much. I mean, for you to leave fanfiction because of it, wow. That's a pretty deep reaction. One that saddens me, but still it's a deep reaction and I can only thank you so much, GoF for your loyalty and love for my stories. **

**2\. As I write this story, I realized that Susan's characters in BILY, IKYT and Empty hadn't been as well -developed as I'd like them to be, so in this story I'm modelling Susan after someone whose character I know so well; myself. And that's what I've been trying to write. So readers haha you can hate her character all you want because yeah I'm not so lovable either. I'm just trying to be more open I guess, and share_ my _thoughts through her. So about being sexist, hmm. I know I'm not sexist on myself, but how am I doing so far? **

**3\. You're absolutely right about keeping things for the future. I do that every time with the intention of showing you that Susan and Caspian's relationship in this story unravels near the end. However, in this chapter the two are opening up, so don't worry. His stay with his aunt and family is making him cheerful and just perky happy. **

**4\. Susan's origin isn't that important here. In BILY, the main problem around the story is that she did something she didn't want him to know. Well in this one that's not the problem, I can tell you that. What's the problem then? A clue: he was captured for 7 years. :)**

**Yeah so thanks again to Girl on Fire for being so loyal and interested in the story. Are there anyone else out there who felt as sad and disappointed with the way things ended for Susan and Caspian in BILY? Let me know please! I'm so happy to get reviews like these, which just opens my eyes to what you all really think. Don't hesitate to write again :) Thanks GoF, I really appreciate it :)**

**As usual, I own nothing. **

* * *

"Aunt Anne!" his voice was cheerful. The woman who had been running towards them was plump, pale, flushed skin with freckles on her cheeks and nose. She had curly red hair, tied in a messy, messy bun and tucked under the cloth she tied on her head. Her apron was dirty and what were white now were chocolate, yellow and red. She had been cooking, that was certain. She had a big smile on her face, wrinkles around her eyes and sheer happiness of seeing her nephew. She ran straight into his open arms and they embraced.  
"Took you long enough to get here!" she said, muffled by his arms. His embrace swallowed her whole; she was only as tall as his chest. She kissed his cheeks.  
"How can you not write to me or see me after you've returned, my dear boy! My sweet, sweet innocent boy," she said again as she once again hugged him, "you will get punishment for that, you know, for keeping my heart shattered like that,"  
"I'm so sorry Aunt Anne," he said, a big smile on his face, "but I've been—"  
"Yes yes I know, too busy to keep in contact with your fat Aunt Anne, while I've been here worried sick for seven years," she said, "well no worries. Plenty of work for you to do as punishment. But for now—say, who is this fine lady?" she looked at Susan, and instantly the worried look on her face was replaced with joy.  
"Aunt Anne," he said excitedly, "this is Susan Pevensie,"  
"She is?" Anne asked, happy, but knew that her nephew's sentence wasn't finished.  
"She's my girlfriend,"

The way it came out of his mouth was so casual, as if it was true.

"Girlfriend?!" Anne exclaimed, "oh thank the Mighty Aslan!" she was screaming now, "you've finally found love my dear, dear Nicholas, I am so happy," she said to her as she hugged Susan too. _Nicholas_? She pulled back to look at the woman his nephew had brought.  
"I am Susan Pevensie," she introduced herself with a big smile.  
"And I am happy! Finally my Nicholas has found a girl to love, thank heavens! With you around, I can make sure he is alright now at that far away castle doing his job as King, a dangerous and noble job," Anne said, "and well now let's get you both—"  
"Nicholas!"

Susan saw a girl no more than her age running towards them and hugged him. He had his arms opened too.  
She had long black hair, a slender frame and fair complexion, dark eyes and bright smile.

"Adelaide!" he exclaimed, "my, you've grown taller,"  
"That serves you right for not contacting us after seven years!" Adelaide said, "and you've brought someone! Dear Aslan thank heavens! But of course, for now it is about me,"  
"And only you, Addie," he said to her, "where is Gavin, for crying out loud, I want to meet him!"  
"Not before you introduce me to this lovely lady," Adelaide said with a smile.  
"Right. Susan, this is Adelaide, my cousin and childhood bully,"  
"What kind of a title is that!" Adelaide laughed in protest.  
"And Addie, this is Susan Pevensie. My girlfriend,"  
"Girlfriend!" Adelaide screamed in excitement.  
"Adelaide no screaming!" Anne exclaimed in laughter.  
"Oh mother I'm only half as excited as you! Come on Miss Susan, I shall introduce you to absolutely everyone! We shall be best friends, that's a fact, because you are the woman that has managed to melt my cousin's heart!" Adelaide grabbed Susan by her hand and lead her away from him. Susan turned her head around and saw that he only stood there as he watched them go, not protesting, not denying anything. He smiled at her, and for the first time in her life, she saw him smiling an actual genuine smile.

"So you might not be used to hearing him being called Nicholas around here," Adelaide said cheerfully, "it's what we call him as a child, Nicholas Caspian," she said again.  
"Yes I'm not," Susan answered.  
"What do they call him up there?" Adelaide asked her.  
"His Majesty the King," Susan replied, grinning.  
"Bleh!" Adelaide pretended to vomit, "well he's still the king, but around here he's more our family than that. I think he appreciates that, you know, being considered more a family member than the King for once," she said, "makes him human, I guess,"  
"Yes," Susan answered, "Yes it does. I think so too. Congratulations on the wedding, Adelaide," Susan said.  
"Adelaide? Please, call me Addie!" she had a big smile.  
"Call me Susan," she replied, and the two girls laughed.

"Fancy seeing he brought someone with him," Adelaide said, "he doesn't usually,"  
"Even before the seven years?"  
"Not even then," Adelaide answered, "he's never one to bring girls around. Even when the kings and queens of old were here, he had a..sort of fling with one of them, you know,"  
"I know," Susan said.  
"Yes and well she left too abruptly. And then Ramandu's daughter Liliandil. He also had a fling with her but we never saw her face," she laughed, "and then he brought you here, a delight! We're worried about him being too stressed, you know. That's why everyone will be excited to see you,"  
"Well I'm glad," Susan answered, "I thought everyone would hate me,"  
"Silly!" Adelaide said, "oh there's Gavin. Gavin!"

She called for her fiancé. Gavin turned around to look at his betrothed, and instantly a smile spread on his lips.  
Gavin was a fairly tall man, blonde hair and skinny figure. He put down the freshly baked rolls of bread he had just picked up and walked up to his fiancée.

"Hello darling," he said as he kissed Adelaide's forehead, "now who's this!" he exclaimed in excitement.  
"Nicholas' girlfriend,"  
"Nicholas has a girlfriend now?!" he was grinning so wide, "that's fantastic news! How do you do, Miss?"  
"Never been better," she said, "a big family does that to you, don't you think?"  
"Of course!" he exclaimed, "I'm Gavin, the luckiest man alive right now to be marrying this girl right here," he was grinning.  
"I'm Susan, just Susan," she answered, laughing. "You know..err..Nicholas?"

"Yes he's my childhood friend also. With Addie and everyone else," Gavin replied, "ah there he is right now. Nick!" he exclaimed and walked to his friend. The king had been walking with his aunt, chatting, and when he saw Gavin approaching, he smiled and the two embraced.

"Come on Susan let's get you inside," Adelaide said. Susan turned around to look at the man who came with her here. His eyes caught hers and he mouthed to her, "_go ahead," _Adelaide then lead her inside the house.

Susan took a good look at the house and surroundings.  
The house was..small. It was a small, stone house, its wall covered with growing green vines and little yellow flowers. But surrounding the house was acres of land, green meadows and thousands of wild flowers. Only around five more houses were in sight, and those were in long distances. The merriment of the wedding was clearly seen, decorations are starting to be put up, flowers and everything. Not at all what Susan was expecting.

"Let me introduce you to everyone," Adelaide said as they walked inside the house.  
"Susan, this is Graham," the Graham boy walked to her and had a big smile on his face. He was Gavin's size, and also blonde.  
"Who's this!" he exclaimed happily as he shook her hand.  
"Graham this is Susan Pevensie," Adelaide said, "Nick's girlfriend,"

Graham's smile slowly faded.  
"You're Nick's girlfriend?" he repeated, "my I've got to hand it to you.." he said as he shook her hand even harder.  
"Nick's girlfriend?!" voices came out from the room next door and seconds later, a group of men and women came out.

"Well I sure would like to see this." One of them said.  
"You're Nick's..girlfriend?" one of them asked her.  
"Susan this is Keith, my brother," Adelaide introduced them. Keith was a man of dark hair and pale complexion.  
"How do you do," Susan greeted, smiling.  
"A beautiful woman!" suddenly an old man exclaimed. "I'm Collin, Gavin's old man. This is my wife, Jane,"  
Collin was a plump man in his fifties, white hair and blue eyes. Jane was a slender elder woman, smiling.

"We've known Nicholas since he was a boy, and he's never brought any woman to this house, nor has he talked about one," Collin said, "you must be some amazing girl, my child," he was laughing.  
"You're Nick's girlfriend?" one of them said again, sitting in the back rest of the sofa, "that makes you the most amazing woman ever roamed the earth,"  
Susan laughed.  
"Enough making fun of me, cheeky little bird," suddenly his voice was heard. Susan turned around, but he was already on her side. "that's Anton. He's my cousin. He's 15,"  
"And already a player with the ladies!" he had on a smug grin on his face.  
"I see," Susan answered.  
"This is Jasmine, his sister,"

Jasmine was a pale girl with blonde hair and pink lips, with freckles on her face. Those are characteristics many of them shared.

"Hello Susan!" she said, "welcome to the family," she said. "And you! My God how you've grown you sly bastard!" Jasmine scolded him. She was his age.  
"Yeah Nick, man, you didn't write to us or anything," Graham said, his face serious.  
"Not cool Nick, that's not cool,"  
"Hey hey listen," he said, "I'm sorry. But I knew you'd be angry, and to make it all up to you guys, I've brought presents,"  
"To hell with presents!"

All the heads in the room turned at the new voice.  
"We want to know how you're doing, silly man!"  
"Oof!" he muffled as the woman brought him in for a hug, "Renee, I'm fine,"  
"Don't tell me you're fine!" she said, "I know you aren't. Wait, I know. You can't tell me, is that it? I hate kingly secrets,"

Renee was a slender woman of blonde hair and blue eyes.  
"What have you brought, Nicholas?" Anne asked, a worried look on her face, "I hope it wasn't much trouble,"  
"No it's not, Aunt Anne," he replied, "25 barrels of wine, for supplies for the wedding and the duration of our stay,"

Everybody cheered then.  
"Oh this is Nicholas, alright!"  
"Bless you my boy!"  
"Well we sure love our wine,"  
"Hey shut up!" Renee shouted, and everyone did. "Who's this fine looking woman you've brought?"

"This is Susan Pevensie," he said. Susan felt his arms around her waist as he pulled her close, "she's my girlfriend,"

"Girlfriend?!" Renee was surprised, and everyone else laughed in excitement. "You're his girlfriend!" she exclaimed and then pulled Susan into a hug.  
"Yes I am," she answered. Apparently she is.  
"Well I just want you to know that you have our full support in absolutely everything he has against you," Renee said, and Susan laughed.  
"I'm glad I do," she answered, "I wasn't aware that he is this hated,"  
"Oh we do hate him," Renee assured her, "we absolutely do. You know he disappeared for 7 years and he didn't write to us at all when he came back? No, we had to hear it from the damn royal announcement. Some family we are, eh?"  
"Yes that's not a good thing I think," Susan turned to him, smiling teasingly.  
"I was busy," he said, and then he lowered his voice, "you know with what," he smiled cheekily. She didn't see that coming, and that caught her by surprise. Slowly her smile faded, although she tried with her heart to keep it there. Everyone in the room reacted extremely. Some shouted in excitement, some covered their ears and eyes. The older generation laughed their hearts out.

"Nicholas stop making the girl blush so much!" Anne said in laughter.  
"I can't help it you know," he said to everyone, in so casual a tone she only blushed harder because of it.  
"Alright love birds," Renee said, "well then we'll obviously be best friends because you've managed to get this one," she gestured to Caspian, "what do you say, Miss Susan? Ready to befriend a villager?"  
"I quite like villagers," she laughed.  
"Wait 'till this is all over then let's see what you have to say," Adelaide laughed, "a big and noisy family like us,"  
"The best kind of family there is," Susan answered. Everyone smiled after that.  
"I thank you so much for welcoming me into your arms," Susan said again.

"Please, a pretty girl like you?" Anne said, "any woman who takes care of our Nicholas is likeable by us!"  
"Yeah and you smell good, too," Anton said.  
"Settle down there, tiger," he said.  
"Now Nicholas! Be a gentleman and take her luggage with you both to your room!" Anne said.

"Yes Aunt Anne," he said with a big smile and kissed his aunt's forehead. And then he picked up their bags. "Shall we?" he said in a low voice. And so the two of them left the room. As their figures disappeared into the bed chamber hall, the family continued to look at them.

"Nick's got a girlfriend," Jane said in excitement.  
"I like her!" Renee stated.  
"We all do," Adelaide said.  
"She even smells nice,"  
"Looks good with him, don't you think?" Gavin said.  
"Alright you ducklings, back to work!"

Soon the protests and comments on back to work quieted.  
The two of them walked through a narrow hallway where he bedchambers are. He had both their luggage.

"A heavy family isn't it?"  
She was surprised by his question.  
"Strong characters," she answered, "the kind I like, Your Majesty,"  
"Yes I love them so. Ah, here we are," he said.

They both stopped in front of a small white door, and he put down their bags as he took out a key from his pocket and opened the door. He picked up the bags from the floor once it was opened.

"After you," he said. Susan turned her head to look at him.  
"This is my room?" she asked.  
"This is our room, yes," he answered.  
"One room?" she asked again, "for the both of us?"  
"Well unless you want me to sleep in the garden,"  
"I'm sorry Your Majesty, I.."  
"No it's quite alright," he said again. "Now come on,"

This was new information. She was panicked about it. He caught up on that and surprisingly smiled a mischievous smile.  
"It's not like there's something I haven't seen, you know,"

He was right.

The room was small but bright. Everything was small, but bigger than her own furniture at home. She was used to seeing the furniture at the castle by now where everything was grand and big and majestic. This one doesn't suit him.  
There was a white sofa only for two, and a bed with floral patterned blanket and white sheets, and a wardrobe.

"Now we have to get our heads on the same page," he said as he sat down on the bed. "We met at a ball. You were a commoner, and we fell in love. That's it for now, just follow my lead and we'll be fine,"

Susan only nodded as she stood, hands clasped in front of her waist.

He laughed.  
"Are you always this uptight?"  
"No," she was baffled, "but it is difficult to be casual around someone I have to address as His Royal Majesty,"  
"A good thing you'll call me Nicholas then," he said, "uptight girl,"

She didn't like being called that.  
"Nicholas?" she asked. It sounded strange on her tongue.  
"Yes, Nicholas," he answered her, "Now let's get cleaned up,"

He said as he took off his shirt and went for the bathroom. She turned her head away on reflex. She tended to her luggage.

"Well?" he said, "what are you doing there?"

She stood straight and looked at him.  
"You're taking a bath, My Lord," she said.  
"Not alone," he answered, "you need one yourself, I daresay," a cheeky grin was on his face. "What's wrong, Pevensie? Too uptight to share a bath with your King?"  
She stood there in silence, her eyes slightly widened. No, she was not. And he knew that. He only wanted to challenge her. And he succeeded.  
She didn't move.

He had a smile on his face, but different than the ones he smiled at the castle. This family is changing him for the better. That still didn't make her less intimidated of his presence, especially when they do _this._  
"Come on Pevensie," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist, swallowing her frame, "warm water,soap, me. What can go wrong?" he grinned. She managed a smile.  
"We have to work on your uptightness, if that's even a word. It's not very attractive on you you know," he said as he pulled the laces of her dress.  
"You're not the same man you are at the castle," she remarked.  
"Yes well," he said, "families do that to you," he tugged one last string and her dress fell to the floor.  
"I'd imagined you are used to this now," he said, smiling.  
"No, My lord," she said, "I don't think I ever will,"  
He smiled. "Good," he said, "that's the kind I like,"  
And then he led her to the bathroom by her hand.

* * *

The two of them walked together around the moors. It was cold, and it hadn't been more than afternoon. The two made their way to the spot where everyone else was; picnic by the river. From where they were, the children's laughter were heard and the merriment was seen. Lunch today was a picnic, the whole family. The boys are going swimming in the river, while the ladies plan to either swim or watch.

"You're being nervous again," he said to her.  
"I try not to," she answered, "it's quite difficult,"  
"They all like you, you know," he replied, "see, they have this sort of thing where they worry about me. All of them. And especially after what just happened two months ago," he said, "yeah they're not really big on me living alone in the castle, so they're glad to see at least someone being close to me,"  
"So they're bound to like me because they think you're in love with me?" she asked.  
"Yes, that's about right," he answered her. "So don't be uptight like you usually are. They aren't,"  
"I'm not uptight," she said in a smile.  
"Oh really?" he challenged, "are you, now?"  
"I'm not," she said to him.  
"It'll take more than that to convince me, kid," he said as he laughed.  
"What makes you think I am?" she asked, "in all seriousness,"  
"Oh please," he said, "you never made the first move when we have sex,"  
"I was afraid,"  
"Of sex?"  
"Sex with the King, mind you," she answered, "it's not easy being around your presence,"  
"You never look at me when I talk to you,"  
"I look at you," she said as she lifted her eyes from the grass below her feet.  
"Liar," he said, laughing. "Tell you what, Pevensie," he said, "I'll make you a deal. If you can find a way to be..casual around me starting today, I'll grant you one wish. Anything you want,"

She stayed silent.  
"Anything?"  
"Anything," he confirmed.  
"I'll have to think about my wish,"  
"All the time you need," he said, satisfied.

"Well there you are!" Anne said, "come on Susan, I've got my fried chicken for you!"  
"They're absolutely delicious," he whispered in her ears.  
"And there's plenty here for you two!" Adelaide cheerfully exclaimed. Susan sat down as she was greeted by Adelaide and Renee.

"Actually me and Susan plan to swim," he said.  
"Swim?" Anne asked, "but you haven't had any bite to eat!"  
"We ate just a few minutes ago, Aunt Anne," Susan answered, "but that's not the problem,"  
"What do you mean, Miss Susan?" Graham asked.  
"I can't swim," she said.

The whole family silenced after that.  
"Is she serious?"  
"Well throw her in then!" Gavin said and everyone laughed, joining in, supporting that.  
"Nicholas you didn't tell me she was a fish out of water!"  
"Everybody's in our family are descendants of fishes, since we are so good in the water," Adelaide said.  
"I'll teach you," he said as he walked up to her.  
"No, no please I'll just stay—"  
"Like uptight people would, right?" he whispered, and he flashed her a smile.

She stopped her protest.  
"Fine," she said, and Susan stood up and walked to the river without looking back. Him and the others stared at her back, surprised at the sudden change in her. He didn't move.  
"Well?" she turned around, "if I can't swim by today, no hanky-panky tonight, Nick,"

Gavin and Graham burst out in laughter, followed by Adelaide and Renee. Anne was surprised but she laughed as well, along with pretty much everyone on land.  
"All the more reason for me," he replied with a smile on his lips, and he stripped off his shirt. Gavin and Graham followed suit, along with Renee and Jasmine. Anton was already in the water.

"Hey Miss Susan!" Anton greeted him.  
"Hey Anton," Susan said as she took off her dress. He saw what she was doing and ran even quicker.  
"Whoa slow down there kid," he said as he reached her, "are you sure about this?" he said to her in a low voice.  
"You wanted to teach me. You wanted me to be less uptight," she said.  
"I do, yes," he answered.  
"Well," said Susan, "my King gets what my King wants," she grinned cheekily as she continued to take off her dress. Gavin turned around immediately, but Anton and Graham whistled to her stripping. He looked at the two of them.

"Hey butt face. Whistle again and I'll kill you," he said. Renee and Jasmine laughed from the water. Susan entered the river, hesitant yet certain. He followed suit.

"Okay. First the basics. You'll float, even when you don't hold on to anything. You just push your body with your feet, like this," he showed her. "That's good. Hold on to this rock right here,"  
"Here?"  
"Yes. And then just continue pushing. You have to lift your body up, Susan," he laughed and he held her abdomen up.  
"Like this?" she was focused.  
"Yep," he answered her. "Just continue with that for now, okay. Maybe tomorrow we'll move to the hands, or something,"  
"No," she laughed, "I want to swim, now,"

He looked at her and saw determination in her eyes.  
"All of this because I said you were uptight?"  
"You poked the dragon," she remarked, a smile on her lips.  
"Alright," he said, "now your arms should be like this, push, wide open and pull,"  
She let go of the rock and suddenly her body went with the current. She screamed in fright, but the others laughed.

"It's okay! It's okay I got you," he said to her, also laughing, "now try again,"  
"You're mean," she said in laughter.  
"You're clumsy," he said.  
"I don't mean to be!" she laughed aloud.  
"No but this is good, this is good," he said, "now try to just stay afloat,"  
"I kind of..don't want to," she answered instantly. He realized she was afraid.  
"I got you, Susan," he said.  
"No," she answered again, and then she laughed.  
"Oh come on dearest," Renee said from his back, "let go and join us for a proper swim,"  
"You won't drown, we promise. You're surrounded by fishes here," Jasmine laughed.

"Yes come on Miss Susan let go of the rock!" Anton yelled excitedly from atop a rock.  
"I can't!" she exclaimed, also somewhat excited but afraid.  
"Let go of the rock!" Graham said, "let go of the rock!"  
"Yes dear, let go of the rock and swim!"  
"Susan, I got you," he keep saying. Susan then exhaled and shouted at the top of her lungs before letting go of the rock and swam, on her own.

Everyone clapped and cheered loudly. He quickly caught her and the two embraced in the water.

"She's a fish, alright!" one of them said.  
"Alright," he said to her, "enough for now, I think?"  
Susan nodded with the biggest grin on her face. He swam with her to the shore which wasn't far away from them, and got her dress for her before they got out of the water and walked back to the house.

"We'll just have to have a race after this, Miss Susan!" Anton yelled amidst the happiness.  
"Deal!" she answered him, and then she continued to walk away from the crowd.

He held her close to him.  
"No way you're going swimming without my protection," he said to her, "you're the King's mistress, for God's sake," he had a nervous smile on his face.  
"Nicholas," she teased, "I didn't know you're this.._uptight,"  
_He turned his head to look at her, and she smiled at him. And then they both walked into the house.

"Another bath?" he asked her, grinning.  
"Happily,"

* * *

"Shall we say grace?"  
Everyone in the table held hands.  
"Dear Aslan, we pray to you to continue our prayers to the hands and might of your Father, bless this food and family. We thank the return of our nephew, cousin and friend dear Nicholas, for it is your doing that has made him return safely and unharmed. Amen,"  
"Amen!"  
Soon, noises and clatters of silver wares filled the entire house.

"I'm starving!"  
"Pass the potatoes please,"  
"Oh you must try this one. She used butter this time,"  
"Anne, you've really outdone yourself,"

It was never quiet in that house. That's what makes Susan like it so. It reminded her of warmth of her own family, when it's normal.  
"Ladies first, Anton," his voice broke her daydream, "here you go kid," he said as he scooped a big spoonful of creamy mashed potatoes onto her plate. He then forked slices of fatty roast beef and put it on her plate next to the potatoes.  
"Beans?" he was busy getting food for her.  
"Err, sure," she said, "but I can't finish this much food,"  
"Nonsense, sure you can. And you must," he said as he put spoonfuls of string beans onto her plate. It was full now.  
"And of course, my aunt's famous gravy," he poured it from the gravy boat freely.  
"Your Majes—I mean, Nick slow down," she laughed.  
"If you don't finish it I'll just pick from your plate," he said to her.  
"You've got to eat a lot to be able to put up with him, Susan," Adelaide said.  
"Haha, very funny," he mocked, and Adelaide stuck out her tongue. That went on amidst all the other noise of people chatting and laughing and asking for food to be passed on.

"Aunt Anne," he said, "I've arranged a special holiday. For you and everyone,"

That silenced the room.  
"To Archenland, in 12 month's time,"  
Anne was unsure. "You've rented a place for us there, child?" she asked.  
"No, not rent. I've bought a place for you,"

Suddenly the dinner table was noisy again. They were all excited.  
"You've bought a place for us?!" Renee said, joyful.  
"Yes I have," he answered with a wide smile on his face, "A mansion in the center of the city. You are all to leave in 12 month's time, for 6 months. I will pay for everything, don't worry,"  
"Oh, but Nicholas my dear, I can't let you—"  
"No, Aunt Anne," he replied, his voice soft, "I don't mind. Consider this a gift. Aslan knows I owe you guys one,"

Everyone was happy with that.  
"A mansion!"  
"At the heart of the city! Think of all the shopping,"  
"And parties,"  
"Now everyone say thank you to your cousin Nicholas!" Anne said.  
"Thanks Nick,"  
"Thank you cousin," sentences as these flew around for a while.

"You're welcome," he answered, smiling.  
"But I think everyone else should go," Anne said, "I'll stay here and manage the estate,"  
His smile faded.  
"Aunt Anne," he said, "I have arranged for everyone to go,"  
"Will you be joining us?"  
"No," he said, "No I won't. Anton, persuade your mother for me please,"  
"Yes come on mother! It won't be the same without you,"  
"Yeah Anne,"  
"Oh yes come on mum," Adelaide said. Gavin joined in.  
"And when was the last time you've actually done something for yourself?" he asked her.  
"Oh silly Nicholas this one wouldn't be myself doing for me," Anne replied, "it's your money!"  
"And I wouldn't spend it on anything else," he said, "go. Please,"  
For a second Anne didn't reply.  
"Please Aunt Anne," he said again, "for me,"

Anne looked at her nephew and finally eased.  
"Thank you child," he said, and everyone cheered. He smiled.

"Now, I think we shall all be glad to hear of how the two of you met!" Adelaide exclaimed.  
"Addie, I don't think Susan is up to—"  
"Oh nonsense! If you're going to bring a girl here, you have to tell us how you met her!"  
"No, it's going to bore you I'm afraid," he dodged the question.  
"No, no," Susan suddenly spoke, "I don't mind," she said to him. He looked at her, puzzled and surprised.  
"Alright," he said after a few moments of silence. "We met at a ball,"

Everyone was listening.

"I asked her to dance the moment I saw her standing in the room," he said, "it was a masked ball, and she didn't know who I was, so she shared with me her thoughts and worries about the newly-returned king," he reminisced, "we ended up talking for hours. And then the next day I had the guards search for her throughout the Kingdom," he laughed, "I was romantic, wasn't I?" he asked her.  
Susan paused before she answered. What was he doing?  
"You still are," she answered.  
"God, get a room!" Anton said, and Renee shoved a hand in front of his mouth, "shut up snot,"  
Susan laughed.  
"Yeah well anyway," he continued, "things have went on from there,"  
"Well when are you two getting married?"

Susan nearly choked. Anne's question was honest, and only when she lifted her face to look at everyone did Susan realize that everyone was expecting the same thing.

"Ah, we've never discussed that yet, have we love?" he said as he continued to casually eat. What did he just call her?  
"Yes," she answered, "we haven't. But enough please, about us. How did you and Gavin meet, Adelaide?" she asked them.

Adelaide smiled and told the story. Susan listened and laughed and was a bit teary in the end, but she couldn't get her head off of what was happening. What was he doing?

* * *

"A fun night," she remarked.  
"Yeah, never dull in my family," he said as he lied down on the bed. "A tiring day,"  
"It was," she agreed.

Susan continued to brush her hair in front of the small vanity. They had both taken refreshing and cleansing bath, cleaning them of all the grimes of today.

"They call you Nicholas," she smiled.  
"Ever since my childhood," he said back, arms behind his head. After that, silence.

The room was dimly lit and cool, just the way they both liked it. The noises of the house had subdued; it was around midnight. Everyone had gone to sleep.

"I'm actually impressed with you today," he said to her, smiling, "you answer to a challenge,"  
"Thank you, Your Majesty," she said. He stayed quiet after that.

"Even though here you are my girlfriend, back at the castle you are my mistress," he said, "Mistresses are not this stiff with their kings,"

She didn't answer.

"I'm sorry," he suddenly said. She stopped her doing altogether and looked at him through the reflection in the mirror. He had been looking at her, too. "Come here," he said, patting the empty space beside him. Susan stood up and walked there before lying in her side of the bed.

"I know you're not uptight. You're just afraid of me," he said.  
"I've been afraid, yes," she admitted.  
"Because I raped you?"

The word sounded even harsher in her ears when it came from his mouth.  
"Ah," she laughed awkwardly, "I wouldn't use that word, Your Majesty,"  
"No, I'm not avoiding my actions," he said to her, "I raped you. I'm sorry for that,"  
"It's quite alright, Your Grace,"  
"No, it's not," he said. "I'm not that kind of man. At least I-" he paused, "I didn't used to be,"

Susan didn't understand him at all.

"Your Majesty, what happened in those 7 years?"  
"Wrong question," he said, "I never want to hear you ask that question again, do you understand?"

She stayed silent after that.

"God. Sorry. I meant," he said again, his voice softer, "I meant it's best if you don't know,"  
He smiled to her. A kind smile. And so she smiled back.  
"Of course, Your Grace," she said to him. "I'm sorry too,"  
He didn't understand. "You're sorry? For what?"

"For not making this easy for both of us. I'm your mistress, I know I should be outgoing and cool and everything every other women aren't,"  
"Now wait a minute kid," he grinned.  
"But I'm not. I can't promise you I will be, but I can promise you to be less uptight," she said, determined. He looked at her for a moment before answering.

"I think I can live with that," he said to her.  
"I want us to be friends," she said, "can we do that? I mean.. am I allowed to be?"  
"My friend? Sure," he laughed.  
"Well good. I won't be uptight around my friend,"  
"And that's a good thing," he agreed, "I'm glad to see this change in you, Pevensie,"  
"Your family and yourself have brought this appealing change in me, Your Grace. As they have you,"

He was silent for a moment.

"I have a name, you know," he said. She turned her head to look at him. "Caspian," he said.  
She wasn't sure what she should do.  
"I want you to call me by my name," he said to her. She didn't answer.  
"What's wrong?" he asked.  
"No, I'm sorry," she said, "it's sounds so foreign to me, I've never realized that it is your name,"  
"I guess 7 years of being gone makes your people forget about you," he said quietly.  
"You're wrong," she said. "Hello Caspian. I'm Susan. Just Susan,"  
"Hello, just Susan," he said to her, "I think we're in for some amazing sex together,"

She laughed aloud after that.  
"You did teach me how to swim today," she said.  
"I did, didn't I?" he asked rhetorically as he leaned in.  
"Yes you did," she answered.

Suddenly they heard noises. It took them a while before finally realizing what they were.

Moaning, screaming, banging. Adelaide and Gavin in the next room.  
Susan and Caspian looked at each other before bursting out in laughter.

"Yeah I don't think we're doing this tonight," he said as he pulled back, and she laughed aloud. "Forgive my embarrassing family,"  
"No, no I think they're great," she said, laughing.  
"The greatest," he said, "you don't mind the noise, do you?"  
"No, of course not," she laughed again, and he joined in laughing.


	10. Victoria

**Hey everyone!**

**Again, thank you so so much for all your reviews and thoughts that you've sent me through PMs. I can't thank you enough for you all taking the time and actually sharing with me what you really think. It's kind of refreshing to know how your story is affecting the readers. In this chapter someone is appearing, someone new. It's a new character, but an important one for this and at least the chapter ahead. A little bit of Susan's personality is also uncovered, can you find out what it is? :) *note: careful of some bit of language in this one.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

* * *

"Slept well last night?"  
Adelaide turned her head sharply at her cousin's _girlfriend._ Susan looked at her, a mischievous smile on her face.  
"You heard!" Adelaide said in laughter.  
"Everyone heard, silly girl," Renee said as she continued to clean the string beans they all had in front of them, "you're lucky Susan to have only come yesterday, myself and the others are stuck listening to cows going at it for a week,"  
Susan laughed aloud.  
"You can move downstairs to the couch!" Adelaide said.  
"It is unkind to the children!" Renee said, pretending to be serious, "Anton's fifteen you know, God knows what he's thinking of,"  
"He'll be thinking about it with or without the noise," Susan pointed out.  
"Thank you!" Adelaide exclaimed, "she understands me,"  
"She's the newbie, of course she does," Renee said.  
"That's true though," Susan joked.

Not far away from them, the boys were all playing, laughing and scheming.  
"They're taking a long time to design a game for us," Adelaide remarked.  
"They're designing a game for us?"  
"Yes for all of us to play," Renee said, "well the six of us, to be specific," Anton and Jasmine were inside, helping their mother.  
"Well this should be fun," Susan said excitedly as she looked at the boys, planning and laying down rocks, laughing at and with each other.

"Susan, you ride horses, don't you?" Adelaide asked.  
"Yes, why?" she asked back.  
"Tomorrow's the big hunt before the wedding," Renee answered, "we all join in for the hunt and camp for one night in the woods,"  
"Sounds like fun," Susan answered, smiling.

"Oy! Ladies!" Graham shouted, "about time we have fun, isn't it?"  
Adelaide and Renee had a big grin on their faces, and Susan instantly knew that this was going to be fun. The three of them walked to the venue of the game.

"Right," Graham said, "three teams, Addie and Gavin, Susan and Nick, and myself with this fox. Now, there are five posts. The first one, right here," he gestured to a marked square of the meadow floor, "is the starting point. To get to the second post, there," he pointed to a stick that's standing upright, "running, of course. Easy peasy. And then from the second post, to the third, piggy back ride, ladies?" he smiled, "and then the men shall run to the fourth and back to pick up their ladies, and tie your ankles together with the ropes you shall find there, and finish to the fifth, across the stream,"  
"Across the stream?" Adelaide asked, "A good reason to exercise,"  
"I always love a good race," Susan said excitedly.  
"You do?" he asked her, unsure.  
"You doubt my sportsmanship, Nick?"  
"Uh-oh," Graham trailed off.  
"Oh you know I don't, darling," Nick said as he kissed her forehead, "well come on, then, let's get to it,"

The three pairs lined up.  
"Yeah no way you're giving me a piggyback ride, pal," Renee said, "we've been together too long to know that's not going to work," and Graham laughed aloud.

"I'm so ready for this," Susan said.  
"Slow down," he laughed, "no pressure,"  
"What? Afraid we'll lose because of me?" she grinned, "may I remind you I was the fiancée of a cotton farmer. I can handle this,"  
"I'm sure you can," he grinned, "still, no pressure,"  
"Ready?" Graham shouted for them all, "on your mark, get set," he said, "go!"

And then all of them ran as fast as they can. For a while there they seemed to be pretty at each other's necks, but it didn't take him long for Nicholas to outrun them, of course. She realized that she was the one slowing her down. And in between all of that, shouting and happy shrieks were heard, each of them not realizing of who they were from.  
"Show off!" Adelaide exclaimed, and her cousin only blew out his tongue at her as he continued running, Susan beside him. As they reached the second post, without hesitation Caspian squatted and she climbed his back before he ran away. A mere second went by as Renee had Graham climbed her back and she ran like the wind, Graham laughing so loudly and cheering his wife from her back. Gavin had an advantage; Adelaide was the tiniest from all of them. That made him went neck to neck with Renee. As they reached the third post, Caspian dropped her off of his back.  
"You alright?" he asked her, unsure.  
"What are you doing stupid man run!" Susan had the largest grin on her mouth.  
"Oh right!" he replied as he ran as fast as he can to the fourth post. Graham and Gavin quickly followed suit, Graham slightly faster than the latter.  
"Go on my fast running monkey!" Adelaide exclaimed, and Susan made it a mental note that they have some of the weirdest pet names around here.  
"Come on Graham!"  
"Run Caspian run!"

At that, Renee and Adelaide immediately stopped their screams and turned their head to look at her.

"Oh, right sorry. I meant Nicholas! Run Nicholas!" she still laughed. Adelaide and Renee merely looked at each other and continued their cheers. Soon the boys ran back to the third post. Caspian was still in the lead. He grabbed Susan's hand and they both ran together to the fourth post, tied their ankles together and ran, meanwhile the other two also ran, in laughs.

"Careful!" he exclaimed to Susan with a grin on his face as they approached the stream.  
"No don't slow down!" Susan yelled back as the two jumped with all their might throughout the stream.  
"Gavin you slow dog!"  
"I'm sorry pigeon I'm afraid of falling down!"

Behind them was a riot. And they weren't far off either.  
"I see the post! Come on!" Susan shouted again, and they ran as fast as they could. And then finally the two of them crossed the finish line first. She laughed aloud and he immediately pulled her in an embrace.

"Well played, my cousin, well played," Renee said when they were all there.  
"That might be the sweetest thing you've ever said to me, ever," he said, "A good game, everyone!"  
"Ah you say that to cheer us up Nick," Graham said as he laughed, and then he turned to Susan, "no one's ever beaten him in a game of sports since we were childhood. You know, training,"  
"Of course," Susan answered, "so this wasn't a fair game after all, they've not received the training you have,"  
"Hey all is fair in love and war and sports," he defended himself.  
"Of course it is!" Adelaide said, "now let's get back to the house. Lunch, I think, anyone?"

And the group all agreed on that. Caspian wrapped an arm around her and kissed her forehead as they all walked back to the house. And she, without realizing it, accepted his arm like he had been doing it for ages.

* * *

"Great game you played today," she remarked, "a good exhibition on your sportsmanship," she laughed.  
"You're making fun of our win," he answered her, rowing with both hands.  
"No, no I'm not," she said again, "oh no," she said immediately as she felt the boat rocking too greatly.  
"Would you stop worrying so much, woman?" he said, a grin on his lips.  
"I'm scared to death right now," she said.  
"There's no crocodiles-"  
"What of crocodiles?"  
"And there's no sharks either-"  
"What if there's a- Now you're making fun of me," she said, and he laughed in agreement.  
"If you aren't so gullible maybe I wouldn't," he said.  
"You dragged me out here in a boat when you know I'm not yet a pro at swimming,"  
"Hey, Susan, the shore's right over there. See that house? Yep, that's our house. Mainland, not three centimeters away from you,"  
"You're definitely making fun of me,"  
"And if you're not so gullible—"  
"Yes yes I know," she finished his sentence for him, "well you can't expect me to be somewhat occupied here. What are we supposed to do, read books?"  
"Yes, that's exactly what we are going to do," he said, laughing, "too tedious?"  
"No, no not at all," she said, "I'd much rather swim, though," she joked.  
"Oh you do, do you?" he asked, and from his tone she knew he was up to something.  
"No, no Caspian-!"

Meanwhile inside the house, the noise from the river made Graham looked at the source, through the window in the parlor.

"Darling what do you think?"  
"About what?" Renee was busy with her needlework to pay attention to her husband.  
"About Sue and Nick, of course,"  
She lifted her eyes to look at him, "I think they're great,"  
"And why do I feel a continuation of that sentence there?" Graham rested his back on his seat.

"Don't make me say it,"  
"You're going to anyway," he smiled, knowing his wife inside out. "Go on,"  
"You know I love her. I do," she said, "I adore her and he adores her and everyone in this family doesn't have a problem with her,"  
"But..?" Graham said again, and finally she stopped her needlework.

"You really want to hear it?"  
"Of course I do, like I've been for the three years we've been married,"  
She exhaled. "I think it won't last,"  
"Why?"  
"You're making me the big bad wolf,"  
"Aren't you already not the sweet little girl?" he laughed, "come on, confide in your dear husband,"  
"He's never had this before, you know. And the first times never work," she said, "and here, he's our sweet and brave Nicholas, but you know he's something more. And he always will be, until the day he dies,"  
"You're saying it's a lot of pressure to handle?"  
"You understand me,"  
"I do, yes," he said, "because your reason is understandable,"  
Graham looked once again through the window of the parlor, to the young couple in a boat, laughing and shrieking together in happiness.  
"I think they will end up together," he said.  
"You've always been romantic and positive," she remarked, "but if they do end up together, I shall be very happy,"  
"Me too," he agreed, "don't you think she's up for it? Life at the castle?"  
"I don't know," she answered her husband, "she sure is up for the village, though,"  
"But not so much as us," he said, and they gave each other a high five.

"Don't move it I'm begging you," Susan shouted after laughing, genuinely afraid.  
"Yep I knew it. Expected, of course, from the most uptight girl in all of Narnia,"  
"Yes because I am scared for my life,"  
"Oh come on Susan, the river's not even that deep!"  
"There's fishes," she said as she held on to her book, "just please stop moving the boat so roughly, please? And let's just read books like you planned,"

Caspian looked at her opening the book and stayed silent before he snatched it away (causing the boat to rock greatly, much to Susan's _liking_) and held it above the open water.

"Aslan, give that back!" she said.  
"No reading today I'm afraid, Miss Pevensie,"  
"Your Majesty please! If you get that book wet-"  
"I won't get it wet, okay," he said, smiling calmly. Suddenly the book fell out of his hands. She screamed in horror.

"Oh shit," he said as he stood up quickly.  
"What the hell are you doing?"  
"Getting your book, what's it look like I'm doing?" he jumped in the water.  
"You're mad!" she was screaming and shouting at the same time.

Meanwhile inside the house, two pairs of eyes looked at them both.  
"You know what's funny?"  
"What?" Graham asked as he put a hand around his wife.  
"She actually called him Caspian this morning,"  
"What?" he said, "no," he laughed. She joined in his laughter.  
"Graham, I swear to Aslan I'm not even kidding…"

* * *

"Here you go, Miss Susan," Anton said as he handed her the bean salad.  
"Thank you Anton," she smiled to him. That kid was accustomed to treat girls in a polite manner.  
"Miss Susan, you're joining us for the hunt tomorrow, of course?" Gavin asked.  
"No, she isn't,"

The answer was so forward, and Susan was taken aback by it. Clearly everyone else was, too.

"I'm not?" she asked him in a low voice.  
"No," he answered again as he put a bite of chicken into his mouth, "too dangerous,"  
Adelaide laughed, "too dangerous? We all go to the hunt, Nicholas, women too,"  
"Yes Nick," Graham replied, "she won't get hurt, you've seen how these women hunt,"  
"Fiercer than the men, I daresay," Gavin said and Renee laughed.  
"Yes well," Caspian replied, "I can't risk it,"

Something was clearly going on. Susan knew exactly what it was, but everyone else didn't. They just knew that he was being strange.

"Yes," she said, 'I shouldn't go tomorrow,"  
"Well Miss Susan you can't be in the house alone," Gavin said.  
"She won't be alone," Caspian said as he looked at her, "I'll stay here,"

Once again silence fell to the table. Yep, they definitely smelled something fishy about his behavior.

"Oh I see!" Renee suddenly exclaimed, "yeah, well yeah," she said again.  
"What do you see, dear?" Graham asked, unsure.  
"Well," she said, "well I mean, you know, uhh, darling these uhh, young couple, would like to be in the house alone, tomorrow," her voice got smaller with each word. Susan widened her eyes in horror as she realized what they thought Caspian's motives were.

"Oh! Oh right, right," Gavin said, realizing, "Mmm yes well. Tomorrow is as good as any,"  
"A good day for what?" Anne asked, clueless.  
"Well uhm, mother, they want to you know, do some cleaning and stuff,"  
"And help out for the decorations!" Adelaide added, "yes help decorating, isn't that right, Miss Susan?"  
"Yes," she answered quickly, "decorating,"

Susan could see his cheeky grin from the corner of her eyes.  
"Well," Anne said, "that's good!"  
"Yes," Caspian said, "very good. If that is, of course, my intention at all—"  
"Ah!"  
The whole table almost got up from their seat and jumped at him, while a clueless Anne asked, "well what is your intention then?"  
Caspian laughed in his chair as the rest of his cousins tried to find an excuse for his talk to their mother. Susan shifted uncomfortably in her chair, but she managed a nervous smile.

"Hello everyone,"  
Suddenly a light, cheerful voice entered in the middle of the joyfully awry situation that was going on with them. All heads turned to the entrance of the dining room. And there, stood a young woman no more than Susan's age, her hair blonde and her skin pale, blue eyes and pink lips. "Sorry I'm late," she said with a big, happy smile. Ironically her smile didn't add up to the happiness that was there in the room before she arrived. Everyone suddenly grew tense. And Susan, while not feeling it herself, realized the sudden change of air in the room.

"Nicholas," she said, her smile fading slowly. She knew him?  
"Victoria,"

* * *

"You've changed, you know," she said. There was obvious shivering in her voice. The cold night air stabbed her bones, but it didn't wipe off the smile she had on her lips. It wasn't fully kind as she said, "at least to me you have,"  
"I've changed to everyone," he said. There were only the two of them on the porch that night, and the rest of the house had retired to their rooms, but it was a public secret that they'd be listening to their conversation.

"And you come here and you bring a girl with you," she said, "classic,"  
"Leave her out of this,"  
"What? She calls you Your Majesty and you're probably her first fuck,"  
"Don't talk about her that way," he said, his voice harder now. She looked at him and laughed.  
"It's really funny how you've changed, Nick," she said to him, "you used to be in love. You used to let yourself fall in love,"  
"Love is a privilege not all of us can have,"  
"Oh quit the bullshit, Nick," she said, "you're the fucking King of Narnia,"  
He laughed, "then you should learn to watch your tongue in front of the King of Narnia,"  
"I bet she doesn't cuss,"  
"No," he smiled as he looked at the floor, shaking his head slightly, "no she doesn't,"  
"Aslan," she said, "you're in love with her, aren't you?"  
"Love is a privilege not all of us can have," he repeated his words. She didn't answer to that. "Besides, I'm not," he said again. "Not with her anyway,"  
"Don't tell me," she said, slowly realizing all of this, "she's your fuck buddy isn't she?"

"She's the royal mistress," he said, "she's _my _mistress,"  
"Shit," she said, "and you've brought her here for what? Showing Anne you're..in love? Or something?"  
"That's exactly it," he said as he took off his coat and placed it on her shoulders, "you're freezing,"  
"If she's your mistress then why not call for me?"  
"Vic..I—"  
"You don't even have to love me, if that's not allowed or whatever," she said, "why not call for me?"  
"It's difficult," he said, "you don't understand,"  
"Yeah and I bet she doesn't, either," Victoria said, "I'm not your family. We've known each other for ages, Nick. You can tell me,"  
"There's nothing to tell," he answered, a simple smile on his face. Victoria took a good look at him.

"I know when you lie," she said.  
"I know you do," he answered, "still won't change anything,"  
"Silly bastard," she muttered, and he laughed.  
"You're still the same woman," he said.  
"And I know somewhere deep in there is still the same man," she replied him. "Make me your mistress,"  
"It doesn't work that way," he said again.  
"You're the king, _make _it work that way,"  
"And you don't know anything about being a royal," he laughed, "look. I've bought a mansion in Archenland for my family to stay for 6 months, precisely next year. You should come,"  
"Will you be there?"  
"No, I won't," he answered.  
"Then I won't come,"

"It won't change anything if I do come with you," he said, "I'll have an heir then. Anything else won't matter," he said as he stood up.  
"This is about _children_?"  
"Just come. Do it for me. Now we should sleep,"  
"You go ahead. I hate you," she pouted.  
"I won't have you alone out here in the middle of the night," he said to her.  
"So you do still care about me?"  
He grinned, "as I do everyone in this house,"  
"More than your fuck buddy I daresay," she said as she went inside the house.  
"Susan," he said, "her name is Susan,"  
"Yeah whatever," she replied, "you're going to the hunt tomorrow?"  
"No," he said, "me and Susan are staying,"  
"Well that's settled then," she said.  
"What?" he asked her as the two of them walked up the stairs.  
"I'm not going either,"  
"Well," he said, "don't blame me if you're left out tomorrow,"  
"Oh bullshit what will you even do together that I can't do by myself?"

He didn't reply at that. He just shook his head.  
"Goodnight Victoria," he said.  
"Goodnight Nick," she replied him, "careful there. Don't say my name when you're with her,"  
"Yeah," he said, "I highly doubt I will,"

He then entered his room.  
What a night. He didn't expect at all that Victoria would be there. How stupid of him. She was, after all, a friend of the family.

"Asleep?" he asked her as he took off his shirt.  
"No, Your Majesty," she answered him. He lied down beside her.  
"What a day," she said.  
"Never a dull day with my family," he smiled.  
"I think it's nice what you're doing for them," said Susan, "the trip to Archenland,"  
He laughed quietly, "it's not all for them,"  
"What do you mean?"  
"Nothing," he answered, "but yeah, what can I say? I care deeply for them,"  
"Especially your aunt," she remarked.  
"I'm a mama's boy even though she's not my real mother," he smiled.  
"Yes, you confuse me so, Your Majesty,"  
"How so?"  
She seemed to think to herself for a while before answering that. The silence made him more curious, almost annoyed.

"Well?" he finally said, laughing impatiently, "we're both getting old here,"  
She laughed.  
"It's just, well here you are..this," she gestured, "and this you requires me like I am now, but I'm not sure if back at the castle you will stay like this, and I'm not sure what I have to be then,"  
"You're the king's mistress," he said with a grin, "you're supposed to be well-read, fluent in Calormene and native Telmarine, beautiful, play some music. That's what you have to be all the time, no matter the location and condition."  
"Yes I understand," she said, "Pardon me, my king it was stupid to even say what I did,"  
"No, no," he answered, "on the contrary, you're right. Back at the castle, we can't be this..close,"  
"I understand," she said again.

And then both of them regretted what they said, although on his part it was less so.

"You must understand why you can't go to the hunt,"  
"I'm sorry, Your Grace, it was foolish of me to agree in the first place—"  
"No, but you need to understand why you shouldn't. You are the official royal mistress now. _Everybody _in the castle and the whole of Narnia depends on you to produce an heir to the throne. Including me," he said, "they know I won't marry. I don't want to. And so you are their only choice, Susan. You must learn to value your life. I value you,"

Susan made no reply. He took her hand in his.  
"You are important to me," he said, "my child will grow inside you. And after that, all the dowry and lands and titles as you like,"  
She was happy at the thought of that. Riches, a land to call her own.  
"But you must succeed in bearing my child, do you understand?" he said.  
"Yes, Your Majesty," she replied.  
"Good," he said this with a nod.

The night wrapped them in its sheer silence. And the cold air also was a bother, but each was submerged in their own thoughts so deeply that it didn't matter.

"I do play music," she said.  
"You do?" he asked.  
"Yes," she said, "I play percussion,"  
"Percussion?" he didn't believe it, "it isn't exactly a field of music a lady would be an expert at,"

She laughed, "yes, but I do,"  
"I must see it then, once we get back to the castle,"  
"I don't have a kit of my own, Your Grace," she answered him, "and the castle doesn't, either,"  
He seemed to think for a while.

"Adelaide and Gavin is awfully silent tonight," she remarked.  
"Yes they are," he said, his mind off the previous subject, "probably just tired of eavesdropping my conversation with Victoria,"  
"Yes I suppose so," she replied. And then the two fell into another pit of silence. Susan was so curious about the woman who had just come earlier at dinner. She was clearly his friend, if not more. But what really happened between those two?

"Tomorrow we'll have fun," he said.  
"Uhh," she stammered, "yes, My Lord," she replied him before she cleared her throat.  
"She doesn't like you, you know," he suddenly said again.  
"Victoria?" Susan asked.  
He smiled, "she's jealous of you. I can't think of any reason why," it was sarcastic.  
She laughed nervously. She tends to do that with him around.

"Good game today, Pevensie,"  
"I shall say the same for you, Your Majesty," she smiled, feeling good about today and about herself.  
"Haven't I told you to call me by my name?"

His question caught her off guard.  
"Right," she said, "Caspian,"  
"Susan," he said back. "We should get some sleep,"  
"Yes," she replied, "goodnight, Caspian,"  
"Sleep well, Susan,"

Things were unclear but great. At least in her mind it was. She didn't understand what their relationship now look like, but she definitely knew how she wanted it to be. Seeing him like this, it made her realize something that may not even existed at all. This was dangerous, and she knew that herself. Only she didn't listen.


	11. Back to Before

**Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. **

* * *

"Remember how good this felt?"  
Caspian looked at the blonde girl who smiled at him as she ventured, barefoot, through the enormous tree roots that surfaced from the ground. Her ice blue dress matched the scene they were in; the cold, morning air, the orange-yellow shine from the half-risen sun. In front of them, a large meadow, empty. It was quite eerie too, the silence. If she didn't talk, it would only be bird song that filled the morning air between them. He smiled.

"You still remember? It's been 7 years," he said.  
"I remember a good time no matter how long time has come between it,"  
He snorted, "our morning strolls were never in your 'good time' category. Don't you think I know you well enough?"  
"Why do you think it isn't? It is. It had you in it,"

His smile grew into an uncomfortable one.  
"Sorry, forgot how in love you are," she was mocking him.  
"Love?" he asked, "I can't afford to be in love right now,"  
"Right, sorry. Forgot how caring you are of your prostitute,"  
"She is my _mistress_, you aren't allowed to talk of her that way," he answered.  
"That's what I would call myself if I was your mistress, and I'd do so proudly,"  
He raised his eyebrows. "I can imagine that,"  
"Sure you can. After all, it is the way things should be, isn't it?"

"Victoria.."  
"Tell me why you didn't call for me, Nick. Why didn't you? I would be happy to serve you, as your mistress, lover, any way possible,"  
"You're in love with me,"  
"I can't see why that would be a problem," she said.  
"You don't understand my position. What I _need_ is someone who didn't know who I am as a person, who, if not for being my mistress, wouldn't have anything to do with me whatsoever,"  
"I don't believe you," she said, stubbornly, "you love me. That's why you didn't call for me, because you're still in love with me,"  
"Vic—"  
"No, say it Nick!" she said, standing in front of him now. Caspian looked to the ground behind her.  
"Nick, Nicholas look at me," she said as she turned his head by the jaw to look at her, "say it,"

He still didn't answer.

"Tell me the truth, Nick. You're still in love with me even after those 7 years. And I love you. I love you," she said to him.  
"I don't love you, Vic," he answered slowly and quietly, "not anymore,"  
Victoria pulled back, trying to peel the layer that stood between her and the Nicholas she once knew. He was gone.  
"You're lying!"  
"Love is of no relevance to people like me," he said, "you must understand that, Vic,"

"You left me here for 7 years and all of a sudden you came back, and I had to wait. No letters, no news for two months and suddenly you come here, bringing _her,_" she hissed with the word, "a _prostitute, _with you!"

A slap landed on his cheek.

"I didn't ask to be abducted," he said, "I didn't know anything. And you're right, I do love you. But Vic that doesn't change anything,"  
"You're already with her," she remarked, "make up your mind, do you love her or me?"  
"I don't have to love her," he answered.

"But you do,"  
Her reply caught him off guard.  
"Or else you wouldn't have brought her here. Or made her your mistress at all,"

He wasn't able to conjure up a reply. All that came into his mind was denial, but a part of him nagged at his heart. Could what she just said be true?

"You wouldn't pick someone randomly. You've fallen for her," Victoria said, "for some reason you have. What? What is it Nick?" she laughed mockingly, "is it the sex?"

He didn't answer her. He kept a straight face, looking at the ground and just stayed that way. Victoria began taking off her clothes. Her bodice was first, and then her dress. She unlaced her corset and when he looked at her, asking the silent question of what she was doing, she pushed him down to the forest floor. She straddled him, sitting below his waist and took off her undergarment.

"Don't," he said to her.  
"Why not? It's just sex, remember? No feelings,"  
"Don't do this, Vic," he said again, but she didn't care. Without opening his pants she began to push.

"Stop it," he said again, stern this time as he grabbed her by her wrists. "Stop this, Vic,"  
"No," she answered as she kept going up and down his body, "no," she moaned.

Caspian stood up.  
"I can't do this to you," he said, "I won't,"  
"Nick, you're not doing _anything_ to me, you won't be doing _anything _that'll hurt me,"

"You don't understand," he said again, "I'm leaving now. But I don't want you to do that ever again," he turned around to leave.  
"Victoria," he called her name, "Nobody is to know about this," he said. And then he left.

* * *

Susan had been awake for a while.

The rest of the house had left for the hunt earlier that morning, just before the sun rose. He was supposed to be there with her. But now it was raining slightly.

Victoria.  
Who was she? Susan had no idea. What was she doing here? She wasn't a member of his family, that's for sure. In her mind, something was definitely going on between those two. She wasn't sure if that was good for her or not.

_Maybe I should ask him,_ she remarked to herself. Scratch that. _Maybe I should ask him? _Her statement turned into a question as she unsurely asked herself. _But what right have I to do so? Who am I, after all? In paper I'm just his mistress. It won't make any difference with her present or not. _

When she awoke that morning he wasn't there. He must have gone away for something, but he did leave a note saying he'll be back. So she just did her usual morning routine; a bath, breakfast.

It seemed that Victoria was gone too. Something in her heart told her that he was with her, but she didn't know. For all she knew, she could be hunting with the family. _Jealous? _She quickly scolded herself. _What the hell are you talking about, _she said, _you have no reason to be jealous. Shit. You've bought it all. You've bought this lie that you've been living for the sake of his aunt and family. It was supposed to be pretend-in-love, Susan. Stupid._

That was pretty much what was going on. She debated herself in her mind. And it had no end, so it seemed.

She was about to put the first bite of her breakfast into her mouth when she suddenly saw him, running towards the house. She could make out his figure in between the drops of rain. At first it was a jog, but as he approached the house his jog turned into a sprint, as if he was telling himself to go faster and faster. And he was.

"Your Majesty?" she said after the door to the house opened violently and in came Caspian, sweaty and wet from the rain, looking for something, desperately searching for something. He was panting, and as soon as he heard her voice, he turned his head to her and walked over to her. He stood before her, looking at her in a way that scared her.

She recognized that look in his eyes. It was the same one that he gave her the first night she came to his chambers. An easy kill.  
He was out of breath, and he only stood there as he looked at her, chest up and down from panting.

Suddenly he lifted her into his arms and brought her upstairs, into their room and pushed her body down roughly to their bed. He took the glass of wine they had in their room and filled it up to the brim from the pitcher next to it before forcing her to chug it down.

"Drink," his hand was on her jaw, and his other hand tilting the glass roughly to make her finish it. Susan didn't see that coming, and she tried to slow him down, but it was no use, of course. He didn't give her a chance to breathe, and that caused her to vigorously gasp for air when the glass was finished and he went to refill it. The same thing repeated itself, he was forcing her to get drunk and she didn't have any say in it.

When she was finished with her second glass, Caspian threw away the glass and pushed her back, forcefully opening her dress and her corset, ripping her under dress. He took off his own clothes and began kissing her neck, hurriedly leaving trails of kisses all over her skin as his fingers played with her. He bit the tips of her breast and she let out a small yelp, not seeing it coming. He moved roughly and hurriedly, not caring for her panting and caught breaths. He turned her so that she lied on her stomach.

Everything else was completely shut off of his mind. All he could see was her pale bottom, the way she kept her thighs together, and he didn't realize what he was doing. He didn't hear her cries of pain as he pumped mercilessly inside of her, pushing and pulling. He didn't see the way she grabbed the bed sheets in front of her, roughly and tightly pulling them into her fist. It all didn't matter to him. In his mind, it wasn't her under him now.

He turned her back and pushed, hanging on to her bent knees. Still he didn't hear anything. It was as if the world grew silent, and all that was left was his mind. He blocked the whole world out.

He positioned her on top of him, and she pushed, her breasts bouncing as she did so.

"Faster," he said, and she did so as she closed her eyes and she grew breathy. What did Victoria say earlier? Can it be true? Was he falling in love? No, of course not. The reason he brought her here was to give his aunt and his family some peace of mind, right? But pretending to be in love for the past few days, he didn't realize it was pretend at all.

"Fuck, faster!" he said again, and she shut her eyes closed as if it could be any more so. The bed creaked with their movements. Sweat was seen on him and her forehead, forming also on her neck. In his mind, it wasn't her. It wasn't.

"Caspian,"

That did it.  
His name. No one would've called him by that name in this family. But it wasn't her that he pictured. It wasn't Victoria either. Maybe it didn't matter. Maybe to him it was of no importance who this woman on top of him now is. That gave him a sense of estrangement, an uncomfortable edge of realization that whoever he had this type of intercourse with doesn't bother him, he doesn't care for it. He used to.

He opened his eyes and saw who it was. Her pale, sweaty skin touched his as she lied on top of him, her body giving out, still straddling him but not separated by distance anymore. Her breasts on his chest, her hair was dark chocolate, her lips pink and full, freckles on her face as she panted heavily. And when she opened her eyes, Caspian was taken aback by her blue orbs.

Susan Pevensie. That's who he was with.  
And then a sense of relief came over him, but he wondered why that is. Why was he relieved? Why was he suddenly..comforted now that he know it was her? Would he feel this way if it was another?

For now it didn't matter, because he felt safe in her arms.  
Suddenly it dawned on him that while he did feel secure in her embrace, she wouldn't be safe at all.

He didn't know what to think, or what to reply with other than the thing that was now so clear to him. It was always clear, and he had thought that things would always work, would go without saying, but now it isn't. He saw the smile she had on her face. A kind smile. She was falling in love, and worse; he was too.

"That's _Your Majesty_, to you," he said coldly. He then stood up and left.

* * *

Dinner the next day was the first meal she had with another human being since what happened at breakfast yesterday. The dinner that night she went through alone. She had no idea where he went, but she knew that Victoria left. Her bags were gone. But he left too, and she didn't know anything about it. _So much for protection, _she said again in her mind.

She wasn't sure if she was allowed to be angry. _Angry? _She laughed at herself, _good luck being angry to the King of Narnia, silly stupid girl. Who are you to be angry with him? _ And it went on like that for the whole of yesterday and today. She didn't understand what he wanted. Wasn't it him that told her to loosen up around him? Him that told her to be less uptight? Him that wanted her to call him by his name? _What the fuck does he want,_ she asked herself, but then it would return to her scolding herself for the thought of being angry with the King.

Anne has retired to her bedroom, and Collin and Jane were in their own house. The youngsters stayed up for stories and just being young; stayed up late, enjoying a smoke. Anton and Jasmine had also retired to their bedrooms; Anton to sleep, Jasmine to share stories with her mother.

"..and finally Gavin shot it!"  
"The groom always end up shooting it, like Graham did for me," Renee said, "I think it's absolutely wonderful,"  
"Yes, it can't be a coincidence," Adelaide said with a wide smile. She then cleared her thought.

"Now, Susan," she said, "what did you and Nicholas do all day yesterday?" and everyone grew silent with a cheeky smile on their face. Susan looked up from the floor and instantly her face grew red.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," she answered, but it seemed like a question to test if her answer was right.  
They laughed. Caspian didn't. He sat beside her, silent and statuesque. His expression didn't change at all from his usual serious face, as if he wasn't hearing anything.

"You jest, Susan," Adelaide said, "everyone in the room are experienced in this, come now don't be shy,"  
"Yeah," Graham said, "it'll be like..sharing with your family,"

She could feel him tense up hearing that last word.  
"Yeah, a simple story to share with your family," Gavin added.  
She hissed silently. _Stop using that word. _

"How long have the two of you known each other anyway?"  
"Two months," she answered quickly.  
"Well. We'll want to see a wedding in here soon though," Adelaide said.  
"Addie, yours is the day after tomorrow,"  
"Oh but everyone loves weddings. The more the better,"  
"So when will you two get married, eh?" Renee asked.  
"Yeah, I think a wedding will be proper," Graham added.  
"Can you even imagine how excited Anne will be if it happens?"

The rest of the room agreed loudly that Anne will be happy.  
Susan smiled nervously but as genuine as she could. She could feel him tensing up, the more talk of marriage, the tenser he became.

"How has he been treating you Susan? Not badly I hope? Our dear Nicholas isn't capable of anything evil,"  
"Yes, of course, no evil," she said. She wasn't sure what she was heading into.

"So I take it things are going pretty well for you two?"  
"Yes it is," she answered again. Strangely no one seemed to realize that Caspian was quite silent.  
"So Victoria was a former love?" she asked the room. They all laughed and whistled.

"Love, lover, whatever you call it," Adelaide said, "I'm glad she left, though,"  
"Yes, so am I," Graham said, "I don't like her at all. Too conniving,"  
"That's very perceptive of you, bunny," Renee said to her husband, "but I have to agree. I don't like her hanging around this family,"  
"I didn't even know she was coming," Adelaide said, "Gav did you invite her?"

"No, I did," Caspian suddenly said. All eyes turned to him.  
"You did?" Renee asked him.  
"Yes," he answered, his expression not changing still, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize you don't like her,"  
"Oh God, Nicholas!" Adelaide exclaimed, "of course we like her! Now that you're still friends with her, we like her,"  
"Yes, what she said!" Gavin said and Graham agreed.

"I wanted to introduce her to you," he said as he turned his head and looked at Susan.  
"Me?" she asked him, "you had a sort of..fling with her?"  
"Yes," he answered her, and then he took her hand, "but all of that doesn't matter now," he kissed the back of her palms.

The oohs and ahs from the rest of them went by unheard, at first. She blushed at the smile and at the cheers from his cousins, but quickly it subsided as she realized, remembered that this was pretend. This was how she was supposed to act from the moment they got here.

"I think it's time for bed," he said, "shall we?" he asked her. Susan stood up and he let her lead the way out of the room.  
"Goodnight, everyone," she smiled warmly as she took a last look at his family and exited the room. They all said a warm goodbye and continued their laughter and chat.

Outside the room, nothing felt the same. She felt like she was being cornered. He didn't say anything, of course. And it didn't look like he planned to say anything at all. His silence made her nervous. She was like walking on knives; press too hard and get stabbed. She didn't know where to turn, when to go straight. All she had was instinct on how to handle their situation, and that basically meant she didn't have anything to go by at all.

They both went up the stairs and entered their rooms. She sat on their bed and said nothing.

"Wine?" he offered her as he poured himself a glass.  
"No, thank you," she answered.

The two of them bathed, separately, and spent time inside the same room but apart. She showered first, and then she sat by the vanity to comb her hair while he bathed, and when he finished, she finished.  
They both lied in bed, side by side, eyes wide open. The cool night air made the blanket felt nice to the touch of their bare toes. Both said nothing. The laughter downstairs had subsided an hour ago, and a half hour ago the sounds of his cousins' bedrooms opening and closing was heard.

Now, everyone was asleep. No sound, no lights, nothing. Just the two of them and the cool air.

It was clear to her why she wasn't able to sleep. But why was _he _awake too? In her mind, it couldn't be anything than the fact that maybe he had a lot to think about. Did he? Could it be the same thing she was thinking of? _Of course not, _she said to herself.

"You must understand," he suddenly said, and she turned her head to look at him. "I'm doing this for your safety,"  
"My..safety?" she didn't understand.  
"It would be better for the two of us not to be close with each other, outside of what we are required to do,"

She truly didn't understand anything about what was being said right now. Correction, she did understand, but a part of her didn't want to.

"So from now on that is how we are going to be," he said. "It was a mistake bringing you here. I'm sorry,"  
She made no reply.  
"Why?" she asked him. "Why are you suddenly like this again?"  
"Because I now know what I have to do, and that is only to keep you safe until our baby comes, nothing more,"  
"You said you wanted me to be less uptight,"  
"I want an heir to my throne, nothing more," he answered, his voice louder now, "and you should know when to stop talking back to your king,"

She quieted down after that.  
"I'm sorry, Your Majesty," her voice was quiet. And then it was back to sheer, pure silence between them.

So this was how things were going to go. Maybe she should make peace with this, even though in her heart she knew this wasn't how she wanted to be treated, and she also knew that this wasn't how kings treat their mistresses, but he was different. And so she would be, too.

"Susan," he said to her, his voice serious and somewhat pleading. She looked at him. "Whatever you do, do not fall in love with me," he said.  
Susan couldn't reply. The only thing that surfaced on her mind is to deny it quickly, to say that she wasn't in love, nor was she going to. But then something in her told her that it would be a lie. She would be lying. Because while she never acknowledged her feelings for him, being with him was pleasant. She enjoyed his company, enjoyed his presence with her for the past couple of days. Be it pretend or not, she didn't care because she didn't know the line between fake and real anymore. No, she couldn't say out loud that she wasn't in love, because for the first time, she realized that maybe she was.

"Do you understand me?" he asked again. Susan had no choice but to answer yes.  
"Good," he said after she made her answer.


	12. Or I Will Make You

**Hey guys! Yes I know I've been a bad writer and been having some writer's block this past few...days? Or was it weeks? Anyway, here's a brand new chapter and after this, you'll all see what's really the problem. Also I'm exploring Susan's selfishness a little bit more, I hope you all don't misunderstand her. RnR everyone! :)**

**I own nothing. **

* * *

"Nick," Renee said as she walked and stood on his side with a glass of punch in her hand, "why aren't you with Susan?" she asked, a grin on her face as they both looked on to the simple grandeur of Adelaide's and Gavin's wedding. It was on full swing; dancing, music, food and chatter.

"She went to the kitchen, I think," he lied. He didn't know where she was. He tried not to care.  
"No, no," Renee said, "she's right over there,"

Caspian looked at the direction his cousin pointed.  
"You know that man?" Renee asked him.  
"No, I don't think I do," he answered. She was dancing with the blonde-haired man, black tunic and black shirt, a smile on his face and Susan's smile accompanying their dance. He whispered something in her ear and she laughed aloud.

"Excuse me," Caspian said before leaving to walk to their direction.

It had been a full day since last night. She hadn't said anything. While that may be dominantly because he didn't talk to her at all, he knew exactly what caused her silence. And he was right. He was right. She was in love with him. That's why she silenced. A person who's not in love and told not to would laugh, laugh at his narcissism or vanity to even think that he/she would fall in love with him/her, but Susan didn't. She silenced. And now, she's with another man. The two of them were laughing. And he didn't like it. When he got to the two of them, the man quickly bowed down and left Susan after a nod between them.

"A word," he said, and he quickly left the wedding area, expecting Susan to follow. And she did.

They went through the dancing and laughing crowd, all very cheerful and very happy to attend Adelaide and Gavin's wedding. Of all the people in the room it was only the two of them who weren't smiling, and with each step they took away from the scene, he was angrier and she was quieter.

Caspian lead them to their bedroom and he waited for her to enter the room before closing it behind them, and locking it.

Susan turned around to face him, overly thinking about that locked door.  
The room was completely dark. The only source of light was the open window in front of their bed, which let in the light from the moon. But everything else was cold and dark.

"Who was that man?" he asked her, his voice cold and his hands fisted hard.  
"That's..none-none of your concern—"  
"I hope you are not forgetting what your duty is to _me,"_ he said.  
"You said I can't fall in love with you. I'm not. And what's the point anyway? You obviously can have any woman you want, why can't I have men that I want?"  
"You are the king's _mistress._ If I ever find you, if _anybody _ever finds you with another man, it is considered treason, do you understand?"  
Susan's timid look slowly faded.

"Are you threatening me?" she asked him, and he was taken aback by her tone.  
"If there is a man who is able to threaten, it's me," he answered, "and yes. I am threatening you," he turned around to leave.  
"No," she suddenly said.

Caspian stopped his steps and turned around.  
"What did you say?" he asked, eyebrows furrowed and eyes squinted.  
"I will not be threatened by you," she answered him, "or anyone else. You are a merciless coward who is afraid of love, a foolish man afraid of feelings,"  
He quickly stepped forward and slapped her cheek with all his might. She went down from her stance and was to the ground from his blow.

"Go on! Hit me again! I'm not afraid of—"  
Another hard slap landed on her cheek, and her head was thrown to her right from it. He was squatting down in front of her now.  
"Go on Caspian. Hit me!"  
He slapped her again in the same cheek now, and this time it was harder than before. She looked like she was about to talk back again, and so Caspian once again slapped her. Every blow landed with a loud thud, not the treble a slap should produce. His palm was big on her face, and he wasn't afraid to hurt her.  
"Hit me! Come on!" she said.  
Another blow.  
"Harder!"  
And another.  
"Harder!"  
And he once again hit her on her face with his open palm, and like before, her head was thrown to the side.  
Suddenly the floor below her was dripped with blood that came out from her nose. She instinctively put her index finger on the blood above her lips, and her fingers were covered in blood after that.

"I've hurt you," he said.  
There was no anger in his voice, nor was there any trace of his cruelty left. There was sadness, and there was pain in his voice now. And Susan, after seeing that, slowly eased. She realized that there was a reason he was being like this. A reason she didn't understand.  
"It's just blood," she said after silence for a while.

The two of them then stayed silent for a while more after that. They each thought to themselves, and a million things ran through their minds. Why was he being like this? Why was she being like this? What should she do? What should he do? What should they do? What will he do?

"Tomorrow morning, we leave for the castle," he said, "and I pardon your behavior now. But when we get to the castle, everything will change,"  
Susan understood exactly how it will change.  
"And I will no longer act like I am in love," he said again. Susan looked down to her lap.  
"You need to stop, too," he once again said, not facing her. She turned her head to look at him.  
"I'm not in love with you, you know," she said to him.

He laughed bitterly and stood up.  
"Yeah," he said as he went for the door, and it shut behind him. 

* * *

The road back to the castle was bumpy and uncomfortable, but they both were thinking non-stop in their own carriages. Susan was determined to show him that she wasn't in love. That's the only way she'll be able to keep her position, her lifestyle now. If she loses this, she would be returned to her house, her old life, the life she felt she's outgrown. And maybe she has. The more time she spends away from her home, the more she grows, and the more her old house doesn't fit her anymore.

They arrived at the castle around in the evening the next day, and she was helped out by the footman, while Caspian went straight inside and she hadn't seen him since. There was a welcoming party tonight, and everyone was getting ready for it. Susan still turned her mind upside down to find a way to prove to him that she isn't in love. But how? She didn't know yet.  
She went into her bedroom and closed the door behind her. She walked to her bed, ready for a good nap when suddenly she found something on it. A box, and when opened, it was a dress.

From Caspian, no doubt. To be worn for this evening's party, of course. And she did take a nap after putting the dress aside.  
She woke up from her nap with a fresh mind. And it couldn't have been more perfect.  
First she looked at the dress he got for her. Its closed and conservative model was no doubt his way to get men off her. It's funny how he doesn't want her to fall in love with him but still keep her to himself by closing her off from other men. She took the dress and looked at it long and hard. And when she finally entered the ballroom, all eyes were on her.

The deep red dress he got for her was barely recognizable. The sleeves were cut off, the neckline cut lower, the waist cinched tighter and the bodice too. One would still know it was the same dress he got for her had one seen it. The diamonds on it were still there, the colour wasn't changed at all, and the lace detail on the back of it was still the same.  
She walked into the ballroom with flair and class and newfound confidence.

Caspian was talking to his guests when he realized she just entered the room, and he couldn't speak when he saw her. Her hair, chocolate brown curls were decorated with pins of golden sun-shapes, a small necklace on her neck and pearl earrings on her lobes. Her lips, a blushing pink shade were full and curved into a smile. Her eyes were blue and her stare sharper. As if she was renewed. Caspian hadn't seen this side of her before.

"That is the Lady Susan, My King?" a guest asked.  
"Why, she is beautiful Your Grace!" another said. Susan was greeted by a lot of men. Seeing this, a sudden feeling of jealousy surfaced in Caspian's heart. His cheeks were boiling and his heart thudded louder and faster, his whole being quickly washed over by jealousy and hatred for any man who was even smiling at her. She drank glasses of wine and was smiling uncontrollably.  
"Excuse me," he said, his voice low as he left the party he was in and walked over to her, in the middle of the room where everyone was staring, even though the loud music was still playing and there were people dancing. And the part that nagged at him so was the fact that she knew everyone was staring. And he knew that. He knew she knew everyone and especially every man in the room were admiring her beauty if not admiring her skin. And that annoyed him so. He walked over to her and stood beside her.

"Your Majesty," she smiled, wider than usual when she saw him, and she bowed.  
"I see you don't like my gift," he said as he scanned her from up to bottom.  
"Oh, I like it just fine, Your Majesty," she answered, "it's just that I think you'll like me better in it this way," she said, her voice low as she took a step to him and pressed her chest to him.  
"I think you've had too much to drink," he said as he held her hand on his chest, "dance with me,"  
"No, thank you," she said, tipsy, "I'd rather dance with men I can love," she answered him and he suddenly pulls her to him roughly.  
"Your king commands you to dance with him," he said as he took her hand. She pulls it away and smiled at him.  
"Why don't you come over to my room tonight," she said, and her mouth spread into a smile, "and we'll dance then,"  
"Behave, Susan," he said, "remember what I said to you,"  
"Pish posh," she mumbled, "I'm not in love with you, and I'll prove it," she said as she walked away.  
"Susan," he called her.  
"I'm not in love with you, Your Majesty," she said again as she smiled, "come to my room tonight and you'll see,"

* * *

When the party had subsided and everyone was either asleep or too drunk to realize anything, the sober king went up to the far wing of the castle and walked up to his mistress's room. He didn't know if what he did was making her this way, or was it the stress of palace life. _No, it couldn't be the latter, _he said to himself. He was still sure that she was bought by his façade over the past few days for Adelaide's wedding. Maybe he was over confident. After all, what was it about him that could possibly make her fall in love with him? But he could see clearly that she did buy his façade. And that will ruin her, him and the whole of Narnia. Because this wasn't just about him, nor was it just about producing heirs and about her. _No,_ he quickly stopped himself from thinking about that. He stopped in front of her room and shook his head, promising to himself to not think about _that_ for at least tonight. And then he walked in.  
She was with someone. She straddled the man below her and when he walked in, that man looked up and was scared to death before trying frantically to get up. Once he did, he bowed down to Caspian over and over.  
"Forgive me Your Majesty! Please, forgive me! I beg of you, forgive me!" he said again and again.

Caspian only stood in front of the door and he looked at Susan, who was sitting on the bed, dress messy and hair also messy, smiling. He looked to the floor and then at the man, who was still trying to beg him for forgiveness.

"Leave," he said, and the man quickly ran out of the room. And then there were two.  
He stayed silent as he looked at her, still smiling. And she wasn't smiling because she didn't realize what she was doing. On the contrary, she smiled because she did realize. And she was happy.

"I hope you are aware of what you are doing," he said to her.  
"What? You jealous?" she asked him, leaning back.  
"Fuck," he said. He walked to her. "You think this is some kind of game?" he asked.  
"I don't know what this is," she answered.  
"This isn't child play!" he shouted, "you think by having sex with another man means you aren't getting your feelings involved here? That is exactly what I forbid!"  
"You forbid me from having feelings for you?" she asked, angry.  
"I am your king!"  
"Any king cannot make me not love you!"

He couldn't answer then. That hit him. _Shit, _he thought to himself.

"So you are in love," he remarked.  
"I saw who you really are at your aunt's," she said to him, "I fell in love with that man, with you,"  
"That man doesn't exist, Susan,"  
"Yes he does!" she stood up and walked over to him, "yes, he does, I know he does. What have you done to him? What have you done?" she tried to kiss him, but Caspian quickly avoided her touch. He took a step back and struck her face, hard. Susan was thrown to the ground from his blow.

"Don't you understand that I am dangerous?" he was shouting now, emphasizing the word one by one.  
"You're the King of Narnia!" she said, "you're invincible!"  
"I am a victim!" he shouted, "I am a target! And one, just one indication that _any _person that is around me carries feelings for me like _love, _that person is endangered too!" he yelled at her.  
"A target?"  
"So can't you see that I'm not good for you?" he said again, "and you must do your duty, to bear me an heir, and then we'll all be free,"  
"A target?" she asked again, not understanding. He shook his head to himself, closing his eyes.

"People mustn't know, Susan," he said, "they mustn't have the _slightest _reason to believe that we are involved in anything more than sex,"  
"But why?" she asked, pleading, "tell me why, Caspian, please," she said.  
Another hard slap landed on her face.  
"I told you to call me Your Majesty!" he shouted at her. Susan instinctively placed a hand on her cheek, feeling the heat of his slap and the blood that surfaced beneath her cheeks.

"..Your Majesty.." she said, "if you want sex, then I will give it to you," she said to him, "I will give you everything of me! But you cannot dictate my feelings," she shook her head. "I am in love with the King,"

Caspian took a step back. He knew. He knew all along. It was a mistake to bring her to his aunt's.

"You must grow out of your love," he said.  
"I can't,"  
"You must find a way to fall out of love," he said again, "or I will make you,"

Caspian then looked at her for one last time before leaving the room.


	13. Caspian Lies to His Council

**A little sneak peak at what's going on in Caspian's mind! The problem is getting bigger and bigger by the chapter guys. For those of you who were wondering, I plan on making this story around 30 chapters or so. Don't forget to tell me what you think guys! :)**

**I own nothing. **

* * *

"I'm sorry, Mistress Susan,"

The guard put down his sword and spoke to her in a gentle tone, "the King requests to be undisturbed,"  
Susan looked at the man in front of her who was blocking her way in.

"Undisturbed?" she asked, "by his mistress?"  
"He says to not let anyone in, madam," he said again. He had an apologetic look on his face, because he knew she wasn't going to do any harm, as if he felt bad for him.

"Do you really think I would be a disturbance?" she said, raising her eyebrows to him, "come on, Phillipe,"  
"King's orders, Mistress Susan, I am so sorry,"  
"Yes, Mistress Susan, it is the King's request," the other guard said.  
"Juan, you too?" she asked, "you guys are being very boring,"  
"We are..terribly sorry,"  
"But ever since the incident 7 years ago, security in the castle is of the outmost importance, especially the King's,"  
"I understand that, but can't you find a way to let me in? I mean, you guys know I wouldn't hurt him,"  
"We do, madam," Juan answered, "but we really cannot disobey the King's orders,"

Susan stood there in silence, pursed her lips as she thought of what to do.

Meanwhile inside the King's chamber, the King of Narnia was still lying in bed. He was up reading the morning reports, and the curtains that were opened allowed the morning sunlight to hit him and his reading material. It was his morning routine to read letters and more personal agreements, reports, things that he personally made deals about rather than the council. For example, the receipts for a new emerald ring for Susan. And a reply for a letter he sent to his aunt about the holiday in Archenland.

Caspian closed the letter after reading it and wrote a reply before checking his other letters. One caught his eye this morning.

He opened it and read it carefully, his heart beating faster as he went through each word. It was like waiting for your life to be taken away suddenly, with your killer unseen. On the bottom of the letter, it was signed with a signature that he recognized very well, a signature he had come to hate.

"No please Mistress Susan you can't—"

Caspian lifted up his head and there stood Susan, in a light yellow dress with her hair let loose and pulled back from her face, and his two chamber guards behind her, apologetic and afraid.

"I believe when you said disturbance, you don't mean me?" she said to him.  
"The Mistress Susan, Your Majesty," Phillipe said, "we've told her of your request, but she wouldn't listen,"

Caspian tidied up the letters and put them on the nightstand beside him as he said, "leave us,"

The guards bowed down and left.

Susan stood there, eyes on him and his on hers.  
"I didn't request your presence this morning," he said.  
"I know," she answered, "and I don't need your request,"  
"And what are you doing here then?" he asked, a slight, snobby smile on his face, "you've come for sex?"

She raised her eyebrows.  
"No," she said, "I've come to apologize for last week. It was unattractive, and also untrue,"  
"What is?" he asked.  
"I told you I was in love," she said, "and I'm not,"  
"Aha," he smiled, "right,"  
"Don't make fun of me. I'm not. It was a spur of the moment," she said.  
"Hmm," he muttered, a silly smile on his face, "I understand,"  
"Good. Then I've come to bring you this,"

She gestured to the thing that she carried in her hands, and he only noticed it now. It was a tray of food, breads and cheese and lemon water, cold meats and eggs. She walked over to him and he laughed.

"Breakfast?" he asked.  
"You should appreciate my kindness, Your Majesty," she said, "not many mistresses do this for their kings,"  
"And there's a reason for that," he said, "unnecessary affections can end in beheading,"  
"You think I'm trying to make you fall in love with me by bringing your breakfast?" she asked him.  
"That, or you're trying to poison me," he answered her, "either way, you can take them back with you. I'm not eating,"  
"You are," she said, "eating. Because you haven't eaten your dinners and barely your lunches and breakfasts for a week, so yes. You are eating,"  
"Or what?"  
"Just!" she said as she placed the tray on the bed, "just eat, alright,"

He didn't move.

"Come on don't be nasty. You need to eat if you want to be able to have babies. And you not calling for me for a week isn't helping, either," she said.

"Aah," he replied, "so this is what it's about," he said to her as he got out of the bed.  
"Heirs? Yes. That's my duty to you, after all," she replied him as she took a piece of bread and ate it herself.

He bent over slightly and only drank the water that was there before leaning in to Susan.

"I'm not eating," he said, "so you can take this with you and leave,"  
"Why are you not?" she asked, "I can get something different for you, you know. Something more..Narnian?"  
"Very mature and not at all racist, Mistress Susan," he said as he got up, "but sadly no. I have a council meeting in three minutes, so you're free to leave,"  
He walked to the bathroom. And when he came out of the bathroom she already left. The tray of breakfast was left on his bed. He didn't touch it.

* * *

"No," he said firmly, "I refuse to believe that,"  
"Sopespian II son just had a baby, Your Majesty. A son. His father's death isn't slowing him down. He isn't shy to show his willingness to usurp the throne. It is our best option at this point, Your Majesty,"  
"We can't afford to believe that," Gyrron agreed, "no blood,"  
"Maybe if they all are evacuated? Random people, with a span of time between groups and varying destinations,"  
"They'll know if the lords are missing,"  
"An outside attack,"

They were listening now.  
"The Telmarine Castle. Everyone will be evacuated in groups like we discussed. With a time span, random, between groups."  
"Yes Your Majesty,"  
"Meanwhile, we all evacuate to the Castle of Telmar. Right now Cair is their main target. And they will come here. They want my throne, after all. And Sopespian isn't shy on killing, either. Make the castle look alive, light the torches and everything. They will come here. And when they find out we aren't here, they will come to the Castle of Telmar, where we'll be more than ready for them,"  
"Why not attack here, Your Majesty? They don't have enough troops, nowhere near enough weapons," Gyrron asked.

Damn it. This was the question he was afraid of.

"I don't want any noble in Cair Paravel at that time, do you all understand, gentlemen? Not a single soul,"  
"Yes Your Majesty," everyone answered in agreement.  
"Double up the trainings and recruit some new men for guards. We'll need them. For now, ready your families. Dismissed for today,"

They all left. And his plan worked perfectly. They didn't suspect a thing.

Caspian didn't feel good doing this, but it had to be done. He didn't have time to think about this, about his own well being. Right now what's important was doing what needed to be done, not thinking about what ought to be.

"Your Majesty," Gyrron called him in the hallways. Caspian turned around.  
"I need your approval for the griffins leaving tonight,"  
"Yes," Caspian said, "the sooner the better. And what about the centaurs?"  
"Coming back tomorrow, Your Majesty. They've sent word,"  
"Right on schedule. Thank you, uncle,"  
"Caspian," Gyrron called his nephew by his name, and Caspian knew this was something else.

"The lords are all asking. We need an heir, fast," he said, "without an heir your throne is all the more weaker for the taking,"  
"I understand," Caspian said, and he did understand. "I will get to it,"  
"Today. Now, nephew. No time to lose. Gregoire II is to be christened next month. If you don't have an heir by then, the coup,"  
"I am aware," Caspian replied kindly. Gyrron just doesn't understand how complicated this all were for him and his mistress. "I think she's in love,"  
Gyrron's eyes widened.  
"Susan? Are you sure?" he asked.  
"Dominantly," Caspian answered.  
"You wish to change her for another?" Gyrron asked. At that moment Susan appeared in the end of the hall and talked with a centaur guard with smiles on her face, cheerfully chatting with the castle's quietest guard.

"Too late for that now," he replied, "she's one of us. Sending her out will endanger her life,"  
"And that saddens you?"  
"She's my subject before my lover," Caspian said to his uncle.  
Gyrron placed a hand on his nephew's shoulder.  
"This all will pass, nephew. I am saying that we can still win this. We can still win the war. Sopespian II doesn't have enough army. And we have support from Archenland and Aadhi. And if we do win the war, would you want her as you think she wants you now? Because maybe she's someone worth keeping if one is able,"

Caspian looked at the woman talking at the end of the hall as he lingered on his uncle's words. How they were very untrue. There was no way they would win this. And Caspian was the only one who knew.

"It wouldn't hurt to take a wife," he said as he walked away. Caspian once again looked at the woman standing with the centaur. A smile on her face, her voluptuous waves of chocolate hair fell on her back to her waist, a burgundy dress on her figure.

Caspian knew he lied to his whole council. But it needed to be done. And after all of this is over, they'll be safe. And even though Sopespian isn't a threat (he just made the council believe that he was), Caspian did need an heir for his real problem, the one no one knew about. He needed an heir, fast. And Susan wasn't pregnant. And she was in love with him.  
Suddenly Susan looked to her side and saw him looking at her there. She paused for a moment and their eyes locked before she smiled at him.

Caspian walked away.

* * *

"Mistress Susan of Lantern Waste,"  
All of the lords stood up with smiles on their faces, smiles that (in Caspian's judgment) were too wide. He didn't stand up. He sat still as Susan took the seat beside him.

"Thank you, Lord Gyrron," she smiled after he pulled the chair for her. Caspian looked at the scene and drank his wine.

"You sure have a way with my uncles," he said to her quietly as they all began eating. She didn't answer.  
"Oh so this is how it's going to be?" he asked her, raising his eyebrows.  
"I don't know, why don't you tell me how it's going to be?" she asked as she cut the meat on her plate.  
He laughed a little.  
"A little feisty to answer your King," he said, "adjust the attitude please,"  
"Fuck you Caspian,"  
"No, I'd rather do it with you," he answered, not thinking about it at all as he chewed a bite of his dinner, "just because I can,"

She didn't answer then. She busied herself by talking to the lord beside her.  
"Lord Gyrron," she said, a little loudly so Caspian could hear, "I understand you are quite a master at archery?" she faked a smile.  
"Don't be so sure, Mistress Susan,"  
"Ah he's just being modest," Lyrn said, "the best in the entire force,"  
"Really?" now her smile wasn't fake, "then might I interest you in a friendly competition tomorrow?"

All the lords silenced. And she could feel the sudden change of air. Caspian happily continued eating.  
"Have I said something wrong?" she asked.  
"Women don't usually hold arms, Mistress Susan," Lyrn said.  
"Not usually, but I'm not one of the usuals, am I?" she asked rhetorically, smiling, "so what do you say, Lord Gyrron?"  
Gyrron was about to answer when the King cut in.  
"Nonsense, you'll duel with me,"

Everyone's head turned to the King, who was still busy eating.  
"Your Grace?" they weren't sure they heard right. Caspian looked up at the unsure stares of the lords.  
"Mistress Susan wants a duel," he said, "a duel she shall get. With the king," he smiled. Susan was surprised.  
"You're sure?" she asked him, quieter.  
"Of course I'm sure," he answered, "why wouldn't I be?" he asked back, then continued eating.  
"To the Mistress and the King, then!" Gyrron said happily as he raised his goblet, followed by the rest of the lords.

Susan looked at the man sitting next to him. What was he doing? She wasn't sure of it herself.  
"Your Majesty!" Lyrn exclaimed, "We are all expecting the happy news of the heir to the throne any moment now,"  
He was genuinely happy. Susan understood now. Lyrn was the cheerful one. And his statement just now made her blush.

"As am I," Caspian said, "should I have one,"  
"The moment the news arrive the whole of Narnia will be secure at last,"

Susan didn't understand. Security?  
Caspian cleared his throat.  
"I don't think this is a subject to talk about in the presence of a lady, uncle," Caspian said, "but I am excited also, for the little ones,"  
"We are, also," Gyrron said. Susan still didn't understand. What were they talking of security? Why did Caspian brush off the subject so quickly?  
"As she is, I believe?" he asked quietly. Susan looked at Caspian and at the slight smile he had on his face. She smiled also.  
"Yes," she said, "yes I am,"  
"I do hope my nephew isn't too hard on you for heirs, Mistress Susan. If he is, you'll have to pardon him. It is a matter of the state also,"  
"Oh yes! And matter of lives," Lyrn said, "the people are at stake,"  
The rest of the table murmured in agreement.  
"Gentlemen," Caspian said as he kept his crooked smile, "I think we are scaring off Mistress Susan now," he paused, "isn't that right, darling?"  
Susan looked at him, unable to figure out what was going on. But she knew her cues.

"One more talk of it and I'm afraid I'll be too scared to be able to conceive a child," she said. Gyrron and the others laughed.  
"Then we'll just keep silent then!" Lyrn laughed.

The rest of dinner Susan was disengaged from the conversation. Caspian noticed.

* * *

Susan sat on her vanity and brushed her hair after she took the pins off them. Dinner was odd. She kept asking in her mind what could the lords mean by securing Narnia. In her mind, it was something more than the usual heir to keep the throne. It sounded more urgent, more pressed, and she had a feeling Caspian was telling his lords something different than what really happened, which was this;  
Ever since they came back from his aunt's for his cousin's wedding, Caspian hadn't called for her in a week. He barely sees her, he barely looks at her and she barely sees him because she wasn't asked for. She knew exactly why that is. No doubt it was because he thought she was in love, and he doesn't want her to be. She was stupid for saying that she was. It was very unattractive. Very..tacky. But was she? In love? She couldn't deny it completely, but to say that she was in love maybe would have been too much. _Maybe it's my fault,_ she thought to herself. Earlier she did sort of say to him that she was. But he must've understand that what she meant was that if she was in love, nothing would stop her rather than her being really in love? Surely he understood, right? _No, stupid girl, of course he doesn't understand, you bloody said it directly that you were,_ she said to herself, and that was why she was determined to prove to him that she wasn't. She's played with another man before, and that didn't work. Thank God Caspian didn't do anything to that poor man, but still, it didn't work. Him not calling for her for the last week wasn't helping her show her not being in love to him.

_Too much thinking,_ she muttered to herself as she stood up and grabbed her shawl before heading out to even her didn't know where. She just walked on.  
She moved through the halls of Cair, her steps on the marbles made it seem quieter. The guards that saw her all bowed down and smiled, greeting her with the occasional mention of her name and title. She smiled back. Some of them she's known, others she hadn't had the privilege of being acquaintance with.

Susan kept on walking and suddenly found herself in the kitchen. Funny how she had made up such a story about slitting wrists to save him. What was going on, she didn't know. And she had the feeling that she wouldn't know, so she's unconsciously letting it go. He won't ever tell her, now that was clear. Caspian sort of lead a different life, a life that was completely cut off from hers. He was different with her, like he didn't bring any sort of the life he had as the King while being with her. He had raped her time and time again. She knew that that was not how he would've treated a woman back before he was captured, but she's making peace with it slowly. Maybe his being held captive did things to him that caused him to be like this; she knew that now. And if that's really the case, Susan wasn't going to give him a hard time.

She decided to finally enter the library. As soon as she entered, she realized it was a bad idea.  
The library was a vast room filled with books and unseen corners. It was near midnight. Susan was a little bit spooked.  
She walked on, trying to keep her mind occupied with the titles of books she's been seeing, but it did her no good. She was still afraid. She debated herself between being an adult and being a coward. Right now being a coward tempted her. She finally chose to leave the room.

"No need to leave in such hurry,"  
"Shit!" she was startled as she turned around. There, from an empty slot in one of the shelves, she could see Caspian sitting behind a table filled with books, occupied. He wore his spectacles, and he looked up slowly, smiling.  
"Shit, sorry, I mean," she paused, breathing, "you scared me,"  
"Did I?" he asked.  
"Yeah," she nodded, hands on her hips, "sorry I uhh, I was just uhh.. I couldn't sleep,"  
"Well you should," he said to her as he continued reading, "it's getting late,"  
"Mmhmm," she said, "I uhh.. well I just uhm.." she was caught off guard, "about the duel tomorrow, you don't have to do it,"  
He looked up at her.  
"If you don't..want to," she cleared her throat.  
"What makes you think I don't want to?" he asked, his voice gentler than usual.  
"Well I mean, you're a busy man," she said, "I wouldn't..want to get in your way,"

He looked at her as a smile spread on his lips, "you're not in my way,"  
She looked at him, smiling, though not understanding what was happening. Why was he so normal?  
"But right now I am working, so.." he trailed off, looking back to book and taking notes. Susan looked at the table he was sitting behind. The book that was opened was an incredibly thick book, and he was halfway through it. He took notes, and it seemed that he'd been taking notes for hours, his parchment went to the floor filled with writings. He had a quill in his right hand, carefully writing down the things he needed to. On top of that, he had at least four books piled up high beside him, and two more opened and scattered on the table. He stifled a yawn and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger, closing his eyes.  
"You know I won't be able to work with you starring at me," he said. It took Susan a moment to figure out what he meant.  
"Oh right," she said, "I'm sorry. I should probably..go,"  
"No," he said to her, "no. Stay, if you want to,"

Susan looked at him, confused. What was he saying?  
"I want to," she said, and she walked to the sofa beside the table as he once again looked back to his book and continued to write, to read. She only watched him work. More books were piled up beside his feet on the floor. She looked at the titles and read it silently. _The Laws of Calormen; A Study into Calormene Constitution. _She wasn't sure she was reading right. Calormen? _Acts of Terror and Killings, A Brief History in Narnian Terrorism, Treachery In Wars. _Suddenly Caspian's hands lifted the books up and out of her sight.

"Pretty unimportant stuff," he said to her.  
"Doesn't seem like it," she answered, "must be hard to be King,"  
"I try my best,"  
"And that's enough," she said, "you're doing a wonderful job,"  
He laughed, "I wouldn't be so sure,"  
"What makes you think that?" she asked genuinely, noticing that there was more to his answer.  
He seemed to think to himself for a moment before finally shaking his head.  
"Never mind," he said, standing up, half-sitting on the table, "you're uhh.. you're not scared of what they said at dinner?"  
"About heirs?" she asked back. He nodded.  
"Not so much scared as curious," she answered, "what did they mean by security?"  
He smiled, "as if it isn't obvious enough? Heirs are often to keep thrones,"  
"Yes I know," she smiled sheepishly, "I was just under the impression that it was something more,"  
"It isn't," he answered.

He looked outside the window behind her, moonshine on his skin. The library was dark, and candles were lit for light, but still relatively dark. She looked at him, at his face, his skin, the soft stubble on his chin and jaw, his hair that came down to just above his shoulders. He had on a night shirt, loose and white, tucked into his black breeches. His sword was with him. Under his eyes were dark circles, his lips pressed together. His neck muscular and his collarbone showing. And at that moment Susan realized. He was sort of handsome.

"Susan," he called her name.  
"Hmm?" she was listening. He pressed his lips together and clenched his teeth.  
"I don't want you, ever, walking out alone from the castle," he said to her, "do you understand?"  
She wondered at his words. Something was definitely going on. That seemed to always be the case with him, that something was going on behind his simple words.  
"Yes," she answered him, not arguing. He looked at her for some time before moving his gaze elsewhere.

"You know you don't have to stop working for me," she said, "you can continue. I'll be here,"  
He smiled, "what makes you think I stopped for you?"  
She was surprised and realized that maybe she was being too cocky. He laughed.  
"I'm joking, I'm joking," he said, sitting back down and continued to work. Susan watched him read and taking notes, endlessly researching for something he clearly hasn't found. Calormen? Terrorism? Maybe it was common for kings to read those kinds of material, but she couldn't help but sense something strange. She didn't realize it, but not long after that, she fell asleep. The morning after, she woke in her bed, tucked neatly with a blanket over her body. It was then she realized that the king had just carried her over to her bedroom without waking her up.

* * *

"I'm sorry Mistress Susan,"  
"We've been over this a hundred times, Phillipe, might as well just let me in,"  
"The King is tending to some matters of state right now, and requests to be undisturbed,"  
"In his bedroom? Please, I am no disturbance. I've come only to bring him breakfast,"

Caspian was inside, last night's unfinished reading opened and scattered around his night stand and on the floor, some closed, some opened, some bookmarked. He lied in his bedroom, reading personal letters as always, and paying for personal bills, and a response letter from his cousin. He didn't feel good today. He knew something would go wrong, just because they had a reason to be.

Last night he was glad she fell asleep quickly. He didn't want her to be suspicious, so he casually let her sit close. The letter he received yesterday morning was a warning to him. He knew something had to be done, so he called the lords and set up a meeting, lie to them about what was going on, all the while giving them a good reason to evacuate their families and eventually themselves to the Castle of Telmar. But no, Gregoire, Sopespian's grandson, wasn't the problem at all. And so last night, after tucking Susan to sleep, he went out to the highest tower at Cair and lit a torch in the dark of night; a signal. An agreement. With someone out there, someone his council didn't know about, the real problem. And his lighting a torch last night was him refusing the deal. Trouble was expected.

"Your Majesty I am very, very sorry!" Phillipe once again said as she burst into the room.  
"It's not your fault, I'm sure," Caspian said as he looked at Susan, not hesitating at all, "you may leave, Phillipe,"  
The guard bowed and exited the room.

"You must lay off that poor man, he's scared for life he might lose his job,"  
"Well then don't make him lose his job," she said as she walked to him and laid the breakfast in front of him.  
"Will you please eat today?"

Almost instantly after her question ended, the door to his bedroom opened suddenly and in came a messenger.  
"An urgent letter from your friend, Your Majesty,"

Caspian opened the letter in one swift motion. Susan looked at him, not expecting an answer to her question anytime soon. There were two sheets of paper in his hands, and from the sunlight she could see some of it transparent from the back. One with very little writing on it, and another one..a drawing?

She saw how his face was suddenly tense.  
"Susan, get out," he said, his tone changed.  
"What happened?"  
"Get out, now," he said again.  
"Caspian—"  
He suddenly threw the breakfast tray to the ground and everything splattered. Food was on the floor now, juices and water splashed to the ground, the cutleries clanged and the plates and glasses, all shattered to pieces.  
"I said get out!" he shouted. Susan stared at him, not believing what just happened, not understanding.  
She left his room.


	14. Public Humiliation

**Hey everyone! Thanks so much to all of you who's reviewed and PMed me! Really appreciate the feedbacks guys. Now I'm currently considering a character depth for Liliandil. This is an AU, so I'm thinking a different Liliandil than the ones we see in the movie or the books. How do you guys think she should be written for this story? Can't wait for your suggestions guys! So please read and review! :)**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

"First group leaves this week, Your Majesty,"  
"Good," Caspian said, "that'll be all for today, thank you, uncle,"  
Gyrron bowed, and he slowly left the throne room. Caspian went back to his notes.  
"Nephew," the lord turned around and continued, "note that what I am about to say isn't only as a member of your council, but also your uncle," he said. Caspian looked at him, not knowing what he was about to say.  
"It has become a predicament," Gyrron started, "and people are starting to talk. Of your not calling for your mistress."  
Caspian eased.  
"Nephew, please," he said again, "I am firstly talking, reminding you that we need an heir, fast. Gregoire is to be christened in three week's time,"  
"Yes I know, uncle, I know," Caspian answered, "and it is on my mind. You know it is. But I can't..I can't do this if she has feelings for me,"  
"Why are you against her having feelings for you?" Gyrron asked. His nephew didn't answer.

"I see," Gyrron said, "well then. Might I suggest a change? It is our only hope. And many are in line to be your mistress, I'm sure we'll have a substitute in no—"  
"No," he said, "no,"  
Caspian seemed to think for a moment. He breathed out loudly.  
"I will handle this, uncle," he said, "tonight,"  
Gyrron pulled back and eased. He didn't know whether to believe it or not, but he didn't have much choice in the matter.  
"I am glad to hear that," he said. And then he left.

Caspian thought to himself about what was going on. He hadn't spoken to her in a week. It has been exactly one week since he threw away that tray of food she brought him. That's because that morning he received a letter, from the person he always thought about, the person who could ruin everything in Narnia. The same person Caspian made a deal with. That person usually sent letters to keep things up to date, but that morning, it wasn't an order, nor was it the usual request of secret reports from him. It was a threat.  
Caspian hadn't reply his last letter, and no doubt it was because of that that he sent the letter to him that morning, along with a sketch. Usually the threats go to him, but that morning, it wasn't for the King.

_My dear Caspian,  
It is to my grave understanding that you've not replied my last letter, which forbids me to think otherwise than of your betrayal. _

_Why start now, dear king? When you've already done so much? When you've already seen so much and agreed to so much?  
But your refusal, should you give it to me, is no less unimportant, for I know someone you've been hiding from me._

A drawing of the diamond choker he gave her was enclosed. It had her initials on them. SP.

_I told you falling in love was a dangerous game for a man of your..agreements, one you cannot win.  
Now, I've not yet been introduced, and I don't have any spies inside your castle as our deal stated, so you might think I wouldn't ever be able to touch her. But then again, how did I know about that choker?  
Rid yourself of your love and do what you promised you would. Or she will have to pay. _

Caspian didn't even try not to think about it. He knew that was impossible. And it would've just been a waste of time. Just when things were going according to his plan. In the designated day, the people would've been protected in the Castle of Telmar, and the lords would all be there too. Everyone would be safe.  
Now, she was endangered. But maybe he wasn't too late yet. He could still save her from ever being endangered, and that required him to only do one thing.

Caspian got up from his throne and walked through the halls of his castle. The guards bowed down and every passing subject greeted their king.

"Have you seen Susan?" he asked one of the centaur.  
"Last I've seen her, Mistress Susan is in the garden, Your Majesty," he answered.  
"Thank you," he said as he hurriedly left for the garden. His steps were quick, walking to the garden of Cair in long strides, hurried strides. He formed in his mind what he had to say, what he wanted to say, what he wanted to do. Specifically, what he needed to say and do to make her feel a certain way.

When he exited the castle building, he saw her. Sitting on one of the benches, reading a book with a red rose tucked behind her ear. Her navy dress was velvet and her hair pulled back into a ponytail. She sat there, an opened book on her lap. And she didn't realize his presence.

He walked to her, not taking his eyes off her and stood next to her. Susan slowly looked up when she realized that a man was beside her.  
"Your Majesty," she said, standing up, hesitant. What was he up to now? He dragged her by her arm and walked inside the castle with Susan trying to keep up with his steps. Everyone passing once again bowed down and acknowledged them, but in their hearts they knew something was wrong.

"Your Majesty, please," Susan said as they entered his room, "you're hurting me,"  
Caspian let go.  
"From now on you are not to step outside the castle," he said, "do you understand?"  
"Your Grace?" she asked, unsure if she heard right.  
"I don't want you in the gardens, or the beach, or wherever that is not where I can see you. And one more thing, from now on you are to sleep here,"  
"Here?" she asked, "what's going on?"  
"I don't need your questions," he answered as he left for the door.  
"No! No, please," she stopped him, "tell me what's going on, Caspian please,"  
"That's Your Majesty, to you!" he shouted at her, "and nothing is going on. This is for your safety,"  
"My safety? Do I have a reason to believe it is endangered at all?"  
"No,"  
"No? Caspian I'm not in any danger of anyone in or outside this castle, except from you!"  
"What did you say to me?" he was angry now. She leaned back. "You think I am the one endangering you? I am the only one here who can save you! You don't know anything! Do you hear me?! You don't know anything!"  
She bolted for the door, but she didn't succeed. He grabbed her by her arm and pulled her close.  
"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, "you're not going anywhere unless I say so,"

He let go of her, and walked out the door.

"She doesn't leave my chamber today!"  
"Yes Your Majesty,"

* * *

She had been in his room for quite some time. It was morning when he first forced her to enter the room, and now it was dark. Dinner had been served, but she hadn't had hers brought to her. She sat on his table near the fireplace, steaming with anger earlier this morning, and as time goes by, the angrier she got. And she didn't understand him at all. In her mind, he was an unstable king who was cruel to her, and her only. She didn't know why. Maybe he just didn't like her.

The door to his room opened and in came the King, in his white shirt, ready for bed, with a tray of food in his hands.  
She turned her face away. She heard the door closed behind him, and she heard his footsteps approaching the room from the hallway that led to it. She still didn't move.  
"Is this how you treat the arrival of Your King?"  
She could hear the sarcastic smile on his voice. Susan didn't move.  
He seemed to be walking around, tidying things up before finally placing the tray on the table in front of her.  
"Eat,"  
"I'm not hungry,"  
"I said eat," he said again, not raising his voice. She sat still, and finally she turned her head and looked at him, standing up beside her.  
"I'm not hungry," she said again, and he only looked at her. At that moment, Susan realized something different was coming over him. The same thing she saw when she was first given the diamond choker from him.

"Alright," he said, suddenly he threw the tray to the ground and everything was splattered, broken, "don't eat then,"  
Susan tried not to be afraid this time. He went to his bed and sat down. "Come here," he said to her.  
"No," she answered. The next thing she heard, rushed footsteps were coming towards her and she was carried to the bed. He sat down before he sat her down on his lap, facing him.  
"No," she said, "please,"  
He didn't pay any attention to her. He went on to open her skirts and pried open her legs, her struggles were a thing so little he didn't even pay attention to it. Susan didn't scream. She tried to keep his hands away from her, but he was too strong.

"No!" she finally said, "no,"  
Caspian stopped for a moment, but Susan knew that he wasn't going to really stop what he was doing. And she saw it in his eyes; a flash of anger, mere seconds of him being blinded by his instincts, and suddenly he had his hand on her neck and squeezed it as if she was merely an apple, easy to squash. She choked for her life, her hands going up and uselessly touching his on her neck, trying with all her might to get it off. As if she could.

"You think you have a say in this? You're wrong," he said, "you will give me what I want, you hear me?!"  
Susan couldn't answer. And for the first few seconds, she couldn't breathe. But suddenly it dawned on her that he wasn't letting go. And then she started to panic.  
"C..Ca…." was all she could manage. At that moment, Susan looked at him and saw who he was now. Nowhere near the King she remembered 7 years ago, that was for sure. He had a look in his eyes that she didn't recognize. It was like he was blinded by another side of him, and he was being eaten alive.  
"You do not reject your king!" he shouted, "do you understand?! You do not reject me!"  
She managed a nod. And by then she was starting to feel faint. Suddenly he let go, and she inhaled a breath like she had never before. She coughed, hand on her throat feeling the heat he left there. And she was on the floor, trying to breathe.  
"Get up," he said, but she couldn't.  
"I said get up!" he said again, grabbing her by her arm and throwing her on the bed now. He bent over her and put his bent elbow beside her head, his head close to hers.  
"I can kill you in a blink of an eye, do you understand?" he said, "I can do anything I want with you, to you, and you will accept it. Do you understand?"  
She nodded. He pulled back. "Now," he said, "strip,"  
And it happened the same way it has happened before; forced. At the end of it, she was broken.  
Caspian was conflicted. And that wasn't how he used to feel. He's grown weak, he noticed that now. She lied beside him, sprawled over the bed, giving up.  
Caspian thought about how he was troubled now. That wasn't how he was supposed to feel.  
"We'll never be more than this," he said, "don't you ever fucking forget that,"

And the night continued. Although none of them slept, neither started a conversation.

* * *

Susan had waited for him to get out of the room. And then she took a bath and dressed up.  
A box caught her eye on the vanity table. A pear encrusted box, with her name written on a piece of paper on top of it. She opened the velvet ribbon and lifted the lid of the box. And there, sitting on a blue velvet lining, an emerald ring.  
She looked at it for a while before closing the box, not touching the ring.

Suddenly the door opened and she looked up.  
"Mistress Susan,"  
It was a guard.  
"His Majesty the King, has asked for your presence in joining him and the lords for breakfast,"  
"Breakfast?"

It was an odd thing. And when she entered the dining hall, the table was filled with all kinds of food and drinks, with Caspian sitting on one end, and the seat next to him was empty. She sat down surrounded with happy greetings from the lords but none from him.

"I'm sorry you didn't get to the duel yesterday," Gyrron said.  
"Today then," Caspian answered, not looking up.  
"Splendid," Lyrn replied, "we'll all be in the field after this then,"

Susan only smiled. Caspian didn't say a word to her. When they were finished, Caspian left first and the lords all stood up, like usual. And she stayed for a while to chat with Gyrron. After that, they all walked different ways in the palace, some to take care of errands and some to ready themselves for watching the duel between the King and his mistress. She walked out of the dining hall and she could feel the sudden change of air. It was quieter, of course, as any room would've seem, after attending a breakfast like that, but she couldn't help but notice it a little more than usual. She brushed it off and continued to walk, when suddenly someone roughly grabbed her by her arm and pulled her to a little corridor.

"Your Majesty.." she said. He held her close to his chest and pushed her to the wall behind her. Susan tried to look around to see if anyone was looking, but he didn't look elsewhere. He looked at her, noticeably shorter than he was. His left arm circled around her waist and his right hand took hers.  
"I see you don't like my gift," he said.  
"Your..gift?" she asked, and then she remembered. The emerald ring.  
"Not to your taste?" he asked her.  
"No..No it's beautiful," she answered him. He didn't reply. Caspian slammed her body to his, his lips close to hers.  
"Nah, I know it's not grand enough for someone like you," he said, "I'll get you something else,"  
His fingers traced up her thigh. Her legs buckled.  
"Listen to me. I want you to scream, to cum for me right here. I want people to know that you're a whore to me and nothing more, you hear me?" he continued. He suddenly stopped at the meeting of her thighs and traced his fingers there. Susan tried so hard to keep her legs closed together, but to even stand up she had to hold on to his arms.  
"Open," he said, and she did. She held on to his neck now, head desperately resting on the wall behind her. He lightly touched her opening with three of his right fingers, lifting her up with his left arm and using his legs for support. Her feet weren't touching the ground anymore. She let out frustrated moans, ones that she didn't intend on having but couldn't help to. He smiled every time she seemed troubled with that.  
"Y..Your Majesty.." she said, trying to lift herself up from him, to get away, "please.."  
"What?" he asked, smiling as he looked at her troubled face. Blood was surfacing to her cheeks, and she was embarrassed. She was humiliated. This meant that he succeeded. "What?" he asked again. She muttered and moaned incoherent words, breathy words that he knew but didn't acknowledge.  
"Please..not here.." she said, and a shock went through her as his hand went into her bloomers and came in direct contact with her. His index and thumb played with her, and she was getting breathier by the second.  
"Come on," he said, "scream for me.."  
"No.." she muttered, "no..don't make me.."  
Caspian smiled. She was having trouble keeping it in. And slowly he picked up the pace.  
"No, no don't.." she muttered again, but it was quickly followed by a breathy moan from her. And he went faster.  
"Come on, scream for me Susan,"  
"No.. Please.." her voice was trembling and noticeably louder than before, "not here, please.."  
"Scream for me, let them know,"

Not too far away from them, they heard a conversation between four nobles. There were people there, and knowing that fact made Susan panic all the more.  
"Caspian, please.." she said. He went faster.  
"Scream, Susan," he said to her, and slowly her resistance subsided. She wasn't able to now. She followed his pace, and even moved her hips to his rhythm. Slowly her low moans became heard ones, one occasionally louder than the others. He went faster, flicking and squeezing and rubbing, abusing her. She suddenly buckled and pulled herself up to his neck, letting out a satisfying scream for Caspian. The chatter from the lords suddenly subsided. He looked at her, wasted now, face flushed and body limp, a thin layer of sweat on her neck.  
"Good girl," he said to her, smiling, satisfied. He then walked away.  
"You know what?" he said again, "maybe a ring wasn't enough. A dress, after this?" he then turned around and walked away. Susan was left there, on the floor, alone, violated.

A good half-hour later, she walked to the field where she was expected.

"Ah, Mistress Susan!" Lyrn exclaimed as soon as he saw her. The field was filled with people, spectators, lords and knights eager to see the duel between the King and his mistress. Susan walked there feeling a little bit sickly, given what just happened. She shut that off from her head completely.  
Lyrn and Gyrron were standing up not too far from Glenstorm. Caspian was also there, a little bit further away from them, busy with his bow and arrow, in his doublet and cotton breeches. He didn't turn around to look at her.

"We're just expecting you, Mistress Susan," Gyrron said.  
"I'm..sorry but I'm feeling a little bit sick," she said.  
"Oh are you? Are you nauseous? Or maybe you caught a cold?"  
"A little bit queasy, my lord, nothing to worry about,"

What Susan really felt was wanting to throw up every time she remembered what happened.  
"What, Mistress Susan?" Caspian suddenly said, "backing out from our duel?"

The lords all turned their head at the king and his tone. Susan stopped her steps.  
"Not unexpected, I daresay, from an uptight mistress," she saw his smirk.  
"My King, she does feel sickly, I suggest the Mistress get some rest,"  
"Yes, we wouldn't want the Mistress to be sick, My Lord," Lyrn added.  
"Oh, yes right," he said, as he put down the bow he had in his hands and walked to her, "no we wouldn't want you unwell. Come now, let's retire," he said.  
"No," she shrugged, and then everyone seemed to be paying attention. He was smiling.  
"You want a duel? I'll give you one to talk about," she said to him under her breath. He closed in on her.  
"I hope you realize that this isn't as serious as you think it is. If you're unwell, well then let's not do the duel that you asked for,"  
"I finish what I start," she replied, "and I'll make you a deal,"  
"A deal?"  
"Yes,"  
"What sort of deal are you talking about?"  
"If you win this duel, you can have me whenever you want,"  
He stayed silent for a moment, "have you?"  
"If I win, you let me go. I won't be your mistress, nothing,"

He continued to look at her before he smiled.  
"And you're confident you'll win?" he asked her.  
"Worth a shot," she answered.  
"Deal," he said, and he walked away.

The lords all took a seat. Glenstorm stood a few steps behind Caspian, and Susan put on her gear.  
"I hope you won't be too disappointed when you lose," he said aloud. Susan only smiled. The lords laughed.  
"Three shots," Caspian said, and Susan nodded. He then went on to shoot his first one.

He anchored the arrow at his mouth and fired the shot. Bulls eye.  
The lords all clapped.  
Caspian looked at the woman standing next to him.  
"Show off," she said, and he laughed.  
She then went on and fired her shot. And like Caspian's, it was a bulls eye. But everyone seemed to be surprised, including the King. He had initially thought that with only one shot he'd scare her away, he'd throw her off. He was certainly wrong.

There was anger in his eyes when she smiled at him, and she wasn't completely surprised, to be honest. And so Caspian went on to shoot the next one, and it was right on target also. But she also did with her second shot. And that didn't make him happy.

"I see you've got this all planned out," he said.  
"I try to keep up," she replied.  
"Well," Gyrron said, "you two are not going to win anything this way. Too easy?"  
"Right," Susan answered, "too easy,"  
"Let's take this to another level then, Mistress Susan," Caspian said, "pick a target,"  
Susan turned her head.  
"You want to change targets?" she asked.  
"Oh, unless..you are too..I don't know, maybe afraid to do that," he teased. She raised her eyebrows and scoffed. Susan looked for a moment before finally setting her decision .  
"Do you see that pinecone?" she gestured to a tree. He looked at it and smiled.  
"No problem," he said as he took his aim.  
"Uhh," she said almost immediately, "that one," she placed her hand on his bow and lifted it up slightly, referring to a pinecone further away than the one he meant. He slowly put down his bow.  
"Are you sure that's not an acorn?" he said, laughing slightly.  
"Too far for you?" she asked, and that's when she saw it again in his eyes. Determination, slight hatred. Anger, ambition. All the things she knew were in herself. She knew the target she picked was almost impossibly far. Even a skilled archer would have problems. And then Caspian took his aim and shot his arrow. It grazed the pinecone, moving the leafs near it. He put down his bow with satisfaction, looking at the tree.  
"Not bad," she said.  
"Well I was trained by the finest in the Telmarine army," he said, somewhat proudly.  
"Well," she shrugged, "if that's the best they've got.." she trailed off, and then she took her aim as she said, "you might want to recruit some new power," and then she shot her arrow.  
It went right through the acorn, and brought it down to the ground with the arrow, stabbing the ground.  
The lords all clapped and cheered, and Susan bowed down to Caspian.  
"My king," she said, and he faked a smile. She then walked away, Gyrron and Lyrn chatting with her about her skills, and Caspian looking at her figure slowly disappearing. She was in for serious trouble. And he was gladly about to give her one.

* * *

He walked in to his room after a long day, after the duel this afternoon, he had another meeting with the council about people's demands. He hadn't held a private audience with the people since he got back, but he asked that they write down their problem and he would talk about it with the lords. So far, it was working.  
Dinner was soon over, and the lords had Susan's dinner brought up to her (well..his) room without much fuss from his part. And so they ate dinner, and he took up on some reading in the library, took notes, and went to see Glenstorm for a moment before finally retiring to his room.  
It was dimly lit, as always, the fire was crackling and the cool Narnian air filled the whole chamber. He had some paperwork in his hands, and so he went in casually checking them.

Caspian lifted his gaze and finally realized what was going on.

"What are you doing?" he asked her.  
"Packing," she answered, "I'm trying to do this quickly to minimize disturbing you,"  
"Packing?" he asked again.  
"Our deal, in the field today," she replied, "I won," Susan said as she folded one of her nightgown and put it in the trunk she was packing up.  
"Deal?" he said, and this time she realized that maybe his question wasn't because he was asking. "What deal?"

She turned around and looked at him, completely not caring about her, still reading the report as he poured himself a glass of wine.  
"I won," was all she was able to say.  
"And how does that change anything again?" he asked casually.  
"You said you'd let me go,"  
He laughed, "you also said I get to have you whenever I want if I won," he paused, "don't you realize that even if I lost I'd still be able to do that?"  
"You gave your word to me,"  
"You're not going anywhere," he said, "might as well unpack and undress,"  
"Caspian.." she said, panicking as she walked up to him, "I beg of you, please"  
"I can give you anything you want," he replied.  
"Then let me go,"  
"I can't do that," he answered instantly.  
She didn't say anything for a moment before she finally lifted her arm violently, intending to hit him, but he caught her hand and locked her body against his. She was powerless in his arms.  
"You said you'd let me go!"  
"And why are you so keen to get away from me, huh?" he was angry, "I am your king!"  
"I can't! I can't do this," she said, "I can't be your mistress,"  
He slapped her across her cheek, "you're looking to disobey your king?!"  
"I can't!"  
"Why? Why can't you?! Too weak to handle this?! Too little? Too useless?"  
"You raped me!"  
"Yeah, I did," he answered again, "and I can do it again, Susan. Every day, every hour," he pulled her closer to him.  
"Let me go," she said to him as she leaned back. He started kissing her neck, "let me go Caspian!"  
The more she screamed and struggled, the stronger his pulls were. His kisses trailed down to the neckline of her dress, her sleeves falling down and the laces to her dress undone by him. He didn't care for her struggles out. They didn't hurt him a single bit. Her corset fell down to the floor and her under dress started slipping from her skin, and she tried with all her might to keep them on, pulling them back up with her hands. He held her hands back and let her dress fall to the floor. His lips kissed her body and down her navel. Susan's struggles eventually became restrained moans of pleasure as he pushed her to the floor and trapped her there, prying open her legs and keeping her hands on both sides of her head, unable to move, unable to protest.

"No! No please.." she kept saying, but it was all unheard.  
"You're going to fucking love this! Do you hear me?! You're gonna fucking love it!" he said, and she shook her head. When he finished, she, as always, lied on the floor, alone. He drank wine and stared out the window.

"You're not going anywhere, ever," he said, "do you understand?"  
She didn't answer him.  
"Get some sleep," he said to her, "lie there on the floor, for all I care,"  
She fisted her palms.

Hours later, when he was fast asleep, Susan put on her coat and kept her jewelries in a small pouch before sneaking out the door and out the castle. She went through the woods that surrounded Cair, and ran away.


	15. A Change of Heart

Her running away maybe was a mistake. And as she ran farther away from Cair Paravel, the realization came to her in pieces. Now, she was a fugitive. She wouldn't ever be able to live her life the same way again. She was a criminal, wanted in the eyes of law. And the King would have her head, should he ever catch her. Where was she going to live now that she's a runaway? How was Willan going to find her? Willan. How was he doing?

But that all wasn't significant now. Her fear of those things were nothing compared to her want to get away. And so she ran.  
She had been running away successfully for quite some time, in her mind. The truth was she had ran no more than a mile from Cair, and she was now successful in getting lost in the woods there. Everything was dark, and the trees were like castle towers, high and blinding the forest floors from the moon.

She looked back and nothing was the same anymore. No traces of Cair were seen. It was all forest now. And so Susan stopped her steps and tried to catch her breath.  
Everything was suddenly so silent. No panicked rustle of leaves, no gushes of wind, nothing. She could hear only her heartbeat, and nothing more.

Suddenly the leaves behind her rustled. Susan turned around abruptly and listened carefully. Nothing.  
And then she heard the sound of branches breaking behind her, and she turned around again. Slowly two pairs of eyes appeared from the dark, figures way taller than hers. And another pair, and another behind her. That was when Susan realized. She was surrounded by bears.

She ran away as soon as the realization hit her. The bears all chased her, and she ran away as fast as her two feet could bring her. Her only advantage was that she was small, and that enabled her to run through small openings, but soon the bears all caught up with her. Their growls scared her to death, and the quake they made only by running sent her to a panic attack. One of them was so close to her, and she ran away with all her might, screaming and calling for help, but there was no one there.

Susan suddenly tripped over a thick three root and fell down to the ground. The bears closed in on her, towering over Susan. That was when she knew it. This was her end.  
As the bear stood on two feet and roared, suddenly it froze mid-air and dropped to the floor, dead. Two arrows on its back, and blood came out of it.  
"Susan get back!"  
_Caspian_?  
The two other bears ran away almost instantly, but one of them came right for him. Caspian threw the bow from his hands and he took out his sword and Susan watched as he fought a bear, twice his size in height and weight. Susan quickly stood up and grabbed one arrow from the dead bear and the bow Caspian just threw away and took her aim. She didn't see it, but she heard his painful scream. Everything else was dark and she couldn't see. Suddenly everything was silent, and it was then that she realized that one of them must be dead.

"Caspian!" she shouted his name as she ran to the place where the fight took place. And then she saw him.

He then took out his sword from the flesh of the bear, already dead. On his sword she could see the blood, glistening red and thick. And then she remembered nothing.

She opened her eyes, groggy, and she could see he was there, standing up near the fire, washing a cloth of some sort. He turned around as soon as he heard the sheets rustled, but he went right back and looked at the cloth in front of him again.

"Why am I here?" she asked.  
"You fainted," he answered her.  
"No," she said, "no I mean why am I back here again?"

Caspian turned around, anger in his eyes as he walked up to her.  
"Why are you here?" he repeated her question as he picked up her arm. It was badly bruised. "I told you not to leave this castle,"  
"What happened to your neck?" she asked as soon as she realized it was wrapped in white cloth. The white was red now.  
"I told you not to leave this castle," he said again, "why didn't you listen to me?"

Susan made no answer.  
"Why did you leave?"  
"Your Majesty, please, let me take a look at your neck,"  
"You were leaving me," he said again, "why did you leave me?"

She was caught off guard by his question.  
"I am afraid of you," she said.  
Caspian pulled back and eased.  
"Good," he said, "you should be,"

Caspian turned around to walk back to the fireplace, away from her.  
"No, I shouldn't," she suddenly said, and he turned around, "I know it's not how you want me to see you,"  
He made no response.  
"You treat me like I am garbage, but it's a mask. I know it is. You saved me from those bears,"  
"Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe I saved you because I still need an heir? One I am rightfully entitled to from my mistress?"  
"You expect me to believe that?" she asked, "you can have any woman you want in the whole of Narnia. But you did what you did just now for my safety, not because you want my child,"

Caspian looked at her intently, angry, impatient, blind. She realized that she had no idea who he was. And that scared her.

"You don't know anything," he said to her before walking back to the fireplace and sat there.  
Susan looked at him, sitting down and washing a fresh, white cloth to take care of his wounds. She stood up and walked to him before she grabbed the cloth he was soaking. He looked up to her.  
"Go back to bed, Susan," he said, "that's an order,"  
"Let me look at your neck," she said, taking the cloth away from him and gently opening the white cloth that was wrapped just above his shoulders. A long cut spanned from below his left ear to his right shoulder, and the two others shorter than that. He winced a little as she opened it, but he made no eye contact with her. He looked at the fire and stayed silent.

Susan squeezed the cloth dry and wiped the dried wound before wiping it with a dry cloth. He shifted uncomfortably, and she paused for a moment before continuing to clean his cut. A little blood still came out from some parts of the cut, and on his chest were 8 stitches, covered in gauze and bandage, just above his collarbone. On his neck was luckily shallow enough not to need any stitches.

"Thank you," she said, "for saving my life,"  
"Why did you leave?" he asked again. Then he turned his head at her. "Why?"  
"You think it was easy, leaving?" she asked back, "I had to leave. I had to,"  
"You were about to walk out on everything," he said, "am I that bad?"  
She didn't answer.  
"I want to love you,"

Susan wasn't sure she heard right.  
"What?"  
"I want to love you," he repeated, "I know what I did to you was horrible, but I can't apologize to you. I can't afford to feel bad for you. I want to love you," he said again, "but I can't afford it. I can't afford to lose you now. You can't afford it. You can't fall in love with someone like me. I'm damaged, too dangerous,"

Susan took his hand and kissed his knuckles. He looked at her as she did so.  
"You won't lose me by loving me,"  
"You don't understand," he said, "soon, everything will be over. By then, nothing will matter anymore,"

She didn't understand.  
"What are you talking about?"  
"I've bought a mansion for you in Archenland," he said, "near my family's,"  
"What?"  
"I want you to go there," he assured her, "after the baby,"  
"What? No," she said, "no, I want to stay here, with you and our child,"  
"No, Susan," he said to her, "you can't stay with me,"  
"Yes I can,"  
"No," he said, louder, "you can't,"  
"Why?"

She didn't understand anything at all. Why was he like this? What was he talking about?  
Suddenly he laughed a little.  
"Can't you just listen to me, for once?"  
She tried to figure out what he was really saying, but she failed.

Susan leaned in and kissed along the cut on his neck, trailing kisses to his jaw, her hand on his shoulders.  
"Don't," he said as he shrugged her off.  
"I'm not in any danger," she said to him, "don't do this to me,"  
"I'm protecting you,"  
"I'm safe with you," she said, "the more you push me away, the more I will be by your side,"  
"You don't know what you're saying,"  
"I do," she replied.

Caspian stayed silent.  
"Thank you again," she said, "you saved my life,"  
"Yeah well," he replied, "now we're even,"  
She chuckled, "right,"

That night they spent time together in their bed before finally falling asleep. The next morning, Susan woke up and there was a red rose on the pillow next to her, along with a tray of breakfast on the night stand with a note.

_Watch out for bears. _

_Yours,  
CX_

Susan read the note and held it against her chest, smiling uncontrollably. She still didn't know what this was. What was their relationship? Who were they to each other? How were they supposed to react? What the hell happened last night? Things have changed so much just in a blink of an eye, and she wasn't sure what her reaction to this whole thing was. The only thing she was sure of was that she was unsure. She didn't know what to feel, she didn't know how he felt. She was unsure about him, unsure about them, everything.

She got up and took a bath, dressed herself in the finest emerald gown and sun-shaped pins in her hair before heading out to the throne room.

Caspian had been reading reports all morning, but on the way to meet Susan he stepped out to the garden and picked up some red roses, in full bloom before wrapping the thorny stems with a velvet ribbon and held it in his hands.

All the way the guards greeted her good morning and Susan smiled back. No one knew she ran away yesterday, it seemed. Suddenly at the end of the long corridor, there he was.  
She wasn't sure she saw him right, but it was him. And she couldn't believe it.

"Willan?"

The man at the end of the corridor was already looking at her, and he had on a relieved smile before running to her, meeting her halfway. Susan jumped into his embrace, swallowed by his hug.

"Are you alright?"

All the lords in the hallway stared at them, at the King's mistress and the newly-returned ex-high knight of Narnia. Some of them pardoning them, some feeling bad for their king. Caspian looked at the two from the end of the corridor and left.


	16. Willan's Back

**I own nothing, guys.**

* * *

"Are you okay? Are you alright? Let me look at you," Willan kept saying as he kissed her forehead and leaned back.  
"I'm fine," she answered, smiling, "you're back,"  
"I'm back," he said to her, a wide smile on his lips as he cupped her jaw.

Susan looked at her fiancé's hand and saw the cuts on them, and grayish remains of excess skin on his fingertips.  
"Poison," he answered, "wolf's bane. He wants me gone,"  
She looked up at his face. There was discretion, some anger.  
"He wants me dead,"  
"No," she said, "he doesn't,"

"Juan Willan,"  
And then they both turned around to look at the guard who was standing at the end of the corridor.  
"Your presence in the throne room is requested by His Majesty the King," and then the guard turned around and walked away. Willan and Susan followed him.

The throne room was majestic, as always. Guards were inside the room, and some of the lords also were standing up and chatting. Caspian was also chatting with one of them, and once Susan and Willan entered, he had a smile on his face.  
"There he is, gentlemen," he said, "the man who have brought to us the plant we have all been seeking,"

The lords all turned around and smiled. Susan didn't understand what was really going on.  
"Now," Caspian said as he walked to his throne and sat there, "Sir Willan. Myself and the lords all thank you for bringing back to us the plant, a most crucial plant. Wolf's Bane, gentlemen,"  
The lords all murmured. That was when they both knew that the plant was a crucial part of an important plant in politics.  
"I can't tell you what the plant is for, but I assure you that you've just helped your country stand proud by succeeding in the mission,"  
Caspian clapped his hands and the lords all followed. Susan stood beside Willan, and they both looked around, feeling strange that they all were clapping for him.  
"Leave us," he said to the lords suddenly, and they all left the room.

Suddenly they were alone, along with some guards only. The throne room was empty.  
"I am honored, to have done so, Your Majesty," Willan said as he bowed down.  
"But that is not all," Caspian suddenly said, and Susan knew this was what was really coming for them, "I understand that you were a high knight, in my father's rule?"  
"Yes, Your Majesty," Willan said.  
"And you quit?"  
"Yes, Milord, because I felt I have made sins in Miraz's reigns, sins I can't redeem myself for unless I stop altogether," he answered. Caspian then smiled a kind smile. Susan looked at her fiancé.

"My apologies goes to you and your family, if the monarchy has ever hurt you," he said, "but that is why I've brought you here, to redeem the corrupt king before me. You aren't married, correct?"  
Susan turned her head to look at the King in front of them. And Willan too. Caspian didn't budge. His smile was gone completely from his face, and the lords all didn't say anything. Willan felt like he knew what he was supposed to answer. And he did.

"I am engaged, milord,"  
"That is not the answer to my question," Caspian answered quickly. Susan couldn't move.  
"No," Willan answered, "no, I am not married,"  
He knew. He predicted in his mind what the King was going to say next. He looked at Susan beside him, her stare on him, her eyebrows furrowed and her blue eyes sharp. He knew what was going to happen next, but he prayed with all his might that it won't.

"Good," Caspian said, "then it is my duty to you, to present you with a wife—"  
"No," Willan said instantly, begging. And the guards all came forward to him and stood in front of him.  
"For all the troubles the monarchy has caused you—"  
"No, no Your Majesty—"  
"And for all the good deeds you have done,"  
"Your Majesty please," Willan said, "I am engaged, please, I beg of you," he said as he took a step forward, and the guards were ready to hurt him.  
"Stand back," Caspian said, and the guards all stopped, "no need for..violence,"  
The men retreated. Susan didn't say anything. For a moment, no one did. Willan was begging, and Susan was quiet. She looked at the floor. Caspian closed his eyes before opening them again.

"You're engaged?" he asked, slightly smiling.  
"Yes," Willan answered him.  
"And who is your betrothed?"

Willan didn't answer then. It was then that he knew. This was a lost cause.  
"Mistress to the King?" Caspian asked again. He didn't answer.  
"Don't do this," Susan suddenly spoke. Caspian turned his head and looked at her.  
"The wedding is tomorrow, in Archenland. You will stay there, serve as help to the Narnian Consul,"  
"No, no please Your Majesty—"  
The guards all practically dragged him away, out of the throne room.  
"Your Majesty please! I beg you!" Willan put up a fight, but he couldn't do anything with three guards around him. They didn't touch Susan, but she followed him out.  
"Your Majesty, please, no!" Susan shouted, but Caspian didn't move. At the door she turned to look at him, to beg him not to do this, and that was when she saw it. His expression. Something was bothering him, like this wasn't something he did for himself. This wasn't only to keep her, she knew that. And she would find out why.

* * *

"We have to get out of here, now," Willan said to her, right before he realized that she wasn't moving. It was then that he looked at her, really looked, to find out what was going on.

"What happened to your wrists?" he asked as he walked to her and looked at her hands.  
Susan shrugged off her hands.  
"Did he do this to you?" anger was in his voice.  
"No," she answered him, "no he didn't,"  
"Susan," he took a hold of her jaws, holding her close, "I swear we'll get out of here. I'm going to go see him this afternoon, maybe I can talk him out of—"  
"No.."  
"Yes, yes! He's doing this to keep you here, Susan. He's in love with you. He sent me for the wolf's bane to get rid of me! And then when I came back alive, he's doing this. He's doing this to separate us. We have to leave tonight. Maybe I can talk him out of this, out of—"  
"Out of what, Will?" she asked him, "I'm his mistress. What you did back there was dangerous,"  
"I spoke of nothing but the truth!"  
"Engaged to the King's Mistress is a treason," she said, "It is dangerous. I'm his property until he lets me go after I give him a child. I won't be allowed to leave, not until I have his child at least,"  
"But you're not pregnant yet now, Susan. We can still leave if he lets you," he said, "we'll take the forest route and we'll be gone before dusk,"

"I tried leaving," she said, "yester night,"  
And then Willan's expression changed, "you did what?"  
"I left," she said again, "he won't have it,"  
Willan closed his eyes. "We don't need his permission to leave,"  
"And leave as fugitives?"  
"Exactly,"  
"What good is leaving if we aren't free?"  
"If we don't leave we'll never be free," he said, "never again,"  
"We'll be criminals, Will," she answered, "and I left last night because I don't mind, but you? I can't do this to you,"  
"You won't be doing anything to me, Susan,"  
"You'll be living the rest of your life a fugitive because of me," she said.  
"And a life as a criminal is better than being separated," he said, "he wants me to marry! I'm in it for life,"  
She silenced after that. Susan then let the fact sink in. Caspian wanted him to marry.  
"It was an order," she said, "escaping this would mean treason,"

"Look at my hands, Susan. Look at them," he showed her his hands, "he didn't send me out on that expedition for nothing. He wants me dead. He sent me out to pick up a poisonous plant while he has his ways with you,"  
"No, Will. He's not doing this for that reason,"  
"Yeah? How do you know?"  
"I don't,"  
"Yeah, you don't,"  
He walked away.

"I have reason to believe he's doing all of this for something else. Something we don't know about,"

Willan didn't answer then. He suddenly looked at her and realized something he was supposed to ask.  
"Susan," he said in a deeper voice, "what the hell did he do to you to make you want to leave him last night?"

She didn't answer. She couldn't find it in herself to look at him. Willan took a good look at his fiancée and discovered the bruise on her hand.

"Is this his doing?" he was angry.  
"I was attacked by bears last night," she replied, "he saved me, Will,"  
"What did he do to you, Susan?" he persisted. Susan looked into his eyes and saw the high knight side of him, the persistent side. Images flashed in his mind, and the longer his question went unanswered, the worse those images got. He prayed to not hear what he thought he was going to hear.

"He rapes me,"  
Willan closed his eyes at her answer.  
"I will get you out of here. I swear, I'll get you out, I'll get us both out,"  
"I can't,"

He was caught off guard with her answer.

"What?" he asked her.  
Part of Susan didn't believe what she had to say, but she knew it was true.  
"I can't leave him," she said to him.  
"Susan what the hell are you talking about,"  
"I can't leave, Will. He needs me,"  
"No,"  
"I can't leave him," she said, "not now. He needs me more than I need myself,"  
He shook his head, looking at the ground.

"He needs me Will,"  
"You don't have to do this," he said to her, "you don't have to cater to his every need, you don't have to say yes to him. Say yes to me, Susan, and this will all be over,"

She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes as she looked at the man who had shared with her his love for as long as she could remember. Things have changed now.

"No, I don't," she answered him, "but I want to,"

That was when Willan realized everything. She had changed. He looked at her face and it seemed like the same her, yet everything wasn't the same.

"You're his mistress, Susan. You're needed for an heir, that's it,"  
"I'm in love with him,"

He didn't respond after that. He froze mid-sentence. Willan didn't know how to respond, didn't know what he should respond with.

"You're.." he said, "you're… you're in love?"  
Susan then realized what she just said. And she thought it was supposed to feel strange, supposed to feel bad, but no. She didn't regret it at all. She didn't feel bad. She felt good because she knew it was true to her heart. She was in love.  
"You're in love?"  
"Yes," she said, "I am,"

It came as a revelation to Susan, a new-found realization. And she was surprised just as much as Willan was.  
"You are throwing _everything_ we had. Everything we were, everything we've worked for, everything we've overcome," he said, "you are throwing us away,"  
"I don't deserve you,"  
"Don't pretend like you're doing this for me, Susan," he said, "you're doing this for you,"  
"You think it's easy, letting you go?" she asked, "forget what I just said. Would we have another choice even if I want to leave? Even if I want to leave, we'll still be fugitives. We'll still live our lives as criminals, never free, always on the run. He's the King of Narnia. Even if I want to leave you'll still have to marry. I'll still have to be here. We don't have any other option, Willan. Nothing left to choose from if we want to be free. You can't escape this. You can't escape this,"

Willan looked at her and realized how much she has changed.  
"No," he said, "I can't. But I had thought that maybe you won't be so accepting,"

That was when Susan knew it. She was suddenly able to see the change in her, the woman she has become. A selfish woman. Maybe she had been from the start, but in her years with Willan, that part of her was hidden. Now she exposes it freely, as a selfish person would. For a moment, they stayed silent. Neither of them said anything, because they both knew that nothing could be said to make them feel good. And slowly Willan cooled off. Slowly he accepted. Slowly he realized. She was a different person.

"Eight years," he said after moments of silence.  
"What?" she asked him. He turned his head to look at her, and Susan saw it. A small smile.  
"We've been together 8 years," he said again. He had a smile on his lips, a bittersweet smile, a sad smile. The kind of smile you smile as the play reaches an ending.

"You're a different woman, Susan," he said, "you've changed into yourself faster in your month with him than your 8 years with me,"  
"You'll always be a part of me, Will," she said to him, "nothing's going to change that,"  
"Yeah?" he asked, "how about a wife?"  
She laughed a little, followed by his smirk. Susan then rested his head on his shoulder, bodies close together.

"I don't think I can let you go," he said, "not now. Not yet,"  
"Me too," she answered truthfully, "not yet,"  
"But you're happy with him,"  
"At times, yes,"  
"That wasn't a question, Susan," he said, "I'm saying you're happier with him. I can see it in your eyes,"  
"You're a good man," she said, "maybe the best man I'll ever be with,"  
"He's the King of Narnia. Why would you say that?"  
"Because you're letting me go," she answered him, "just because I asked you to,"

Willan looked down at the floor, a smile on his face.  
"Do I have a choice?"

His question was rhetorical.  
"I'll go to Archenland," he said. Susan lifted her head up and he could see the tears in her eyes. He kissed her forehead.  
"I really wish you'd be happy," she said as a tear fell down her cheek, "you deserve to be,"  
Willan pulled her into a tight hug. For a while they didn't say anything. They enjoyed each other's company, probably for the last time. It was easy being around one another. And for her, incredibly easy to be around Willan. She's been doing so for the last 8 years. Being around Caspian made her realize that it was difficult, it wasn't at all easy being in his company. Willan was the exact opposite of that. And that was going to vanish soon.

"He rapes you?" he asked.  
"Yeah," she answered him.  
"And..you're…?" he trailed, "I don't know..okay..with this?"  
"It's..unclear," she replied, "but I don't blame him for..it,"  
He tried to forget then. He didn't succeed.

"Listen," he said, and she lifted her head up to look at him. "I know, that we're not exactly who we were to each other anymore, but I love you, and you'll always be something more to me. I know that maybe I don't have a say in this if you're okay with..it, but if you don't.." he said, "that's an entirely different story,"  
"He doesn't do it on purpose," she answered suddenly, "at least not anymore. I think,"  
Willan stayed quiet because he knew there was more.  
"Something's bothering him, Will. Something went on in those seven years that nobody knew about,"  
"You think that's making him the way he is?"  
"I know it does," she said, "or else he wouldn't be this way, I know it,"

Willan silently agreed. He was roughly the King's age. And back in Miraz's reign, Willan heard nothing scandalous or bad about the young prince. All the cooks loved him, his uncles adored him and everyone in the castle looked after him. That was why he listened to Susan's words and believed her. Because he knew who his King was. And he knew that King Caspian was like this maybe because he was damaged in a way no one could understand. Except maybe for his fiancée. Former fiancée.

"Go save him then," Willan said to her. She looked at him before they kissed.  
"So," she said, trying to smile, "is this it then?"  
Willan looked at her and hugged her once more.  
"I think it is,"  
It was painful, it was bittersweet, but neither of them complained at the pain. And that was what mattered. Because now they understood that it was time to let go.


	17. Confession

His footsteps were loud and clear. She heard him enter the room and from the rustle of his movements Susan knew he knew she was still awake.

"You didn't have to do that,"

Caspian didn't waste his time on small talk.  
"Do what?" he asked her casually as he took off his shirt.  
"Caspian," she said, getting up from the bed and walked to him, "please. Don't make him do it,"

He didn't answer her.  
"I was going to leave him," she blurted out, and that caught his attention.  
"You were going to do what?"  
"I was going to tell him that I can't leave," she said, "you. Ever,"

Caspian stood his ground. He then continued to fold his shirt. It was the first time she ever said that to him.  
"You think I did it to keep him from you?" he asked. Susan couldn't answer. His question implied that he didn't. Caspian turned around to look at her and at that moment, he was a stranger to him. More so than he ever had been.

"There's more to this than you will ever think,"  
"You have to tell me,"  
"Wrong, more to this than you'll ever be allowed to know,"  
"Not allowed by who, the council? You know damn well people in town talk of politics all the time. They'll know and have plenty to think and say once they heard what you did to Willan and I,"  
"No, I meant not allowed by _me_," Caspian said, "it's dangerous,"  
"What do you mean dangerous?"  
"Willan is going to Archenland to marry and live there. And as soon as the baby comes, you will stay there too," his words were final. An order.

"There's something you're keeping from me,"  
He laughed, "a lot of things,"  
"No," she said, "no I mean something you're keeping from everyone,"

His smile faded after that.

"Tell me," she said. He didn't answer.  
"Tell me!" she said, louder this time, "because somehow it involves me. Somehow it involves everyone,"  
That was when his expression changed. Slowly his confident smile faded as he realized that maybe she was on to something. And from his expression, she knew. She knew that she was indeed on to something. Something bad. Something he definitely didn't want her or anyone else to know. Something right.

"Tell me, Caspian," she said again, walking closer to him.  
"It'll cost you your life," he had anger in his voice.  
"Don't worry about that," she said, "you not telling me isn't making all of this safe. For you, for me, or for the baby,"

He lifted his face to look at her.  
"Something happened in those 7 years," she said slowly.  
He didn't respond.  
"Somehow, it endangers me," she listed, "and yourself,"

He still didn't respond.  
"And what good will it make if you lie to me?" she asked him, "I won't be any safer,"  
"You not knowing is the one thing that will keep you safe,"  
"Caspian, please," she said as she placed a hand on his cold jaw, "tell me. Tell me what happened in those 7 years. Tell me what you went through that made you like this," she fisted her hand on his chest and he grabbed her wrist.  
"You're hard and cold," she said to him, "you're not the warm king you used to be,"  
"Yeah? Well 7 years of torture does that to you,"  
He answered it with an expressionless face, as if that meant nothing. To Susan, it meant everything.

"Torture?"  
"Susan, I don't want to talk about this," he suddenly said, "it's hard..it's hard for me to talk, because it makes me remember..everything that went on I—"  
"No," she said, "no don't. Don't. It's okay, everything is okay now," she said to him, "you're with me. You're with me,"  
"And I don't want to lose you," he said. She didn't find anything in herself to be able to respond to that. "So don't make losing you a possibility for me,"  
"You won't, Caspian you won't lose me," she said, "you won't lose me,"

Caspian closed his eyes, took a deep breath before finally opening his eyes again.  
"Please, just do what I ask of you," he said again, "please. Just trust me,"  
"I do trust you," she answered him, "but I'm afraid,"  
"No one," he said, "no one will touch you. I swear, no one will ever hurt you,"

Susan didn't know what he was saying. She heard his words loud and clear, but she knew there was something more to this than he was telling her.  
"They tortured you?" she asked, searching for his eyes. He averted his gaze somewhere else.  
"Why did you send Willan off? Why did you want him out of Narnia?"  
"I had to,"  
"Why?" she was more demanding, "tell me this. Tell me only this tonight, and I will leave you to rest,"  
"Don't," he said suddenly, "don't leave,"

His grip on her hand and waist suddenly was tighter, gripping her desperately close. Susan stayed silent as she looked at his face. He didn't match her stare. He looked at her hand, at her skin, and then at the fire beside them.

"Tell me what happened," she said again, amidst caught breaths. He shrugged and then turned his head to look at her, their faces merely inches off of one another. "Tell me what happened to you,"

"Don't do this to me," he said, his lips a frown and his eyebrows furrowed. He looked straight into her eyes, and at that moment, Susan knew she was pushing him too far.  
"Whatever happened in those seven years, it was nothing. You're safe now, you're back, you're back in Narnia," she said again, "and you don't need to worry about it anymore, okay? You don't need to worry,"  
Caspian closed his eyes and let his head drop.  
"Listen, listen," she said, searching for his eyes, "listen to me. I won't ask about this anymore right now, okay? I won't ask about this now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry,"  
"No, no," he said, "it's not your fault,"  
"But I want you to know that you can tell me," she said, "anytime. Just tell me, when you're ready,"  
He shrugged. Something told her that he won't ever tell her. But for right now it was okay. It was all he could manage. It was all he could endure for now. She looked at his face and she saw worry, she saw fear.

"I'm..afraid," he started, "of endangering you if I do, and losing you if I don't,"  
"I won't leave just because of you telling me the truth," she said, holding his hands, "or because of you not telling. But I need to know. Please, Caspian,"

He looked into her eyes, pleading, an eagerness he knew was motivated by worry. She didn't look afraid. At least she didn't show it if she was. He tucked away the loose strand of chocolate hair from her face and traced his fingers on her skin.

"You're right about me now," he said, "I thought no one would notice, but even you who didn't know me before do,"  
"What?" she asked.  
"I have changed. And I'm sorry, Susan, I'm so sorry," he answered her, his lips a frown, "it's..it's hard for me..to not be so.." he shrugged, "to not be so forward..when I'm with you..in that way,"  
"Why?" she asked, "why? You can tell me, and we can fix it,"

Caspian turned his head and looked at her.  
"There were 8 men," he said, "Calormene,"

She listened.  
"I woke up inside a room, and it was dark. They interrogated me,"  
"About what?"  
He shrugged, "about things. And then I wouldn't tell them the answer they wanted to hear,"  
"And what did they want to hear?" she asked, careful, afraid.

Susan looked at him looking at the fire and she lifted his hand to her lips and kissed the back of his palm.

"They hanged me by my hands, made me stand on my toes for days. They tried to drown me, starved me, beat me,"  
"I'm..Oh Caspian.," she said.

"Every time I am with you in bed, I remember about what they did, and I'd get defensive," he said, "because I don't want it to happen to me ever again, that feeling of forced submission. And it turned out that I did the exact same thing to you what they did to me,"

"There's plenty more time to try," she said slowly, and he lifted his face to look at her. Susan leaned in and kissed his lips, her hands on his jaws.  
"Susan.." he said breathily as she moved to kiss his neck, "don't do this now,"  
She stopped for a moment and looked into his eyes wondering what was making him unsure now.

"You..You're remembering?" she asked him.  
"No," he answered, "no. I just don't think I'll be able to stop myself from.."  
"Hey..Hey," she said, tucking the loose strands of hair behind his ears, "it's okay, you're with me.."

Susan opened the lace to his shirt as she continued to kiss his chest. He caught her hands and gripped her wrists. Susan lifted her head to look at him.  
"I don't want to hurt you,"  
"And you won't," she said, "you won't," she kissed his forehead, and Caspian didn't react. She continued to kiss his cheeks, his jaw, his chin and neck. Still he didn't react. Susan didn't realize that he was closing his eyes, trying so hard not to do what was done to him for so long. Susan moved up and kissed his jaws, slowly coming to his lips.

Suddenly he pulled away. He looked at his side and stayed still. Susan didn't understand what just happened. Caspian then stood up from the bed they had been sitting on and walked towards the fireplace.

He just stood there for a while and didn't move, just stared into the fire.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry,"  
"For what?"  
"For everything I've done. I've hurt you, I meant to hurt you, and I have. I used you to fill my ego. I've used you to not feel weak. I've hurt you more than anyone else and now I'm afraid I'll lose you,"  
"If you're so afraid, then don't act like you want me gone," she said as she walked towards him, and she jabbed his left back to force him to turn around and see her. He stared at the floor, and Susan searched desperately for his eyes to look at her, and she took hold of his hands, kissed the back of his cold palms. She kissed his forehead, and his cheeks, and when she searched for his lips he instantly pulled back.  
"If we kiss, it's over. It's over,"  
"What's over? What's over? Tell me Caspian," she said again, loud this time. He didn't look into her eyes as he answered.

"Your safety,"

He looked tired. He looked frustrated, as always, but more than anything, Caspian looked hopeless. He looked as if he had given up, as if he finally accepted the fact that he had nothing to go by to win this invisible battle between him and the enemy. She didn't know who the foe really was, but she also knew that there was no way he was telling her.

"I'm safe when I'm with you," she repeated. That was all she could say.  
"You're wrong," he said again, "I'm dangerous,"

She didn't understand. In her mind it didn't make sense, but somehow she knew he was right.  
"You're the King of Narnia,"  
"And you're the woman I love," he said, his face not showing any regret of what he just said. Susan was taken aback, but she replied none the less.  
"And what does that make me? Protected," she said, "right?"

"A target," he answered, serious, "to every enemy to the throne, to every enemy of Narnia and to anyone who wants to usurp my power and take Narnia under oppression. You realize how this affects you? If anyone ever finds out how I feel about you, you are the number one target in the eyes of every single enemy I have. I know I shouldn't have fallen for you, but I can't, I just can't,"  
"You…" she trailed off, "you..you're..in love?"  
"And I shouldn't be. I'm so sorry,"

He apologized over and over again to her, but Susan didn't hear what he was saying.  
"Because I'm not worth it?"

Caspian turned his head and looked at her as if she was a crazy girl.  
"Because you are everything to me," he said, placing his hands on her shoulders and gripping them closer to himself, "and that puts your life at risk,"  
"How?" she asked, and he exhaled.

"My cousin, Sopespian II had a son," he said, "and now they want me gone. They're..not good people, I think. They want my throne, my kingdom. And they want my power, for revenge to what they think I did to Sopespian I. They'll do anything to make me disappear. Including using you as a bait,"  
"But you're the King of Narnia! Surely they know that you're protected and a king in your own right? They must know that they're powerless, right? Surely they must?"  
"They aren't powerless. They have an army, but they know that will be useless against mine," he said, "and sooner or later, they'll begin to use you as a bait to get to me, should they find out that our relationship is more than a king and his mistress,"

"Well then we just have to play into their game, right?"  
"And have you killed?" he asked, his options obvious, "and not only you, but the whole of Narnia. I can't leave them. Should there be a war, be it small, it still will endanger them. So I came up with a plan. A plan you will also follow,"

It was a brilliant one. Caspian had made a deal, to meet up with his cousin in exactly 10 months' time at Cair Paravel for a party, by which time every lord and noble will be evacuated into the Telmarine Castle, under the excuse of a grand party, along with every single people of Narnia. At Cair will be a trained attack, ready for battle should Sopespian II want one.

"Promise me something," he said to her, "you and our baby have to be at the Telmarine Castle,"  
"You'll be at Cair?"  
"I must," he said, "and I'll settle this once and for all," he answered her.  
She nodded, and finally, both of them sank into silence. For a while they didn't say anything and kept quiet, sitting beside each other and looked into the wall, thinking about a million things and questions that were left unanswered.

"How can I help?" she suddenly asked.  
"Help with what?" he asked back.  
"I don't want you to feel weak when you're with me," she said to him, "I don't want you to. You're not weak. You're strong, and you have me. You have the whole of me," she kissed his forehead and embraced him.  
"And I have the whole of you, remember that Caspian. It's mutual, what we have. I'm not forcing you. You aren't forced by anyone,"  
He placed his hand on her jaw. "You must understand why I can't kiss you?" he asked, "because I can't fall in love with you. Loving you would mean to let you die, be in danger. And I can't do that. And if I kiss you, if we kiss, I'll lose every bit of self-restraint I have against you. And sometimes I'd remember what they did, that feeling of weakness they'd make me feel, and I don't ever want to feel that way again,"  
"It's okay," she said, "You're not weak with me. You have me, Caspian. You have me, and I have you," she said, "remember that," she kissed his jaw and neck. He reached for her hands and turned her wrists to face him. She stopped what she was doing and saw that he was looking at her wrists, the red scars healing, dried blood. He kissed them slowly and looked attentively at them.

Susan pulled them back as she sat down and straddled him, circling her arms on his neck, kissing his jaws as she murmured that it was all in the past. He didn't react, but he didn't refuse her movements on him. Susan reached for his hand and placed it on her breast, her hand over his encouraging him to squeeze them. And as soon as she left his hand there, he would pull his hand away. She tried again and the same thing happened.

"Susan.." he moaned, "don't,"  
"Try," she said to him, "try. You won't hurt me,"  
And then he didn't say anything else. Susan once again placed his hand on her breast and suddenly he stood up, his hands supporting her weight on him and pushed her to their bed, roughly and frustrated. She landed with a loud thud on her back on the pillows, and he climbed on top of her and kissed her collar. She tried to undo his pants and hoisted up her night gown. She could feel his hardening limb on her, and he kissed the tip of her breast before opening her gown and licked her bellybutton, eventually going down. He planted his face on the meeting of her thighs and she let out a caught breath. Then he climbed up and pushed inside of her. She was overwhelmed by the pace, but she saw the same him she had been seeing before. Blinded by memories of his weakness, by memories of his forced submission, and it was hurting him. All he could think about was not being that weak anymore, and he was hurting her right now.  
"C..Caspian.." she said under him, and he grabbed a hold of her right hand, gripped it tight.  
"Caspian..slowly," she said, and he didn't stop. It was as if he didn't hear her. She gripped back his hand on hers. She held back a tear and bit her lip to not let out a yelp of pain. She furrowed her eyebrows and let out a sharp breath. He growled and bit her shoulder, and Susan placed a hand on his back.

"Caspian," she grew uncomfortable at his bite, "Caspian it hurts," she said, "easy.."

He suddenly let go, and pulled himself far away from her.  
"I'm sorry," he said.  
Susan pulled him back, kissed his chin and took his hand, intertwining their fingers together and gripped his hand on hers.

"Look at me, okay? It's me. You're with me," she said, "you're with _me,"  
_He nodded, as if to assure himself.  
"I'm with you,"  
"Yes," she said to him, "no one else," she started kissing his neck and urged him to continue.  
"Slowly, Caspian," she said to him, and he did so.

It was different. It was intimate. Not like the strangers they used to be, but now they knew each other. They were Susan and Caspian, and their relationship, everything about them wasn't easy. At the same time, both of them weren't the kind of people who are meant to deal with easiness in their lives. Not Susan, not a girl with her amount and kind of ambitions, dreams and feelings. And especially not Caspian, the King of Narnia. They both think they crave simplicity, they think they crave easiness, but they also knew that they'd not deal with simple things as good as they did with difficulties, with drama, like people won't be good with problems like they are. Because of that, the two of them are perfect with each other. And this kind of relationship wouldn't happen to anyone else except these two, complicated human beings, in agony and in love. One keeping a secret from the other, and the other, endangered and willingly letting herself be. After all, no one would be able to handle a complicated, dangerous love like the King's than Susan, and no one would be able to cater to ambition and flair for complications like Susan's than Caspian. They both were in love, maybe for the wrong reasons, but they were.

Hours later, after the layer of sweat on their skin had disappeared, they laid there together, his arm around her and their legs entwined. She drew little designs on his skin, both of them basking in comfortable silence. She kissed his hand and he looked at her.

"I..thank you," he said to her.  
"For what?" she smiled at him.  
"For making me overcome my fears," he answered, "you just made it easier..for me,"  
She looked at his face, serious. No smile yet, but she knew that will change overtime. She kissed his cheek and smiled.

"Don't think about what they did to you ever again," she said, "you're with me now. And you have me," she assured him. He stayed silent for a while.  
"And you have me," he finally said. She detected the awkwardness in his tone, and she placed a hand on his jaw. He looked at her.  
"It's okay to give yourself to the person you love," she said, "it's difficult for me too. But I love you. At least I think I do. All I know, anything else seems insufficient,"

He smiled and closed his eyes.  
"I keep telling myself not to," he said, "but I can't. I'm not strong enough. I love you," he turned his head to look at her.  
She let out a deep sigh.

"What now?" she asked. He laughed.  
"We see what happens," he answered her.  
"That's the only thing we can do," she agreed. He laughed as he kissed her forehead.

"You should probably get some sleep," he said again, "can't have a baby with the mother tired,"  
"I don't know, I feel good about this one,"  
"Yeah?" he asked, smiling, "well that's good then," he said, as he pulled her closer. He closed his eyes, and not long after that, they both were asleep.

The morning after, when she woke up, for the first time ever in all the times they spent the night together, Caspian stayed in bed and didn't leave.


	18. Caspian is Hurt

**I know this story has been on hiatus for a while.  
Maybe now is the time to continue? What do you guys think?**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

Susan had been awake for a few minutes or so, and she had been starring at the man sleeping next to her. He looked so peaceful in his sleep, unlike when he was awake. And she realized that maybe that was the thing with him. What he experienced had changed him, a long time ago, before even the idea of escaping back to his own kingdom had come to him. He was a changed man, but still the same man none the less. He was a good king, and stressed and frustrated in his waking life but still the innocent, pure person in his sleep; when he didn't realize it. And that was who he really is, who he was, before he was forced to change. So she cherished the view she had right now and tried to instill it in her brain; who he really was, who he should be; a normal, peaceful person, stressed only when he should be, not every second of every day like he is now.

His naked chest heaved with every breath he took and let out. His eyes closed shut, and his lips slightly parted, soft snores came out from him like whispers of breath. His right arm tucked underneath the pillow under his head. Susan looked and admired his toned arms, like valleys and land, with depth and shallows. She didn't realize this, but she didn't move at all for a while, focused on him and focused on seeing him. His shoulder-length hair loose and some strewn over his sleeping face, some going down to his neck, and the rest falling down behind him. The stubble on his jaws clear and Susan liked them. Although she never felt them near her lips, because he never kissed her there.

"_If I kiss you now, it's over," _he had said the night before. He was falling in love, Susan knew. And that was why he didn't want to kiss her on her lips. Because if he did, that would make it official to himself. And that would mean she wouldn't be safe anymore. He had enemies now, everyone knew that. Susan was sure that no other mistresses from the kings before him had trouble with safety if their kings weren't in a condition like Caspian's. He was in a rough situation, a dangerous one. And she was going to be dragged down with him if anyone knew that she meant more to him than she should, even though she did (at least, Susan thinks so).

She went through the contents of her head and remembered what happened the night before. He had told her what happened during his captivity. He had been tortured. She closed her eyes to shut the image out of her head, the cruelty, the pain, the horrific scenes that he must've gone through, that feeling of forced submission, and being powerless. Susan hated that more than anything in the world. She hated being powerless, she hated being belittled. And she didn't realize this yet, but Caspian did too. They both hated being small, hated being oppressed. Some people didn't, you see, but they did. And that was exactly what Caspian went through. She couldn't imagine what it felt like, but images and scenes seemed to force themselves inside her mind without her wanting them to. Images of him being forced, of him being bullied and being thrown about, enjoyed, flashed through her mind and she tried so hard to push those away. She closed her eyes shut and unbeknownst to her, a tear had form itself and fell to her cheeks and her closing her eyes had forced it down. She wiped it away from her face and she turned to him, caressed his cheek, and pulled herself closer to him. He moved and awoke but didn't open his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her body and pulled her to his chest. She was engulfed in a sea of him, of his scent, of his warmth, of his muscular body that has been through hell, still she felt protected. Caspian opened his eyes.

"You're crying," he remarked, a little surprised. He pulled her to him and wiped away the tears with his thumb. The two of them stayed silent, laid still. They looked into each other's eyes, wrapped in a warm cloud of only the two of them, and nothing else mattered. She leaned in and breathed in his scent; he smelled of coffee and of him. That unmistakable Caspian smell, a scent she has memorized in her mind.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I'm just glad you're here with me now,"  
"As I," he answered her, smiling. He traced his fingers along her hairline, softly touching her cold cheeks with his warm thumb. She in turn took his hand from her face and kissed his fingertips, calloused and rough. She kissed the back of his palm, a gesture of loyalty, of love. She touched his stubble and wondered silently how it would feel on her lips and chin. She touched his chocolate hair and saw the dark circle under his eyes.  
"I love this," she said.  
"What?"

"These," she answered him, "the dark circles under your eyes,"  
He laughed a little.  
"Why would you love that?" he asked her.  
"Because only really tired people have dark circles," she replied, "and in the grand scheme of things no matter how tired you are, how frustrated human are, it always comes up to surface only as these dark circles. It tells us that we are tired, we are worn out, yet these circles do nothing and we forge on," she said again. "You're just so.."  
"What?" he teased her, "handsome? Perfect?"  
"I was going for strong, but yeah that works," she laughed. Caspian smiled and then there was a moment of delicious silence between them, his gaze flickered at her lips and hers to his. He began kissing her fingertips, and reached under her night gown and massaged her breasts, pinching the little hard nubs of her nipples and she exhaled a sharp breath. He climbed on top of her and she opened his breeches. He kissed her chest, nibbled on her nipples and slowly began his descent downwards. She smiled blissfully as he licked her clit, and opened her thighs wider. Moments later he hooked both her thighs to his arms and brought her closer to him, inserting his erect member into her. She clung to him, hugging his neck with her arms and the moved in sync, her breasts on his chest, their thighs touching and their abdomen sweating. It was slow and soft, it was patient. He went slowly at first, not in a rush and taking proper care to accommodate her, moving as one with her. It was not selfish, and she could feel the difference. Susan opened her eyes and looked at him, and saw the struggle that he was going through, the amount of self restraint and control that he was enforcing on himself, his eyes closed, his eyebrows furrowed and his jaw pressed together, gritting his teeth in an effort to not hurt her. She kissed his forehead and kissed his neck, an effort to remind him that it was her he was with. He grabbed on to her waist, small in size compared to his large hands and arms, and gently moved his hips in and out of her. He was starting to break a sweat from all the restraint, and she could feel his grip on her tighter and tighter, to the point where it was hurting her, but Susan stayed silent. She knew this was helping him control himself, and his thrusts into her were still gentle. He didn't dare move his hands anywhere else, and he shut his eyes harder with each thrust. She moaned and arched her back, he nibbled on her hard nipples. Hearing her moans made it harder for him, and in a burst of lost restraint he threw her body back to the bed and held her thighs up his arms before completely pounding into her. He gritted his teeth still and grunted loudly, and seemed to forget where he was, what he was trying to do. Susan got up from the bed and held his jaw with her two hands, searching for him, and soothed him with her words, calmed him with her voice.

When it was over, he had come inside her and moments later he laid his head on her breasts, she played with locks of his chocolate hair. He nibbled on her nipples still, and it was sore from his bites, but Susan was happy. He rubbed her belly lovingly, as if a child was inside her. And Susan hoped there was one.  
"Thank you," he said, "for being here with me,"  
"I can say the same to you," she said, and he kissed her hands.

Suddenly a knock was heard on the door, and Susan scrambled to cover herself.  
"Your Majesty, urgent matters from court," a voice sounded, and Caspian dressed himself.

* * *

He stormed into the throne room and was surprised; Caspian expected the whole of the Narnian council present, but only one person was there.  
"My Liege," the centaur said as soon as he saw the king walked in.  
"Glenstorm?"  
The high knight walked over to him, his steps hurried and on his forehead were a layer of sweat.  
"This just came in by a griffin," he handed his king a folded letter, waxed shut. Caspian knew who the letter was from; it was what he had been dreading these past few weeks.  
"I will read this privately, thank you Glenstorm,"  
"Caspian," the knight said right after his last words, "the griffin was killed,"  
"What?"  
"He died the second after he landed. It is a warning, from the enemy. We don't know who they are, and we don't know what they want, but they are inside Narnia now,"  
Caspian opened the letter and read each of the words carefully. His heart was beating fast, and just at that second Susan came into the throne room, hurried and eager to know what was going on. Both the men's heads turn to look at her.  
"What's going on?" she asked, and the centaur couldn't answer her. He looked at his king, who tried with all his might to calm down.  
"Glenstorm," he said carefully, his eyes looking at the letter now; "take the mistress to my room, and she is not to go out at any time under any circumstances, am I clear?"  
"Yes, My Liege," he answered, and Susan was bewildered at his answer.  
"Lock all the windows and doors, put extra guards and your finest beasts in front of the room, she is not to be let out,"  
"W..Wait—wait a minute," she was starting to speak up when Glenstorm and three other men began surrounding her, readying to follow their king's orders.  
"N..no! No, Caspian! No!" she shouted, "what's going on? What is going on?! Caspian!"

Her shouts were gone as the iron doors to the throne room are closed. Inside, he was alone. He carefully opened the letters once again and saw what they gave him; Susan's necklace, his gift for her.  
They were beginning to infiltrate the castle; they were already inside right now. Suddenly every notion of safety, every sliver of security seemed like a joke. They were already beside him; there was no way to escape. Worse, they didn't want him now; they wanted her. They wanted Susan.

She was practically carried back to the King's bedroom; the largest and grandest bedroom in the entire castle was now her jail cell. She didn't receive any word from him since she was forced back in there this morning, and it was now well past sunset. She hated this; she was worried, she was confused, and nobody was checking in on her. She didn't know where he was, whether or not he was alright, she did not know anything. She suddenly heard someone came in, and it turned out to be Giany with a platter of food. Susan ran to her.

"Giany! Please, please tell me what is going on!" she begged. It was then that she noticed the old maid had been crying.  
"Oh, my dear, I am afraid I do not know. All I know is that the king is gone, he's been gone since midday, and nobody has seen him since. Oh, my child I am so worried,"  
"Where did he go?"  
"Nobody knew, my dear," she said, "I do hope he is okay, he's got to return here. The griffin that delivered the letter to the castle this morning was killed, it flew for the last time this morning and died just after it landed, it was hurt by them,"  
"Who? Hurt by who, Giany?" Susan was desperate.  
"Nobody knows, I think that is why the king went out, I don't know what goes on inside his mind, child, it sure is crazy for him to leave like this,"  
"Giany, please, you have got to let me go out and find him,"  
"My dear! Don't be crazy, you cannot go out and find him! Nobody knows where he is, and you are the king's mistress, his enemies want to have you as bait!"  
"I can't do nothing and stay in this room all day,"  
"He'll be back, he always did," Giany said, "you should just rest and eat first, if he doesn't come back tomorrow, the council has agreed to send more troops to his aid,"

Hours after the maid left, her dinner had become cold but it was silly to Susan if she ate while Caspian was nowhere to be found. She fidgeted around the room and walked back and forth in her night gown. The night grew colder and colder, still no sign of him. The castle emergency torches were all lit, dozens of soldiers were sent out in horses to look for the king. Susan felt like she could go crazy, and from all the worrying she finally tired and fell asleep on the edge of the bed. She woke up every hour, and each time she slept a new nightmare emerged. She was sweating but cold at the same time, and every hour or so someone checked in on her, opening the door ever slightly and saw that she was asleep. When it was near dawn she woke once again and couldn't go back to sleep, so she sat by the fire and stared at the burning embers. The castle was quiet now; everyone was asleep, the guards in front of her door didn't make a sound, and Susan felt alone.  
Suddenly the door was opened, and her head turned instantly to look at who was entering the door.  
She couldn't believe her eyes when she saw him, in his glory, his stubble and his chocolate shoulder-length half-tied up, in his shirt, tunic and breeches. But then Susan realized something strange. He was hunched, one of his eyes is darker, and his shirt was torn. He kept looking at her without saying anything, and suddenly he coughed and a pool of blood came out from his mouth like a vigorous waterfall, and he fell to his knees, his eyes closing slowly, and the next thing Susan remembered, the king of Narnia was on the ground.


	19. A Letter from The Tisroc

**YES I AM BACK!  
Oh I am so glad to finally continue writing for the beautiful, beautiful world of Narnia. So glad to be back, and I hope I will finish this story. To all the readers out there who read Unintended, BILY, or any of my stories, how are you? Hope you're still here, anyways enjoy!**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

Susan screamed and ran to him, seconds later guards were inside the room, and once again they were taking him away from her and her from him. Everything after that was a blur; she was shouting his name, and the last thing she remember seeing was his unconscious face, his head dropping to his side as the guards hurried and lifted him off the floor and onto his bed. Susan was made to sit down in the front part of his bedroom, and minutes later, doctors and his uncles stormed into the room, Giany was with her to calm her down as the doctors tended to their king. Hours had passed and the doctors who went in and out of the room seemed to exit with more blood on their shirts. Susan seemed to black out. She did not remember anything, only that she felt lightheaded and concentrated on her breathing and to not faint. Giany was crying, and outside Glenstorm was with Trumpkin, waiting on any hopeful good news. And after everything died down approximately 6 hours later, Susan woke up from her empty dream. She saw Giany still there, and she saw the doctors in front of her discussing his condition; Caspian's conditions. She immediately but queasily got up from her seat.

"How..how is he.." she seemed to be talking to herself, and her eyes stared to the bed chamber of his room, but one of the doctor quickly stood in her way.  
"Mistress Susan, I am sorry, it is best if my lady does not go in there just yet,"  
"How is he.." she said again, her eyes empty.  
"His royal highness is recovering, milady, he is under a lot of medication for the pain, it is best to let him rest,"  
"I want to see him,"  
"He broke his arm, and his ribs are fractured but the we are doing our best to put them back to their place,"  
"My lady," Gyrron said, "it is the king's orders that you stay inside his bedroom, and so we have prepared a separate bed for you to sleep so as to make yourself comfortable, it is wise to leave him be today. He has had a long day, and he needs to rest, milady,"  
Susan slowly nodded, and as if she was convincing herself, she nodded more vigorously.

The next morning she woke up and immediately jumped out of bed and walked over to him. The corridor to his bed chamber is guarded with 4 guards, and they saluted Susan as they saw her. She walked past them and felt heartbroken when she saw his condition.

His forehead was bandaged, and it was soon the time to change the bandage as it grew redder. His throat was also bandaged, and his arm was tied tightly with a cloth to his chest with a wooden plank beside his lower arm; it was broken. On his face was a brand new scar from his left eyebrow to the corner of his nostrils. His lips were red from leftover crusted blood that he had vomited the night before. Susan walked up beside him and sat in the armchair there. His right arm was filled with brand new scars, scars that were stitched up by the doctors last night. His right eye was bruised, his lip was cut, and a scar extended from the back of his head all the way to his chest. His left chest was all sorts of purple and blue, and on his neck and forehead was a layer of sweat. She took a towel and soaked it in the basin of cold water on his nightstand, squeezed it and wiped his sweat away. He was still unconscious, his breathing batted and his eyebrows slightly furrowed; Susan knew he was not resting well. All she could do was to sit down in the armchair beside his bed, and she did exactly that. Susan did not rest her back onto the chair, instead she sat upright and awkward, her gaze only to him. Not long after, one of the doctors stopped by and checked on the King, and he said some words to Susan but she forgot them except where the doctor told her that Caspian was doing better, and that he should be conscious soon. Gyrron stopped by after that, and Susan told him the good news and he was relieved. Outside, the people had come by one by one to the castle's gates and had dropped off flowers for the King, but Lyrn saw all that and decided to bring all the flowers inside and decorated the great hall with it. When he woke up, it was 2 days later and the circles under Susan's eyes were bigger than ever. She was asleep, and he began moving slightly, unconsciously moving his arm and realizing that it was broken, he moved his other arm and tried to lift himself up, that's when he groaned in pain realizing a sharp pain on his rib area. Susan woke with a jolt, and immediately ran to his side.  
"I don't smell so good," he said sheepishly, and Susan shook her head.  
"You fool,"  
"Wait what?" Caspian laughed a laughter that was stopped by his pain, "is that what you say to your hurt king?"  
"You stupid, insolent, irresponsible—"  
"Hey, hey—"  
"childish, stupid—"  
"You've said stupid already—"  
"Imbecile, idiotic, fool,"  
"I hate to ask you this, but do you have a problem with me?" he was smiling.  
"Caspian," she called his name, and he knew she was being serious. "What happened?"  
Slowly his smile was gone although he tried to keep his lips spread to not cause her worry. Caspian knew his efforts were useless; she was worried to her core. She hasn't even smiled when she saw him awake.  
"Nothing happened," he said, brushing off her question and was about to move to another teasing remark when she interrupted him.  
"Are you shitting me right now?" she said, and Caspian half-heartedly admitted his defeat in this argument. "Caspian, you broke a rib, your arm, and your head was almost split open. Your eye is bruised, you have new scars all over your body, not to mention the—"  
"Listen to me, listen to me," he said, trying hard to raise his voice above hers, "please don't worry about this,"  
"Think of what you are asking me to do," she said, "that is impossible,"  
"Susan," he said, "I don't need you to worry about me, I don't want you to,"  
She desperately wanted to touch him and caress him, but everywhere she looked, Caspian was hurt.  
"What you are asking of me," she said to him, "I cannot do that,"  
"What if I say that is an order?" he smiled weakly, his eyes closed and his forehead still sweating. Susan ignored him, and Caspian suddenly furrowed his eyebrows, "I told you…" he coughed, "I told you it was nothing,"  
The coughing got worse and Susan propped him up, being very, very cautious and very gentle to not touch any of his newly-stitched scars, and helped him cough into a handkerchief. He took the handkerchief away from her after he was done, and Susan thought nothing of it.  
"You need to eat and drink something,"  
"Yes," he finally admitted, "yes I should,"  
Susan rang the bell from inside his bedroom that led to the kitchen, and she knew right away that as soon as the bell rang, the kitchen staff got busy preparing food and his medicine for their king. She knew in approximately an hour's time, Gyrron and the doctors will check in on him again because Gyrron was in a meeting with the council now and will want to finish before going away to report everything to the newly-awaken king.  
The food arrived, and Giany gave Caspian a kiss on his forehead after expressing how happy she was that he was awake, he smiled happily at her presence which had always gave him warmth and happiness ever since he was a little boy.  
"Now, promise your dear Giany that you will eat this and the medicine to the very, very, veery last drop, my child," she said again.  
"I promise," he smiled reassuringly at her, "you don't have to worry about me,"  
She nodded, convincing herself that she shouldn't be worried now that he's awake, "come now, eat, my child,"  
"I will feed him," Susan said to her, "I will make sure he eats all of it,"  
Giany smiled, "of course, my dear girl," she said as she walked towards the door, but she turned and took a last look at her king before leaving, "Your Majesty," said she, "we are all glad you are back,"  
The maid curtsied and left.

Susan turned to look at him. She had the tray of food on the night stand beside his bed, and she began by taking a spoon and dipped it in the porridge in front of her. She held the porridge-filled spoon in front of his mouth, waiting for him to open it. Caspian didn't take his eyes off her as he opened his mouth and closed it, swallowed the porridge and felt the warmth of the savory rice go down to his stomach. Susan didn't say anything. A few spoonfuls later, he began a conversation.  
"I know you are mad at me," he said, "but can we just forget about this—"  
"Caspian," she said, a little sharply than usual, "never, ever do this to me again," she looked straight into his eyes, "ever."  
He looked at her, and with the truth, he replied; "I can't promise you that,"  
In her mind, she didn't know what to say to get him to tell her what happened. Susan stayed quiet.  
After his meal, the doctors came in and replaced his bandages, checked on his wounds and applied ointment on his skin, crushed herbs for him to eat and left, ordering the kitchen a new set of medicinal brew to give him. When Gyrron went in, Caspian graciously asked for a private audience with his uncle, and Susan took her leave. She stayed in her side of his bedroom, out of the conversation's way. Gyrron was on his way out when she stopped her.  
"My lord," she said as soon as she saw him, "please, do you know what happened to him?"  
"You know, he told me that you would ask me that,"  
Susan replied, "I have a right to know,"  
"Susan," Caspian called for her at that moment, and the two of them turned their head to the direction of his bed chamber.  
"I need to know, my lord, please," she said.  
Gyrron looked into the girl's eyes and saw genuine worry and fear.  
"He was taking a stroll down the beach when five drunkards stumbled upon him. They were armed, and he had only a sword,"  
"He was attacked?"  
"Yes, simply that. I have sent my men to search for those drunken hobos and they will be brought to justice. You can relax, my lady, he is going to be alright,"  
Susan thought to herself for a while before finally saying, "thank you, my lord," and curtsied to him. Gyrron left.  
"Susan," Caspian called for her again, and she walked to his bed chamber. When she entered, he smiled. Just as she was about to talk, a letter came from one of the guards. Susan opened it for him and told him it was a letter from Calormen. Adhiiskandar Tisroc was coming to Narnia.


	20. This is A Necklace for Queens

**I own nothing.**

* * *

His arrival was welcomed in Narnia with disdain and fake smiles. The King seemed like the only person in the castle to show happiness in receiving the Tisroc, which many blamed for the disappearance of the Narnian monarch for 7 years. Five weeks after the letter arrived informing them of his plan to come to Narnia, he did. Caspian was able to walk now; his arm was still bandaged tight to the piece of steel, his bruises recovering. The Tisroc's was a fleet of 5 ships, the biggest of all containing him and his private guards, a selection of his harem and the other 5 mainly of guards and baskets, crates, beds of flowers, gold and fruits of all kind, coffees, wine, and sweets. Caspian and his army had been waiting in the harbor, and when his ship set anchor, Caspian was ready to welcome him with open arms.

"Easy," Susan said as Caspian tried to walk forward.  
"I'm fine," he answered her, "walk with me,"  
Susan held his arm and carried part of his weight with her, supporting him in his steps. Five weeks wasn't a lot of time to heal, but Caspian was healing. Five boats of musicians played music as they rowed to shore, and when they were close the people heard that it was music of sorrow, melancholic music. Not long after, Aadhiiskandar stepped out of the ship and walked along the docks, dancers dancing and his royal maids bringing forth a parade of gold and beautiful fabrics, jewelries and perfume, all for the king. Caspian waited at the end of the dock, with Susan a few steps behind him. His guards all stood at the back, with an army of 30, nobilities of 50. Aadhi made his way, and when he reached the Narnian king he looked into his eyes, and sank down to his knees. He kissed the King's feet, and Caspian scrambled to get him to stand. Susan instantly helped him to hunch ever so slightly. Aadhi kissed his palms, and stood up.  
"I have failed you," Aadhi said, tears rolling from his eyes.  
"It's not your fault," Caspian said, "brother,"  
The Tisroc pulled him into a cautious embrace. He had been informed of the new injuries the Narnian King is enduring.  
"It feels strange embracing you in this cautious manner," he said, smiling, "I will make it up to you,"  
"Ah," Caspian smiled, "no talk of business here, for now we shall celebrate. Now, no more of this sadness, please, I've had enough for the past five weeks. Come, Aadhi, I want you to meet someone," he laughed, "this is Susan Pevensie,"  
"I've heard," Aadhi said as he bowed to her, "of your beauty, and dedication to the King,"  
"He has told me of your friendship, Your Grace, I thank you for your care for the King," Susan said as she lowered herself in respect.  
"Yes, well I can't say the same. I have come to offer my sincerest apology, regret and pledge to do whatever I can to avenge the King,"  
"Aadhi, no more talk of it here. Come, let's go to the castle, I have so much to share with you…"

* * *

"You found a girl," Aadhi said, smiling.  
"She's not just a girl," Caspian replied, "she's..she's different,"  
"In what way?"  
Aadhi poured a cup of coffee for him and mentioned about its healing powers, a newfound drink from Calormen, and the two relaxed in the King's receiving room. Bright sunlight entered the abundance of windows in that room, guards stood by outside.

"I," Caspian started, "I might be in love,"  
Aadhi started laughing and put down his cup.  
"Well that's great news my friend!" Aadhi said, still laughing, "so, exactly what's happened with her?"  
Caspian shrugged, "you don't want to know,"  
Aadhi once again laughed, "Oh come on," he said, "you know me better than anyone, and I know you know I am the perfect man to tell this to1, whatever pedigree she has, and I mean whatever,"  
Caspian smiled, "you're not going to believe this,"  
"Try me,"  
Caspian sipped the coffee from his cup, and put the cup down at the table in front of him.  
"She is my mistress,"  
"Your what?"  
"Mistre—"  
"Yes, I heard you," Aadhi said, "aren't mistresses supposed to be for married men?"  
"I didn't plan to take her as a wife,"

Aadhi hear something in his tone, a newfound fact, something Caspian didn't even realize until he said it just now.  
"I heard past tense,"  
Caspian grinned. "I don't know, I don't know what it is about her, she's just.. I enjoy her company, very very much,"  
Aadhi looked from the corner of his eyes, silently telling him that he knew he was sugarcoating.

"Alright, I ..I'm thinking of asking her to marry me,"  
It was at that moment Aadhi stopped thinking.  
"Marriage?" he asked.  
"Yes,"  
"Oh, my brother," the Tisroc said, "I am so happy for you," he laughed in joy.  
"It's just a thought,"  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean, marrying me would mean a great deal of sacrifice for her,"  
"You're the King, she's a commoner,"  
"Exactly. I'm the King,"  
Aadhi was trying to make sense of his words when he realized what Caspian meant.

"Cas," he started, "I've sent out 120 troops to search for the people who did this to you and—"  
"Aadhi,"  
"I swear, they will be put to justice. I promise you. I give you my word as the Tisroc to the King, they will be punished for what they've done to you and to Narnia. My men are searching in every nook and cranny for signs of that sort of business that's open, and we've brought those we found to justice, we've given them the proper sentences, and I have vowed to clean those up by next 12 moon,"  
"Aadhi, I just—"  
"Let me finish," he said, "I have a lead. From your descriptions, the painting on the wall of orange fishes, I have currently 7 groups of men, each of whom hang a similar painting to your description on their walls. I will bring them to Narnia, as you are not fit to travel, my friend, your health is very important to me. I will bring them to you, with every bit of security I can provide, 100 troops of men, you name it. It will be done,"

Caspian saw the seriousness in his eyes, and indeed it was a serious matter. Aadhi was very careful not to ruin the relationship between their countries, but more importantly he was very careful not to lose his friendship. The two of them have been friends since childhood, after all.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to avenge me,"  
"But I do," Aadhi said, "if not for you, for your country. They've done you and Narnia wrong, and as their monarch, I will pay,"  
"I really thank you for your support in this,"  
"It is my duty to you as an ally. The men have been hanged. Now, I will send my troops to get the criminals here, and you can pick them, which one you recognized, and they will die a grotesque death. I can promise you that,"  
Caspian shook his head, "I don't want their deaths,"  
"It is law in Calormen," he said, "and it is a crime between nations,"

Caspian couldn't argue there; he knew perfectly well that it was a serious crime, one that was punishable by death. Caspian patted Aadhi at the back.

At that moment, the door opened and in came Susan, dressed in a jade colored dress, her pale skin seemed especially pale with all the sunlight that was coming into that room. Her hair was curly and chocolate brown, it was combed to her back and she had a tray of food with her.

"Food for the monarchs," she smiled, "and medicine, for my King,"  
"My darling, have you eaten?" Aadhi asked her, "come, join us,"  
She sat down in a chair that Aadhi pulled out for her, and the Tisroc took the food from her hands and set it on the table. Susan laid out a napkin and put it on Caspian's lap before they started eating.

"So for the celebration tonight, milady," Aadhi said, "will you be there?"  
"Oh, I.." she paused, "I feel quite under the weather today, Your Grace, so I might stay out of it,"  
"Nonsense," Caspian said, serious, "you are coming,"  
"Pardon me, my lords, I wasn't aware that mistresses are allowed to show at diplomatic celebrations,"  
"Oh, pish posh," Aadhi said, "it is to honor the bond and friendship of our two countries, it would be the greatest honor, to Calormen and to our strong bond with Narnia, that the King's favorite be at the ball,"  
"He's right," Caspian said, "I want you there," his voice was a bit pressing. Susan shrugged but with a smile, she finally nodded her head.  
"Splendid," Aadhi said, "it'll be fun. Now, I will go and spend time in my regular, non-ship room and appreciate a sturdy, no-moving floor. I will see you tonight, Your Majesty, and to you, my lady," Caspian lowered his head and Susan curtsied. The Tisroc left.

Susan continued to arrange the tray that she had put down, a stir here, added sugar there, and Caspian made a mental note in his mind that jade was definitely her color; it complimented her complexion perfectly. It was then that Caspian noticed that she was pale today, a little bit too pale. She made her way to him, and Caspian quickly took her hands.  
"Are you alright?"  
"What are you talking about?" she asked him back.  
"You are looking rather pale, today," he said, "do you feel okay?"  
"Well I've felt a bit light-headed this past few days, but nothing out of the ordinary. It's just this weather,"  
Caspian looked at her face, traced the veins that showed near her eyes and neck.  
"I think you need to eat," he said, smiling, "have lunch with me. The garden might be too hot at this hour, what do you say about having lunch in my room?"  
"Sure," she grinned, delighted at the idea, and she helped him get up from his seat. He offered her his arm and she took it as they both walked out of the room and to Caspian's bedchambers. He had a slight limp in his steps, and Susan held his arm as she supported him.  
"Good afternoon my King, Mistress Susan,"  
"Good day Your Majesty, Mistress Susan,"  
To each of the people who greeted them, the two smiled and nodded their head.  
"How do you feel about that?" he asked, suddenly.  
"How do I feel about what?" she asked him back.  
"About being called Mistress," he looked at her, "I don't like them calling you that,"  
Susan smiled teasingly, "but I am your Mistress,"  
"I just think you ought to be called something else,"  
"It doesn't matter, really," she said, "you don't have to think about that. Just focus on getting better, please,"  
He laughed, "you've been saying that to me for the last 5 weeks,"  
"Only because you haven't been listening to me for the last 5 weeks,"  
"What do you mean I haven't been listening to you?" he said, "you're pretty much the only one I listen to,"  
"Caspian, you challenged Glenstorm to a duel last week," she said, "not exactly what I call 'focusing on getting better' now, is it?"  
"I need to get in shape, I can't let go completely of training just because of this injury,"  
"Listen to yourself, will you?" she laughed, "your arm is broken,"  
"My arm is healing. Look, I know when to stop, okay? Don't worry about me," he said.  
"That is not going to happen," she said, laughing.  
"Good afternoon, Your Majesty, Mistress Susan,"  
"Good afternoon," Susan replied the guard as he opened the door to the King's bedroom for them, and Caspian looked at her while smiling sarcastically and stepping inside his room. Once the door closed behind them, he spoke.  
"See what I mean?"  
"I don't know why it bothers you," she replied, "I am your mistress,"  
Caspian didn't reply and Susan didn't think much of it. She helped him sit down in his bed and she sat down in front of him, their lunch was prepared for them. Their room was dark, Caspian had asked for all the curtains to be closed.  
"This again?" Caspian asked, laughing as he saw the seared beef and a big bowl of boiled spinach, "I've had this every meal for the last week,"  
"Beef is—"  
"Good for my muscles and spinach for digestion, yes I know," he smiled, and Susan laughed, "I'll eat it,"  
"I think maybe I can tell Giany to change your menu from tomorrow,"  
"You're my hero, really," he joked. The two of them tucked in to their food. After a couple of bites, Caspian put down his fork and looked at her as she put a spoonful of food into her mouth.  
"What?" she asked.  
"Nothing," he said as he continued to eat, smiling.  
"Caspian," she called his name.  
"Hmm?"  
She spent some time thinking whether or not she should ask, but she decided to do so.  
"About the ball tonight,"  
"What about the ball tonight?"  
"Do you think it is really okay for me to go?"  
"Of course," he said, "what makes you think otherwise?"  
"Well it's just that I'm not sure whether or not I should attend at all. It is a diplomatic ball, and usually mistresses don't attend that kind of events,"  
"Aadhi has invited you himself, this is a celebration for him," Caspian replied, "it would be rude not to attend, love,"  
Susan swallowed her food before replying, "yeah," she smiled.  
"Now, I've got you something,"  
Her smile turned into a grin and she put down her fork, "what have you done?"  
Caspian laughed, "it's uhm, it's a surprise. Now, I've been planning this for days now, and I really hope you like it,"  
"What is it?" she asked him, excited.  
Caspian reached out to his night stand with his right hand, and from the drawers he pulled out a box crusted with pearls and gave it to her. Susan opened it and saw what was inside.

"You didn't," she said to him, "oh, Caspian,"  
The young king smiled. "Like it?"  
"Like it?" she sarcastically asked as she looked once again at the emerald and pearl necklace and that was when she realized that the necklace was too extravagant, the stones too big, the pearls too many.

"I can't accept this," she said to him.  
"Nonsense," Caspian said, "it is my gift, to you. To thank you, and show my love to you,"  
"Caspian this is a necklace for queens, for nobles, I can't—I can't wear this,"  
"Of course you can," he answered her, "as far as I know, you are the closest this country has to a queen anyway,"  
She kept staring at the piece of jewelry in front of her, and Caspian stood up, took her hand and guided her to the mirror. He opened the box and lifted the necklace from the velvet, placed it around her neck, stood behind her and put his arm around her waist.  
"Look," he said, his head on her shoulders, "I want you to know, that I love you. And I want the whole world to know as well, how special you are to me. If it's okay with you, I want you to wear it to the ball tonight. Let the prude ladies of the court be green with envy,"  
Susan smiled, and finally she said, "thank you,"  
"It's nothing," he replied, and he kissed her forehead. Susan was about to kiss his lips when she remembered what he had said about kissing, and she pulled away.  
"I'm beginning to tire of not being able to kiss you when I want to," she said as she moved across the room and back to their little dining area.  
"You can kiss me," he said.  
"On the cheeks? Like a sister would a brother?"  
"Why does it matter to you?" Caspian asked, "you have me, the whole of me, my body, my soul,"  
"I don't," she said, "I can't kiss your lips,"  
"Yes but my lips kissed you," he said, "every part of you,"  
Susan laughed, "that's true,"  
"Anyways I think I should do something about what they call you,"  
"Oh, let's not," she said, "the last thing I want is for you to give me when there are others that need them more than I. Titles, land,"  
"Necklace,"  
"Exactly. Now I accept the jewelry you've given me but no more,"  
"I'm sorry to say this but if I want to give you something, there's really nothing you can do to stop me,"  
"You're a pain in the ass,"  
Caspian laughed. The rest of their afternoon is filled with laughter and chatter, and when the evening came, they both got ready for the ball. Susan had on a yellow taffeta dress, adorned with jewels and pearls, and of course the necklace Caspian had given her. She looked at her reflection and said to herself over and over again that she looked to extravagant. Caspian came in to the room and had on a gold tunic, a white shirt, black breeches and his crown. They both entered the ball in full swing; Caspian addressed the public and Calormen, and the whole room continued on partying. Caspian and Aadhi introduced Susan to a hundred new faces, and they all chatted and laughed the night away. At one point in the night she was able to get away from it all, and finally she felt like she could breathe. She walked outside the castle to the balcony, away from the partying, dancing and laughing crowd. She sat on a bench on the balcony and stared out to the Narnian seas, breathing, relaxing.

"Good evening, Mistress Susan,"  
She turned her head and saw a man standing a few steps from her, "good evening," she replied, curious about the identity of her mysterious greeter.

"I am Kareemandar," the man said, "advisor to the great Adhiiskandar Tisroc,"  
"Oh, how do you do," she said again, but something told her that this man was strange. There was something in his smile that seemed cunning to her, but she remained where she was.  
"I am doing very well, my lady, thank you," he said, "why, that's a beautiful necklace, Mistress Susan,"  
Susan smiled, "yes it's a gift from the king," she answered, "thank you for your compliment,"  
"Oh, it is a gift from King Caspian?" he asked, "I must say, he has very excellent taste. So, I suppose, marriage is in the air?"  
"What?" Susan was caught off guard. Kareemandar smiled coyly, as if he had known that she was not supposed to know that information, as if he was hiding something, and the truth is he was.

"Oh, pardon me O Beauty," he said, covering his mouth as if he had just realized that he'd done something wrong, "it seems hard to believe that the king would give such an extravagant piece of jewelry to just a woman, every Narnian king gifts an emerald necklace as a pre-engagement present,"  
Susan laughed it off, "You must be terribly mistaken,"  
"Am I?"  
"Yes," she answered, stammering, "the…the King and I have no intention to marry,"  
At that moment, Kareemandar smiled a genuine smile, a smile that showed relief, it showed satisfaction, but still he asked; "why ever not, my lady?"

At that moment Caspian walked out to the balcony. Susan and the man both turned their heads, surprised that he was there.

"Susan," Caspian said, "go inside,"  
She tried to figure out what was going on, but she eventually did as she was told. Susan looked at Caspian's face when she passed him and stood there for a moment, but he didn't even look at her. With that, Susan left.  
Caspian was now left with Kareemandar, whose genuine smile suddenly went back to his original one.

"I see the necklace you've given her," he said, "a fine piece of jewelry,"  
"Nothing more than an extravagant piece for the castle whore,"  
Kareemandar laughed, "you honestly think we will believe what you say?"  
"Why would you not?" he was expressionless; his fists clenched.  
"Because we know the truth," Kareemandar answered him, "face it, king," the word came out of his mouth like a filthy and disgusting one, "you are in love. And for that, she will die,"  
"No,"  
"You haven't been replying the Commander's orders,"  
"Why should I?"

Suddenly Kareemandar's smile faded.  
"Listen, you bastard," he said, "you will obey the commander and you will keep your promise,"  
"You are in my castle," Caspian replied, "hundreds, thousands of guards are here. You take one step not in my favor and I can kill you with a flick of my fingers,"  
Kareemandar suddenly laughed. "Then I will have the girl,"

Caspian silenced at that.  
"The commander is not sure you are in love," he continued to say, "but I think you are. Careful Caspian," Kareemandar smiled, "I had her hair. Next time it will be her blood,"

He began walking away.  
"Oh, and you know what I just discovered not a minute ago?" the man asked, a sly smile in his face, Caspian gave him no response.  
"I asked her about your request for marriage which I think will happen in the near future because you don't think I will be here," he said, "and she was afraid. Congratulations, she is in love with you too,"

The Narnian King stood still, trying his best not to move as Kareemandar walked past him, and he was left alone in the balcony.


	21. An Ending, A Beginning

Okayy this chapter is an M rating! You've been warned!

I own nothing.

* * *

Caspian felt queasy. He walked back into the ballroom where almost immediately he was swarmed with lords and diplomats wanting to talk to him, and he replied with blank nods and half-hearted smiles, and when he reached the end of the diplomat line; there Susan stood, her hands squeezing his arm and half shaking him, to get a reply. Caspian didn't hear what she said to him. He was thinking, rapidly searching his brain for an answer, a solution. The past few weeks have been peaceful ever since the incident, he thought it was over. He thought they had had enough. Obviously he was wrong, lethally wrong. Aadhi noticed something was wrong, and he distracted the masses with laughter and charming anecdotes, grand gestures and dances. Caspian vanished, and it was Gyrron and Lyrn's job to explain that the King has retired because he was still a bit unwell. Susan followed him almost immediately after he went out of the ballroom. She walked hurriedly through the corridors and passed by the maids and guards, who bowed to her, greeted her. When she reached his bedroom door, it was opened for her and closed behind her. Caspian had his back to her and took off his tunic, then his shirt.

"What happened?" Susan asked him, distressed. He didn't answer her.  
"Caspian," she pressed on, walking towards him. As soon as he felt her hands on him, Caspian turned around and looked at her. He looked as if he had a lot to say, but when he opened his lips, only two words came out of his mouth;  
"I'm sorry,"

Susan didn't understand what was going on. He began caressing her hair, caressing her skin and kissed her forehead, her cheeks, put his arms around her waist and kissed her neck, feeling her pulse through the vein there with his lips, and began undressing her.  
"Caspian," she said, trying to get him to stop, pushing his hands away from her, "Caspian," she held his face with her two hands, but he didn't stop.  
"I need to have you," he said, "right now,"

He began undressing her again, and this time Susan didn't stop him. She stayed silent when the last piece of her clothing fell from her body to the floor, didn't reject him when he started biting on her nipples, didn't reject him when his fingers played with her clit, and didn't reject him when he pumped in and out of her, gripping her waist for support. She went along with everything. She jumped up and down to make her breasts bounce while he lied on the bed and pleasured himself, she whispered sweet things in his ears as she straddled him on the bed and swayed her hips. She stuck her breasts out and let him lick them, she let him spank her and rolled her eyes to the top of her head and arched her back as he picked up his pace. She screamed his name as she begged for him to continue, to finish inside her, and when he did, they both were sweaty and naked and held each other close, her on top of him, both sitting.

Hours later, they lied together, not asleep, thinking.  
"Tell me," she said, lying on his chest.  
"I can't," he answered her, and it was a truthful answer.  
She had had enough. Susan was about to get up before he pulled her back.

"Don't leave," he said.  
"Tell me,"  
"I.." he said, "I can't let you in,"  
"Can't let me in what?" she was angry, "look..look at you," Susan touched all the newly healed scar and wounds, "let me be a part of this, of the ugly side, of the dangerous side,"  
"Think of what you are asking me to do," he replied, "I love you. I don't know what I would do if they got to you,"

"Who?" she asked, frustrated, "if who got to me?"  
He silenced.  
"They know now,"  
"Know what?"  
"They know of my feelings for you," he said, "I've told you, it's a dangerous thing,"  
"Let them! Let them, I don't care, Caspian I don't care!"  
"Susan," he said, "you don't know what you are talking about. They are dangerous, they are looking to kill you,"

She couldn't reply then; she didn't know what to make of that.  
"Kill me?" she asked, "why?"  
"Don't you see?" he said to her, "you are supposed to be my mistress, not my lover. I am the King of Narnia, I have enemies. And now my enemies know my weakness, they know how to get to me; through you,"  
"Your enemies?" she asked, "are they the ones who did this to you?" she said, instinctively touching his scar. Caspian shrugged away and stood up from his bed. Susan looked at his naked back before getting up and stood right in front of him.

"Caspian," she said, "you can't keep me out forever,"  
"I'll take that as a challenge," his was a weary smile; a tired grin, "one that I'm going to win,"  
"Stop it," she said, "I don't know anything about what's going on, what's happening,"  
"It's that exact fact that's keeping you alive,"  
"It's my life too," she said to him, "I deserve to know,"  
"Susan," he said, "please," it was a sound of defeat.  
"You can't protect me from everything," she said again. He didn't answer her, didn't even look at her.

"Who was that man?" she asked him, her voice sharp.  
Caspian lifted his gaze to look at her, and she could see the water welling up in his eyes.  
"Is he really Aadhi's advisor like he said he is?" she kept her eyes on his, waiting.

"No," it came out with a breath, as if he couldn't believe he was telling her that.  
"Is he the one who did this to you?" she touched the new scar on his face, "Caspian, answer me,"  
He began looking away.  
"Yes," he said again.  
"Was he alone?" she asked him, tears in her eyes now.  
"Yes," it was monotonous.

Susan searched frantically for something in his expression that will tell her something more, but she didn't find it.

"Why didn't you fight back?" she cried, "why did you let him do this to you?"  
He didn't answer her, and Susan cupped his jaw and lifted his head to look at her.  
"Caspian," she said again, "answer me," her voice was soft, hurt, gentle. The water drop that was welling in his eyes now dropped.

"Better me than you,"

The words came out of him like a small relief, like he had been keeping it inside himself for the longest time and he's finally let a small piece of it go now.

"Why does he want to hurt us?"  
"Isn't it obvious enough?" he said, "he wants power,"  
"What can we do about it?"  
"We?" he repeated the word, "there is no we in this. I am doing something about it, and so are the lords. Please, Susan, the last thing I want you to worry about is this. Nobody is going to hurt you, I swear. I promise,"

The two of them looked at each other for a while, not knowing what the other is thinking, unspoken words between them went by silently, and his gaze flicked to her lips. Caspian leaned in ever so slightly, stopping abruptly when his lips were not even an inch from her, breathing her in, breathing the possibility of a kiss. He closed his eyes, savored her, ravaged her scent, and dwelled in it.

"Nobody can know of what I feel for you," he said.  
"Am I to keep my distance from you?"

Caspian looked away for a while before suddenly pushing her to the bed post and pressed her against it. Susan turned around and suddenly went down on him, licking his naked member and sucking it in her mouth. He tried as hard as he could to suppress his moans, he threw his head back and started to lift her up and pulled in and out of her. He went to the bed and sat, with her pressed against him, her arms around his neck and his around her waist. Susan pulled his hair when he went too fast, and he kissed her naked breasts, sucked on her erect nipples. She held on to him desperately, threw her head back as he continued to lick and suck on her breast, moaning his name, begging him to slow down, begging him to give her relief. She arched her back and Caspian admired her bouncing boobs, as it sprang free, bouncing up and down with his thrusts. Caspian brought his hand to her stomach and lower, flicking her clit with his fingers, rolling the around it and playing with it, finding pleasure in seeing her suddenly moaning loud, her screaming his name, finding pleasure in seeing her so desperate, so helpless, so weak in his hands.

"Caspian!" she was breathy, "Caspian, please, please," she said, her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes closed, her mouth agape.  
"Stay with me, stay with me,"  
"Faster, faster," she begged.  
He picked up his pace and was addicted to how her breasts jiggled, bounced, in front of his face. She leaned back and let her breasts sprang free, bouncing, jiggling, all for him.  
"Suck my tits, suck my tits, baby..." she whispered breathily, but he suddenly stopped. He stopped everything he was doing and looked at her, at her eyes, still inside her, his arms around her.  
"What's...what's the matter?" Susan asked, confused as to why he was stopping, "you…you want me to shake it? Is that what you want?" she began shaking her breasts, vigorously moving up and down to let her breasts shake, "is this what you want? Huh? Is this what you want? Come on baby tell me,"  
He instantly pulled her back in and licked her breast, savoring her perky nipples and nibbled on it. His stubble tickled her breasts and she let out a tiny squeal and Caspian played with her other nipple with his fingers, gently twisting it, rubbing it, milking it. Susan jumped at the coldness of his fingertips, and it kept her on edge the whole time.  
"Caspian.." she called his name, breathy.  
"Say you want me,"  
Susan tried as hard as she could to hold it in.  
"I..I want you," she said to him.  
"Lie down, let me look at you," he said, and Susan lied down in front of him, and he didn't stop pulling and pushing into her, her tits jiggling, her hair messy.  
"Caspian, please, please,"  
"Please what?"  
"Please make me cum," she said, the words came out of her in one breath.  
"Please what?" he asked again on purpose, and she struggled to speak.  
"Please..please make me cum,"  
"Say it, say it again," he said, and Susan scrunched her eyes shut.  
"Please make me..please make me cum! Please! Please!"  
He tried to hold in it, shut his eyes and concentrated, and he buckled under her in throes of passion, agony, satisfaction. He scooped her up, holding her in his arms, the two of them still entangled.

"Susan," he said, "I don't want you anymore,"

There was a silence that followed.  
"What?" she said in disbelief, "what do you mean?"  
He pulled away from her, stepped back. "I am dismissing you from the court. Tomorrow, you may go," he started to pull away, and pushed her away to his side, and stood up.

"Caspian—"  
"For now you may sleep here," he said, "I will inform Giany to pack up your things, and then I will send Willan to you, to your house,"  
"You.." Susan said in disbelief, "you can't do this to me!"

She got up and walked hurriedly to him, angry, frustrated, afraid.  
"Caspian, Caspian listen, listen to me," she said, "you're losing me, this is you letting me go,"  
"I have to," he replied.  
"No, you don't," she said to him again, "if you do this, you're giving up on us,"  
"Susan," he looked at her straight in the eyes, "there is no us anymore,"

She was left there bewildered, alone, naked. Caspian put on his robe, and without saying another word, left.


	22. Keep Your Friends Close, And?

**I own nothing.**

* * *

Caspian had spent the entire morning in the throne room, standing over the great table where the map of Narnia lay, and he discussed strategies, with the council and with Aadhi. The Tisroc and a few of his guards stood there, lightly laughing with the king but never too relaxed. Hours after the council meeting was over, Caspian still stayed inside the room, alone. Aadhi had exited with the others, but when he realized that Caspian was nowhere to be found, he went back to the Narnian throne room and found the king there.

"You're still here," the Tisroc said, and Caspian looked up from the scroll he was reading.  
"Yes I am,"  
Aadhi made his way towards his friend, the throne room awfully quiet. There were only soldiers guarding the doors, far from hearing distance.  
"So I was thinking," Aadhi said, "how about a pearl rattle for your child?"  
Caspian smiled but didn't look up, "how about everlasting peace between our two countries, for my child's future and your offspring's reign,"  
"A good idea, but not quite like a Calormen pearl rattle, you know,"

He was joking, and Aadhi laughed.  
"You are coming to the celebration tomorrow?"  
"What celebration?"  
"It's uhm," Caspian muttered, "it's a moon into the pregnancy, Narnians celebrate the heir's coming into the world every moon,"  
"Of course I will be there," Aadhi answered, an obvious one.

"So," the Tisroc said again, "how is she?"

The answer would be an easy question to answer, and Aadhi had expected him to answer with smiles, with hopeful grins, excited gestures. Instead, Caspian's smile faded and he stayed silent.

"Maybe I'll get her some flowers, you know to brighten her days. Where is she now?"  
Caspian still didn't answer.

"You still haven't been to see her?"  
"I had other things on my hands,"  
"Caspian," Aadhi said, "she is pregnant with your child, the heir to the Narnian throne,"  
"I know, I put that heir inside of her,"  
"You told me you wanted to marry her,"  
Caspian shrugged, "I wasn't thinking straight,"  
"Look," Aadhi said to him, "she has been asking for you for two weeks now,"  
"Oh I'm sorry," Caspian said, "I wasn't aware that the king is under obligation to answer whenever and whoever calls for him,"  
"Just," Aadhi said finally, "listen, I'm not speaking to you now as a diplomat. I'm speaking to you as a friend, a life-long friend who is concerned about what you are trying to achieve; just go see her. Don't be a fucking asshole, you got a girl pregnant, don't abandon her in this,"

Caspian put down the scroll in his hands, and looked at Aadhi for a while. When he was about to speak, the door to the throne room opened and in came the very person who they were talking about.

She stood there in a pink dress, her chocolate waves behind her and her skin as radiant as the sun. Her lips were pink and plump, and Aadhi looked at the king one last time before he left. On his way out he kissed Susan's hand and exited the throne room.

She made her way towards him and Caspian turned his back on her.  
"I..I—"  
"Your presence is not requested," Caspian said, making his way to his throne. "Why are you here?"  
"I haven't seen you for 3 weeks—"  
"There is a reason for that," he replied, "isn't it obvious enough?"

He sat there, not looking at her. She was rejected, humiliated.  
"If you don't want me here, let me go,"  
"That is out of the question," he said lightly, still looking at the scrolls he had in his hands. Susan was frustrated.  
"Caspian," she said, "you treat me like this and expect me to stay here with your child, no. I will go. I demand you send me home, or else,"  
"That is Your Majesty to you," he hissed, "and or else what?" he was challenging her.  
"I will run away,"  
"Then I'll have you killed right after that baby is born," he said, "you are not going anywhere,"  
For the first time in that conversation, he was looking at her eyes, angry and determined. His hair was slightly longer since that last time she saw him, and the stubble on his jaw and chin still there. In his mind, Caspian was blown away even though he tried to hide it. She was wearing her pink sleeveless dress, a deep V neckline exposed her breasts which seemed to have somehow grown, expanded, and her cleavage was attracting his attention. He was determined that he had to do this, he had to push her away, and it was extremely difficult for him to do so when he looks at her, and so Caspian went back to his scrolls. It was then that the door opened, and in came Gyrron and a few of the other lords, happy and joyfully chatting.

"Your Majesty!" Gyrron said, "we have a guest for you, and has requested a private audience with the King, I believe my liege will be very happy to receive him,"

As Caspian looked up and saw who the guest was, he froze.  
The man was standing next to Gyrron and Lyrn, dressed in green and a cunning smile on his face, looking at Caspian after he bowed to him, and the Narnian king couldn't speak. Susan noticed something was wrong.

"Ah, my lady!" Gyrron said, "I am so happy that you are well," he kissed her hand. Susan smiled.  
"She was just leaving," Caspian said to them, and then to Susan in a smaller voice, "get out of my sight,"  
At that moment, Gyrron knew something was deeply wrong. He didn't say anything as the mistress curtsied and finally left.  
"So, you have taken a lover?" the guest asked with a smile on his face, "I am not surprised at all, given your credits with the ladies eh?" he laughed.

Caspian could not believe he was really here, in all his wicked gloriousness. Wes was tall, and blonde with blue eyes, his build muscular and about Caspian's height, he was a figure the King thought he would never see again. He was wrong.

"Lords of the council," Caspian said, "leave us," and they did.

When the throne room is closed, Caspian began talking.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"I have an army with me," the guest in return said, "you haven't been obeying my commands," he said again in a lower voice, his expression teasing him. Caspian hurriedly commanded the guards to leave the room and they did.  
"Our deal was that the castle is untouched," Caspian hissed.  
"Our deal, was that you obey my commands and I don't attack,"  
"Everything is undergone, it is processing,"  
"Well I want it done now," the guest said, "all I know is that I have commanded you to kill him and you haven't,"  
"Gyrron is an esteemed lord of the court," Caspian said, "it cannot be done in an instant. He has guards in his house and guards following him around all day,"  
"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you are stalling my plan and if that is the case, I've got no choice but to do this myself,"  
"No, no, please I beg you," Caspian said, his voice desperate, "just give me time, Wes,"

The man called Wes stayed silent for a while.  
"I am warning you, _King,"_ he hissed, "if you don't do as I say, your country and you will suffer for it. I have an army waiting to attack at any given moment. And if you don't do what we agreed, I will,"

Wes left the throne room and Caspian was there, once again; alone.

* * *

"Wes," Gyrron said, and Wes looked up from his book, squinted his eye for the sun shone brightly in the gardens, "how are you, my boy?"  
"I'm very well, uncle," Wes said, "it has been a long time since I came to Narnia. I miss it very much,"  
"I'm sure, you practically grew up here, with Caspian," Gyrron said, "may I?" he gestured to the seat beside him.  
"Please, do," Wes said, moving a bit to his left. "How is he, uncle?"  
Gyrron sighed, "well we were worried about him when he came back, all of a sudden after 7 years he's come back to us and we are very grateful. Aadhi Tisroc is here, I'm sure you haven't seen him today,"  
"No, I haven't,"  
"Yes, Aadhi has been so kind to Caspian and has helped tremendously on the search of his captors,"  
"I can imagine. Aadhi has always been the big brother to me and Caspian,"  
"Yes, I suppose he is. My boy, have you any lunch? We are serving it in a moment, I hope you will dine with us,"  
"Yes, I will," Wes replied him, "in fact let's make our way now,"

The two men got up and walked over to the great hall, and Wes did what he was supposed to do; he talked about how the castle has changed and Gyrron showed him the architectural rebuilt that had to be done after the war, and Wes listened diligently. He made a right turn after a few minutes of walking, and that was when he almost bumped into her.

"Oh, I'm sorry my lady," Wes said, "are you alright?"  
"I'm quite fine, thank you my lord,"

Wes knew she was in the throne room earlier, but he noticed her up close now. Her chocolate hair fell down to her waist, all at her back and baring her collarbone, sticking out from her shoulders. His eyes immediately noticed her breasts; perky, bountiful and all suppressed by a dress that seemed too small for her heavy chest. She wore a sleeveless dress in a shade of pink that matches the color of her plump, pink lips. Her eyes were ice blue as they looked straight at him.

"I believe we have not been introduced," Wes remarked, "I am Wes,"  
"Wes…?"  
"Just Wes," he replied.

"Wes here is a long-time friend of the King," Gyrron explained.  
"Susan Pevensie, Your Grace," she replied, "I am terribly sorry,"  
"Not to worry," he said to her, "It is my fault, completely, milady. I do hope you'll forgive me and join me for lunch,"  
"Oh," she shrugged, "I'm sorry, Your Grace, but I think I'd rather eat in my quarters,"  
"Nonsense," he said, "you must come,"  
Wes was so deep into her ice blue orbs that he felt he could drown in them. He was sure that he had never seen a woman so beautiful, so radiant, so alluring.  
"I'm very sorry, Your Grace I—"  
"If not lunch," he said, "how about dinner?"  
Susan again shrugged, "my dinner and breakfast companies are reserved for the King, it is the custom," she said. Susan looked at the floor, thinking to herself that the dinner will always be alone, Caspian doesn't show up anymore.  
At that moment, Wes felt a kind of fury, a feeling that ripped his heart apart and set his skull ablaze. He was jealous.  
"Some other time then," he smiled, and he bowed to her, and took her hand. As he kissed the back of her palm, Wes looked up to her eyes and Susan felt undressed. When he left, she felt safe again, comfortable, and clothed. There was another feeling that Susan didn't recognize, and when she did, she wasn't sure what to do; excited.

* * *

"Lady Susan," the guard knocked, "dinner is prepared for you in the great hall,"  
Susan answered from inside her room, "thank you,"  
Ever since that day, Susan was sent to sleep elsewhere, in her own private chambers now. Her dinners are supposed to be spent with Caspian, the two of them alone; that was the etiquette in the castle that a successful mistress is given the king's time, but he never comes. Caspian never shows up for dinner, and every night she has to spend dinner alone, in the great hall. But that is not the worst thing, because every maid, every cook and guard lines up every single night a few meters away from the table, and every night Susan knew she would be alone, that he wouldn't even bother to show up and show respect to her, and that her failure would be witnessed by all who will be present. And every night she hopes for him to come. And every night, she would be disappointed.

She wore green today, encrusted with pearls and gold trims, and as she brushed her hair and looked at the vanity in front of her, she saw how she was getting thinner, her bones stuck out sharply, the veins around her neck were visibly blue, and her chest was getting bigger, that was for sure. She quietly made her way to the great hall and saw the long table set up there, two sets of cutleries set up, and the butler, the cooks and maids all lined up neatly a good 10 meters away. She saw the empty seat across from hers, and tried very hard not to show any change of expression. She sat down, and a maid came up to her to scoop her the food she wanted.  
"Mistress Susan," a guard stood next to her and said, "the King has expressed his great sorrow in not joining you for dinner tonight,"  
"Yes," she replied, "thank you,"

She began eating. The dinner was stuffed chicken roulade with bitter vegetables and kidney beans, and a lot more that Susan did not touch. She ate silently and without much enthusiasm, and looked down to her plate the entire time. When she finished, Susan exited quietly, and retired to her room, alone.

* * *

She had been sitting in the breakfast room for over an hour, and she didn't touch her food at all. And she knew, in the back of her mind that people were talking unkindly of how the King never eats with the mistress, or how she must have done something to lose the favor of the King. She looked out the window and saw how the sun was well up in the sky now, and it was nearly midday. A guard entered, and she knew what he was going to say.  
"Mistress Susan," he started, "the King expressed his greatest regret in not joining you for breakfast this morning,"  
She had said every word in her mind and did not get one word wrong.  
"Thank you, Felipe," she replied, and the guard bowed to her before he left.  
Susan looked at the table of food that was intricately plated up before her; eggs cooked in all kinds of way imaginable, bitter vegetables, fruit juices, pastries and jams, all of which was going to waste. She got up abruptly and exited the room. People bowed and curtsied to her as she made her way to the garden. She passed the great hall, and the throne room, and the music hall and the chambers of the nobles, but it was when she got to the garden that Susan heard something.

"Will you please quiet down,"  
Caspian's voice. That got her attention.  
"I have risked everything to do this," he hissed, and Susan knew right there and then, something was wrong. She looked around the garden and heard whispers and hushed tones from behind the leaf wall, the labyrinth beside her.  
"You don't have a choice in this,"  
Wes?  
"You gave away your right to a choice when you agreed to do it in the first place,"  
"I am not going to kill him, I cannot do it with my own hands, I will be charged for treason,"  
"You are the fucking King of Narnia, they cannot charge you with treason,"  
"Are you daft? Yes they can and they will. When that happens, you will have nothing, no one to control, no way in. And I will be executed,"  
"Caspian, you don't understand. I don't care about all that, I only want you to do what you fucking promised, or there will be consequences,"  
"You've made that clear,"  
"I can kill her in an instant,"  
"She is out of the question, she remains untouched,"  
"And what will you do to protect her? If I don't know any better I would say you love her. Love is a dangerous thing for you, it is a weakness,"  
"She remains untouched, or I will kill you,"  
Wes' lips curved into a smile, "careful, King," he said, "she will be the death of you,"  
"She remains untouched," Caspian said. Wes didn't answer.

"I am the fucking King of Narnia, how do you think this will make me look?"  
"What does it matter what they think of you? After you do this everyone will be—"  
"Everyone will be what?"

The two men sharply turned their heads at the newfound voice, and by their expressions alone Susan knew they were caught off guard. The two stared at her for quite some time before she suddenly locked eyes with Caspian, and she abruptly curtsied at his presence and realized that he was…scared. West bowed at her presence, and soon everything was silent again.  
"Good morning, Mistress Susan," Wes said, his voice was surprisingly calm, like a smooth and luxurious drink going down your throat. "It's lovely to see you here, please, join us,"  
"I.." Susan trailed off, and she looked at Caspian's expression; uncomfortable, cold. An impenetrable wall of heartless disdain, pointed at her.  
"She is needed elsewhere," Caspian said, "be gone,"

Wes laughed lightly, "well, Caspian surely you can spare a moment or two for the Mistress?"  
"No," she interrupted, "I will do as the King wishes,"  
She didn't realize it, but Susan was waiting for something, waiting for him to stop her, waiting for him to apologize. He did not.  
"No, no, please," Wes said, "I will give you two a moment, I shall leave. Excuse me, Your Majesty, milady,"

Before either of them could object to his leaving, he did. Suddenly they were in the middle of the labyrinth, alone. Neither of them moved, but in a way Susan was relieved. She didn't want him to go, and even if she was afraid of him leaving at any moment, at least now he was still there.  
"What were you talking about?"  
"It is none of your business and you know it," he answered her. Caspian suddenly walked away from them, and Susan panicked. He passed her on his way out, and she could smell his scent, a scent written in her memory, and she panicked at the thought of it going way.  
"Caspian," she called him, and turned around. He ignored her call and kept on walking. Pretty soon she was alone in the labyrinth.


	23. Caspian Gives Susan Away

I own nothing.

* * *

The celebration was in full swing. Caspian and every noble guest were in the great hall, including Aadhi and Wes. Susan was talking to the lords and was watching everyone dance so gleefully to the news of the royal baby. A feast of all kinds of meats, fruits and vegetables were spread out on the table, and everyone was busy chatting, dancing, and socializing. There was one thing that Susan dreaded, and that was that her dances are all reserved for the King. He, on the other hand, can dance with anyone he wants, but the mistress' dances were all unavailable for anyone else except Caspian. She knew of how everyone would talk of how she didn't dance all night, and they would expect something going on. She glanced around the room and didn't have any trouble at all finding Caspian. He was there, all smiles and laughter, mingling with his people, the lords, and Aadhi. He looked…happy.

"He won't be there for breakfast,"  
Susan turned her head sharply to look at who was talking to her.  
"Or dinner," Wes said again, and he smiled before turning his own head to look at her. "You look beautiful tonight, Mistress Susan,"

She was dressed in yellow, the top part of her hair pinned and the rest let loose to her waist.  
"Thank you," she replied, "and it is not compulsory for the King to attend to me,"  
"Doesn't mean you don't want him to, though,"  
Susan was caught off guard by his reply, and it was at this time that she really paid attention to him. He wore a dark blue suit encrusted with gold threads and pearls, a brown tunic over it and brown breeches. His hair was a dirty blonde, unruly and messy like he had combed through it with his fingers multiple times. He had a beard of the same color, goes from his side burns all the way to the top of his mouth, slightly longer than Caspian's. His eyes were deep blue as the Narnian seas, and when he turned his head to look at her, Susan was completely lost in them. They both didn't look away from each other.

"So he doesn't dine with you," he remarked, "he doesn't talk to you, and he doesn't dance with you,"  
"Only very recently that started,"  
"Ah, fallen out of love?"  
"There is no love for people like us, I suppose," she answered, "I am his mistress, that is all,"  
Wes laughed, "I know you don't really believe that,"  
"No, I don't," she answered with a smile.

"How about a dance, milady?"  
"Oh, my lord I'm sure you are aware that my dances are all—"  
"I've had it with all your companies being reserved for the king," he suddenly said, "it completely abolishes all my efforts to court you,"

Susan wasn't sure she heard right. She felt blood rushing to her cheeks, her heart skipping a beat and she couldn't breathe. Wes turned his head and looked at her, smiling.  
"My lord..I—"  
"You heard me, don't pretend you didn't,"  
"I heard you quite clear. I just don't think you mean it,"  
"You don't think I mean it?" he repeated her, "my darling I am quite determined,"  
"What you're suggesting is treason," she hissed, "he will have your head,"  
"You talk as if he loves you,"

To that, Susan found herself tongue-tied. Wes walked from her side and stood in front of her, a glass of wine in his hand.  
"I've seen the way he treats you," he said, and there was a seriousness in his expression, "he does not love you,"  
"I am carrying his child,"  
"Making love isn't the same as being in love," he said, "that does not prove anything,"  
"He will never allow it,"  
Wes looked straight into her eyes and said, "my darling, on the contrary I think he will. I know Caspian," he replied her, "he is not the marrying kind, he does not stay with one girl at a time; it's not in him to settle,"

Wes knew he was lying. He knew exactly why Caspian would give her to him if he wanted her; and Caspian really would. He couldn't choose otherwise; the King had something that he can easily take away from him. Wes had got her in his hands from the moment he set his eyes on her. Caspian didn't have a choice in this at all.

"_I_ love _him_," she said, "have you ever thought about that?"  
Wes turned around and smiled the moment he saw the king, and turned again to look at Susan, "he clearly does not think about you that often,"  
He stepped aside, and Susan could see him in the middle of the dance floor, dancing with another woman who was young, perky, and not pregnant. Susan saw the grin on his face; the crown atop his head as he swirled the girl and pulled her into his arms, how she whispered in his ears and him putting his arms around her waist, the crowd happy and jolly for their king. They exchanged whispers and intimate smiles, and she was dressed in a deep red dress, her breasts positively too big for that corset she was wearing, and she stuck them out to him and enjoyed his attentions on them.

"Tell you what," Wes said to her, "I will ask the king for permission. If he says yes, you agree to the courtship. If he says no, I will never bother you again, as my king commands it,"  
"I am carrying his child," she said, not even looking at him, "he will never allow it,"  
"I'll take that as a yes," Wes replied.  
"My lord, please," she said, "he will have your head for even asking about it,"  
Wes looked at her when he realized her voice was shaking. At that moment, he quieted down and looked at how she longed for him; how she really loved him. Suddenly Wes grabbed her by her hands and led her away from the crowd, away from him. She didn't refuse.

* * *

"So how long have you known him for?" he asked her.  
"About 3 months," she answered, "my lord you don't need to accompany me, I'm fine,"  
"I want to,"

Susan stayed silent. The two of them were at the balcony now, and nobody else was there. The balcony overlooked the Narnian seas, and torches were lit all around them. Inside; the celebration was on full swing, laughters and music were heard all the way to where Susan and Wes were. She stood near the railings of the balcony. Wes sat behind her.

"Are you alright?"  
She laughed, "why wouldn't I be?"  
Wes stayed silent for he felt there was more that she wanted to say.  
"The truth is, I am afraid," she said.

Susan remembered what she heard in the gardens this morning. They were talking of her.

"Of what?"  
Susan didn't turn to look at him, but she answered. "Of having this baby alone. It's my first," to which Wes replied:  
"My darling, your baby is the heir to the Narnian throne," he said, "you and the baby will be taken excellent care of,"  
"Yes, I suppose you're right," she answered half-heartedly. "Shall we go back? After all, the ball is to celebrate my pregnancy,"  
"No," he replied, "no, let's stay here,"

She didn't refuse.  
"Do you..do you love him?"  
"I.." she muttered, "I think so,"  
"But you like him?"  
"Yes,"  
"And he likes you?"  
Wes was careful with his words; for he knew if the answer to his question was yes, his plan will work wonderfully. If the answer was no, things could go awry.  
"I don't know," she answered truthfully, "what you said inside just now, whether he likes me or not, it is unthinkable for a king to give his pregnant mistress for a courtship,"  
"Unthinkable is not impossible," Wes replied, "you don't know him like I do. He seems admirable and noble, but Caspian gets bored very easily,"  
"I don't believe that," she said, "he's a changed man,"  
"Believe what you will, I know for certain he will agree to our courtship,"  
"Please stop it," she said, louder, "have you ever thought of what I want? His agreement will mean nothing if I don't agree to it,"  
Wes stood up and slowly walked to her, who was facing him now.  
"I'm not asking you to agree to anything, it's a courtship, not an engagement," he was serious, "I want to get to know you,"  
"Why?" she asked, nervous that he was so close to her. She looked at the floor, trying to maintain some sort of distance when in fact she was pressed against the balcony railing, nowhere to run. Wes searched for her eyes, and stood inches away from her.  
"Do you want an honest answer to that?" he was grinning, and Susan nodded.  
"Honestly," he said, "honestly it was your lewd, perky, bouncing breasts that make me want to pursue you,"  
Susan started to leave the moment after he said it, but Wes grabbed her arm and pulled her back.  
"No, no I'm sorry," he said, "please don't go,"  
He pulled her close to him, and took her hand, kissed the back of her palm.  
"The truth is," he started, "I don't know,"  
His answer caught her attention.  
"I don't know why," he continued, "but I would like to find out," he grinned. His smile was an honest one, one that Susan hadn't heard for a long time.

"You're very cheeky," she said.  
"I'm glad you're catching on,"

"What's this?"  
Both Susan and Wes turned around when they heard him. Near to the entrance, stood the King, in all his glory, and Susan pulled her hand very quickly away from Wes.  
"Ah, Caspian," Wes said, relaxed, and suddenly he didn't look very earnest anymore, "I was merely talking the mistress out for some fresh air,"  
He walked towards them and had his eyes on only her; he was furious.  
"Why are you with him?" he asked her, his tone filled with anger. Susan stuttered.  
"My King, Lady Susan was telling me that she felt suffocated and merely wished to get away from the scene for a moment before she enters back again," Wes said, "is that right, my lady?"  
"Y..Yes," Susan answered, "he speaks the truth, Your Grace,"

"Leave us," Caspian said to Wes. Susan expected anyone, anyone at all to leave instantly after the King tells them to, but not Wes. The lord suddenly took her hand and kissed the back of her palm slowly.  
"Think about what I've asked of you, my lady," he said, and on his way out, Susan didn't see it but Wes smiled at Caspian. He was gone shortly after.

"What were you doing with him?" he asked her, his eyes wide and he was half-shouting.  
"He took me here for some air, that is all,"  
"I never want to see you close to him again, ever. Do you understand me?"  
"Why?"

Caspian didn't appreciate her sudden rebellion to his orders; when it came to Wes, Caspian was always this dictatorial.  
"What were you talking about with him in the gardens?"  
"That is none of your business,"  
"He wants to kill me, doesn't he?"

That caught him off guard completely.  
"I'm not stupid," she said.  
"Susan," he suddenly said, and he pulled her close to him, holding both her hands and brought it, grasped it close to his chest, "I will never ever let anyone hurt you, or our child,"  
"I am yours, to do with as you please, even if you want to murder me, that is all,"  
Caspian looked at the woman that stood so close to him, and his gaze flicked to her lips, her neck, her breasts, and he held her neck with his hand, feeling the pulse of her veins there.  
"Caspian let go of me," she said, "please, please I beg you,"  
"No," was his answer.  
"Please," she said again, begging.  
"I can't,"  
"I can't be this close to you," she breathed out, "you're going to leave me again,"  
Caspian let go of her neck and took a step back.  
"I will never hurt you," he said, "your life is safe. I will make sure of that,"  
"And.." she said, "and our child?"  
"Will be the heir to the Narnian throne,"  
He took one last look and left her, Susan called out his name but he ignored her and walked on.

* * *

Caspian paced back and forth in his library, looking for ways to escape this condition that he so foolishly agreed upon. Nobody else knew, and nobody else was going to. Suddenly the door opened, and in came the very person he didn't want to see.

"Haven't you done enough damage?" Caspian asked, "I told you she remains untouched!"  
"I want the girl,"

It was as if he had been struck by a thick pillar, stabbed by it and punctured by it through his chest. He didn't believe what he heard; but Wes was not lying. Caspian couldn't speak, not only because he was surprised, but because somewhere deep inside him he knew; he couldn't afford to refuse. Caspian walked to him calmly, and suddenly punched his face as hard as he could, and Wes was on the floor, blood coming out from his nose and mouth. He laughed, his teeth becoming redder from the blood.

"You fucking bastard,"  
"So you do love her,"  
"No, I don't love her and my answer to your request is no," he said, and he was angry.  
"You seem under the impression that I was asking for permission. I am not,"  
"She is not yours to kill,"  
"Look, it doesn't matter what I do to her," he said, "if you give her to me, I leave your kingdom alone,"  
"What?"

Caspian was sure he heard right, but there Wes was; standing in front of him, offering peace and freedom at last from his agreement, at the expense of the only thing that Caspian held dear.  
"Your people and your kingdom, I will never bother them again. I will stop the murders, I don't want the power, I don't want any of what you promised,"  
He looked carefully at the terrorist's eyes, and in fact, Wes was telling the truth.  
"When you agreed to give Narnia to me," Wes said, "I'll admit, I was power hungry,"  
"I agreed to give you a position in the council. You were the one who killed my people, random citizens and animals and my guards, out of spite,"  
"A position in the council will do nothing for me," he replied, "I had you, the King of Narnia, tortured and alone with no power, no guards, no riches. I had to get the most of the situation,"  
"You are a murderer, and a liar, and a terrorist,"  
"Yet here you are, making deals and taking orders from me,"  
"You will never have her,"  
"If you don't give her to me," Wes said, "there will be more murders, an attack on the castle, and everyone of your people, the lords, everyone will know of your treacherous deal with the enemy, that you gave away their lives, their autonomy to get out of torture, a vile and weak thing for a king to do,"  
"What good will she do for you dead?" Caspian asked, frustrated, "leave her be, and I will do anything, I will give you anything, but she remains untouched,"  
"You are weak,"

Caspian didn't deny that.  
"You are so in love, suffocated by love for her when you know perfectly that love makes people like us vulnerable. That was your first mistake,"  
"She is a Narnian, she is one of my people and my efforts to protect her is not out of love,"  
The king clenched his jaws and fist, trying hard to block the images of that out of his mind.

"If you don't love her, surely you must find it easy to just give her to me to do with as I see fit?"  
Caspian stayed quiet.  
"Oh, Caspian you are making this so easy!" Wes said, "I've warned you before about your loved ones, why didn't you listen to me?"  
"I don't love her," Caspian said, "she means nothing to me as a lover, but she is a Narnian nonetheless, and it is my duty as sovereign to protect my people as best as I could,"  
"Bullshit," he said, "right this second you are debating on giving me her or the fate of the rest of Narnia, including your uncle Gyrron, who I thought you saw as a father,"  
Caspian realized what he was doing. Wes absolutely cannot know that Caspian had feelings for Susan; it was why he pushed her away in the first place right before he found out she was pregnant.

"Give her to me, or I kill her,"  
Wes was serious and Caspian knew he was capable.  
"You wouldn't dare," he said, and Wes laughed.  
"Still," he said, "can you afford to take the chance?"

Caspian turned around and faced the windows, not able to face him as he made his decision.  
"You will leave my kingdom, my people, and me alone?"  
"Yes," he answered.  
"No attacks, no nothing,"  
"Yes," Wes said, "draft a contract and I will sign it. I just want to have the girl,"

With a heavy heart, Caspian finally said; "and so you will,"


	24. Caspian Speaks the Truth

**I own nothing.**

* * *

It was a quiet day at court. The maids were all up at the crack of dawn, and they had the fires set up before anyone was awake, they opened the drapes and dusted the furnitures. Hours later, Susan woke up and vomited in the wash basin, a sign of pregnancy that was quite common, she heard. She had been feeling nauseous for days now especially in the mornings. And the celebration last night didn't help either. The doctors had given her something to ease the nausea, and with every breakfast she takes the medication. Susan bathed and dressed before she walked to the dining hall and sat for her breakfast. She noticed Caspian's absence, but he's always absent. She absolutely gorged the food that was prepared, hungry and feeling very moody today. That was also one of the signs of pregnancy, the doctor had told her. Suddenly the guards all saluted and the door to the dining hall opened, and before she knew it, a man sat across the table from her. She felt her heart skipped a beat, not believing that Caspian was here, having breakfast with her. Images of her conversation last night with him flashed through her mind, maybe he was making amends, maybe he wanted to fix things between them; maybe he wanted to explain to her what was going on. She was wrong.  
"I enjoy watching you eat like that," he said, "it's sexual, in a way,"  
Wes was smiling at her, opened the napkin and put it on his lap before diving in to his meal.  
"What are you doing?" she was confused.  
"Eating," he answered, "kind of a necessary activity for humans to survive,"  
"No," she said, "no, I mean what are you doing here?"  
"My answer remains," he laughed, "do you feel alright? I heard you've been getting morning sickness for the past few days,"  
Susan didn't know what to answer. She was baffled by the fact that this man, this regular member of court with no higher rank than a lord would dare to sit with her, mistress of the King of Narnia, clearly when no one was supposed to dine with her other than the King himself.

"Leave us, please," she said to the line of maids, and they all bowed before leaving. There were only the two of them in the dining hall now.  
"You know that's not what I mean by my question," she said to the man who was sitting across from her, "like I've said before, my dinner and breakfast companies are all reserved for the King, and for no one else,"  
"Not even for your suitor?"

She felt as if her heart sank to her stomach. She hoped in her heart he wasn't thinking the same as she was, but inside she knew.  
"He's agreed," Wes smiled, "to our courtship,"  
Susan couldn't even reply to him. Wes was happily eating his breakfast, and she was out of breath.  
"No," was all she could say before she abruptly stood up and exited the hall. Wes walked after her and called her name, she didn't reply. He caught up with her in the gardens, grabbed a hold of her arm.  
"Let go of me,"  
"Explain to me why,"  
"Why what?" she asked, frustrated, "isn't it obvious enough? I am with the King's child, I cannot begin a courtship even if he does agree,"  
"Susan, it is a courtship, not a marriage," he said, "I only want to get to know you,"  
"So get to know me then! As friends, not as a suitor,"  
"What difference does it make?" he answered her, "I'm not asking for anything, you are not obliged to feel anything for me,"  
"Good, because I don't,"

Wes' expression suddenly softened. Susan didn't even realize it when the words came out of her mouth; she had hurt him. And it sounded so cruel, so disgusted.  
"I'm sorry," she said to him, "Wes, I'm sorry. I can't, I just can't,"

She walked away from him, and she was relieved that he didn't go after her. Susan walked all the way to the throne room where she knew he would be in, and the guards opened the doors for her as soon as they saw her from the end of the corridor.

"I don't want it," she said, and all the lords, including Aadhi was there. They all looked at her, surprised by her presence but didn't have any clue what was going on.  
"Leave us," Caspian said, and the lords all bowed to their king and the mistress before they left. Aadhi knew his place; his guards left with him. The throne room door closed behind her.

"Why are you doing this to us?" was all that came out of her mouth.  
"I don't remember when it was acceptable for the mistress to question the king's commands," Caspian said, "my decision is not a request, nor is it one you can negotiate,"  
"Caspian, please," she said, her tone hushed but hurried, panicked, "I don't want this,"  
"It's not up to you," he answered her, "my decision is final,"

Susan felt tears coming up to her eyes. "So you want me dead,"

Caspian stood up from his throne and looked her straight in the eyes, "there is nothing that matters more to me than your safety, and our child's,"  
"He wants me dead,"  
"He wants you," he said, his tone harsh, "that is all,"  
"And you are _giving_ me to him?" she was almost shouting, "I am not a possession you can pass on,"  
He descended the staircases leading up to his throne, "this discussion is over," he was starting to leave.  
There was a sudden panic in the air, as if not only Caspian was moving, leaving, but the whole of the throne room was leaving her. Her own free will, her character, what's left of her control, it was all fleeing. The throne room furnitures and chairs, the window panes and the columns, everything was leaving her alone, helpless.  
"No!" she instantly walked up to him and slapped him in the face. And then everything was at a standstill. Her palm was hot from the fresh slap, blood boiled to her cheeks and neck, she felt as if she was burning. Caspian looked at her, and it was all she could see. He took her hands and seized it, held it in front of his chest, holding her close to him.  
"Tell me the truth," she said.  
"I can't do that,"  
She broke free from him. Their gaze locked for a moment before Susan walked away.  
"Don't go," he said suddenly.  
"What do you want!" she shouted at him, "he wants me dead!"  
He didn't answer her.  
"Do you want me dead?" she asked, in her voice; defeat. "You have no idea what I would do for you. If you want me dead, you shall have me dead,"  
He shook his head, "how could you say that?"  
"You are giving me to the man who is plotting my death," she said, "you're giving me away so easily,"  
Caspian's expression changed at her words, "easily?" he repeated, "you think this is easy for me? To look at you and not being able to talk to you, walk with you?" in his tone there were clear frustration, anger.  
"What the hell are you talking about?"  
"Why do you think I've been avoiding you? He can't know of my feelings for you!" he said, "don't you get it? If he knows I love you, you will be killed,"  
"Killed?" she didn't understand, "why is he inside this castle?!"

Caspian couldn't respond to that, not because he didn't know the answer, but because the answer was an ugly one. Suddenly it dawned on Susan; the reason why he did nothing while Wes gets what he wants. Wes' requests are never refused, even when he requested her. Caspian traded her body for her life; he gave Wes what he wanted so she could stay alive.  
"Oh my God," she whispered, hands over her mouth, "you're in this," she said it, and it was a newfound revelation, "you are inside his plan,"  
"Susan,"  
"No, no it's all making sense now," she was talking to herself, "that's why you let him in. That's why you didn't defend yourself, that's why you didn't fight back when he hurt you. He's turned you into his accomplice, someone from the inside,"  
"Not another word," he said, and quickly grabbed her hands and led her out of the throne room, walked quickly into his bedroom and ignored all the bows and curtsies they received on the way. He sat her down in his bed, and she didn't wait a second more to speak.

"Is what I said true?" she asked him, "is it true?"  
Caspian paced back and forth, "it's not that simple,"  
"Tell me everything right now," she said, "right now, Caspian. Tell me everything, or I will kill myself,"  
"You will not do such a thing, I swear to God Susan—"  
"Then tell me now," she demanded, "tell me now,"  
He didn't answer her, and he stood still, his back facing towards her. He let out a tired exhale.  
Susan slowly stood up, and walked carefully towards him. She stood behind him, close enough that her whispers would be heard.  
"It's my life too," she said, "you can't go through this alone. I'm already a part of this," her tone was gentle, begging, pleading him.  
"I'm so sorry for that," he replied, "it's my fault, it's my fault,"  
"No—"  
Her soothing words went by unheard. It was as if Caspian went deaf, he fell on his knees, and grasped Susan for her embrace which she gave so freely to him. She tried to calm him down, he kept apologizing.  
"Shh, Caspian, ssh, it's okay, it's okay," she said, repeating the sentence over and over again. He clung to her arms tightly, afraid to let her go.  
"Please," she said again, "just tell me,"  
His was an expression of defeat, of giving in, of letting go. And so Caspian began his story. He told her of how he was in the woods with no less than 20 other soldiers, but Wes' army was waiting right there and then, anticipating his move for the last few weeks. They were attacked and severely lost; Caspian was taken with him, his men were murdered.  
"Why did he want you?"  
"Power," he said, "the reason why all my enemies wants me. He never specified it to me, but I am the King, Susan. This is what I've been trying to tell you, you aren't safe with me,"  
"But I am, Caspian, I am," she answered, trying to persuade him, "I am safe, always, with you,"  
"No," he looked at her straight in the eye, as if he's telling a child, "no, you are not. Everything that's happened, to you, to us, it's all because of me. Your courtship, everything. I can't refuse his request to court you, he wanted you dead,"  
"Why is he courting me if he wants me killed?" she was exasperated.  
"Because," he said, holding her hands together in his, "because he knows. At least he suspects that I am in love with you. Just because. He wants you because he thinks _I_ want you,"  
"What has he got against you?" Susan said, "he is blackmailing you for a reason, why?"  
Caspian hesitated before telling her anything else, but he opened his mouth once more and started explaining.  
"I agreed to give him a position in the council, as he requested. He wanted me to kill my uncle. I was..I was tortured, 7 years, Susan, 7 years, he wanted me to kill Uncle Gyrron and give him his position, that was what he wanted. I was..I was..I was desperate to get out of there, but I had a plan. All of my talk now is to drag his plan out and get rid of Wes because I can't kill my..I can't kill…"  
"And you won't have to," she said, "what was the plan?"  
"I was going to go home, and evacuate everyone to Archenland or the Telmar Castle. Wes's army had been given instructions to attack Cair, and when he arrived there would be no one here. No doubt he's infiltrated Narnia with his spies, the move would be as inconspicuous as possible; groups of two and three, random days and random times, to be sent to the castle over a period of time. I would have an army ready for them and attack, this is undergoing process and has been discussed with the lords, they know that Wes is a liar,"  
"Why can't we just attack him here? He's alone, he's in the castle,"  
"He's got an army waiting for his command. The second they know he's dead, Narnia will be at war,"  
"What about taking him as a prisoner and—"  
"No, Susan, can't you see?" he said, "he has his eyes on you now. Everything is too late. Any plans that I had, that plan has changed now that he's got you," he continued, "I can't leave you, I can't risk losing you,"  
"You..you can't leave me?"

"I have drafted a contract," Caspian said, "if he hurts you, or any Narnian, he will pay,"  
"He won't hurt me," she said, "I'll make sure of it,"  
"How?" he said, "from now on, I'm sending four guards with you everywhere you go. This isn't a request, this is an order,"  
"Caspian, he won't—"  
"No, Susan," he said, his tone stern and harder, like he wanted to carve his point into her skin, "you don't know Wes. I've known him since we were children; he is ambitious,"  
"Ambitious?"  
"More than any man I've seen in my life. And he is competitive, headstrong, stubborn. Even more so than my uncle,"  
The silence that went on between them afterwards was evidence of how Susan was beginning to understand.  
"He wants my throne, and he's established an army from all over Narnia, some from Calormen and all the way to the independent islands. Don't underestimate him,"  
"I can't leave you alone to fight him," she said, "let me help you,"  
"The only way for you to help me now is to tell no one. If he wanted me dead, he could've had me. But no, he wants me to betray the throne, betray Narnia, he wants the people to side with him. I'm trying to not do exactly that,"

Susan's eyes were suddenly opened to how complex all of this was. Caspian's expression was as if he had just said something that even he didn't realize.

"So this is what I've become," Caspian said, "the traitor King,"  
"You're not a traitor, Caspian," Susan replied him, "oh, Caspian, you are not even close to a traitor. You've protected the whole Kingdom, you were tortured for 7 years, and you had a plan this entire time. Why didn't you just tell me?"  
"I can't risk you knowing," he said, "if Wes knew you are involved with any of this," he tried not to imagine what he would do to her.  
"I can help you now," she suddenly said, "don't you see? My position is perfect, and nobody else holds it other than me. He wants to court me, I can help you,"  
"Susan," he was serious, "do you have any idea..what you could do to me? If you are hurt..in any way,"  
"I won't be hurt," she said, "Caspian, I won't be hurt,"  
"No is the answer," he replied, "I'm sorry. You are pregnant, you are the mother of my child and the mother to the heir of the Narnian throne,"  
"Caspian…"  
"You are the number one single thing I hold dear in my life," he said, "no,"  
"I can't do nothing while you go through this,"  
"I'm not doing this alone," he said, "the lords are behind me. Susan, you can't talk about this with anyone. Wes cannot know that you are aware of who he truly is,"  
"Yes," she replied, "yes I understand that,"  
"Promise me," he said, "promise me you won't try anything that will endanger you, or our child,"  
"I..I promise,"

The two of them looked at each other, in silence after a while, and they found in each other a long lost home that they haven't returned to in a long time. In him she found stability amidst the chaos, she found protection, she found importance. In her he found a precious, protective love, the mother of his child. The two of them lied there, their souls bared and naked; comfortable. For the first time, Caspian looked at Susan's belly, more than a month into her pregnancy, their child. He hesitated, wanting to touch her growing stomach but his hand stopped mid-air, Susan grabbed a hold of that same hand and put it on her stomach. Caspian's eyes lit up, and on his lips; a smile of wonderment, of happiness.

"This is our baby?" he asked with child-like wonder, not believing it was.  
"It's our baby," she nodded, and he let out a small laughter. His eyes flickered to her lips, and for the first time ever since their first meeting, Caspian leaned in and kissed her lips. He tasted of bitter chocolate, but there was sweetness to his taste that Susan loved, and she tasted him for the first time. She wanted more of him, more of all of him. His stubble tickled her skin, but she didn't mind at all. Their kiss was sweet, short, lingered. He pulled away from her and kissed her forehead before pulling her close.  
"He can't know of my feelings for you, Susan," Caspian said, "that is our number 1 priority. If he knows I love you, Aslan knows what he would do to you, and I can't lose you,"  
"He will never know," Susan said, "I swear it,"


End file.
